Kyle Hepp

May 24, 2007

Too much of nothing is just as tough
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied

*Spice Girls

Yes, I know, I just quoted a Spice Girls song. The worst part is that I knew the lyrics by heart, I didn’t even have to look them up. But, c’mon! Who didn’t love themselves a little Spice Girls magic back in their glory days? Don’t deny it Anyways, the quote is relevant for two reasons. 1. It perfectly describes how I’m feeling. 2. I hear the Spice Girls are planning a comeback.

My husband, S and I, have been struggling to find a balance. This has been a continuous problem in our relationship and marriage since day one. He is obsessed with online gaming. I think he has a real problem. Of course, he denies it. I get really upset and frustrated because I just want to spend quality time with him and all he wants to do is play his game. If I tell him he’s playing too much he gets so defensive and goes off on me, naming off a list of all the “quality time” he can think of that we’ve spent together in the last week. This really annoys me, mostly because even when we do spend time together, out of the time that he is home from work I get an hour with him and his game gets seven hours.

My problem is that I don’t know when I’m asking too much of him, and what’s fair. Sometimes I think I’m really justified. I think he shouldn’t be playing 8 hours a day even if he weren’t married to me. But other times I wonder if its just asking him to give up gaming. This is because he works and I don’t, so I feel like my vote doesn’t carry equal weight in the relationship. He says, when he comes home, he’s too tired to do anything else. I understand being that tired, I’ve worked more than my fair share of 14 hour days on my feet in this lifetime. But why is it that he has enough energy to sit down at the computer and play and never fall asleep but if I suggest that we play cards or that he just come sit in the kitchen with me while I cook, he’s too tired? That just does wonders for my self-esteem. I’m too boring to keep him awake!

I’m all down in the dumps today. Whine, whine, whine. No, I don’t want any cheese with my damn whine. I hate cheese.