Kyle Hepp

August 5, 2007

Here is a translation of the lyrics in case you don’t speak Spanish. The title, No Llores, means Don’t Cry, and it’s by Gloria Estefan. I’ve been way too immersed in Spanish so if the English sounds wonky, it probably is. If you find a mistake, leave a comment and I’ll fix it!

If you’re going to surrender your soul
Do it free from fear
If one learns a lot from love
You can learn even more from mistakes

Ay! Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry
Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying
Stop suffering and let go of your fears
Ay! Don’t cry

If one day, you don’t love me anymore
Say it to my face without betrayals
All the happiness that we lived
Stays in our hearts

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, Ay!
Don’t cry for me, my love
Don’t cry anymore
Don’t cry for me, don’t cry

The day that I die
I don’t want to be sent flowers
Whatever you give me, give it to me in life
There will be no reason for you to cry like that

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, Ay!
There’s no reason for you to cry like that
Don’t you worry, stop your crying
And listen to my song that tells you
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry for me, for me
If you don’t enjoy life, you’ll never be happy

Ay! Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry for me
It’s just that life is too short to keep suffering like that
Ay! Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry anymore
Ay! Life is to be enjoyed, nothing more

Hey! My love, what I want is for you to tell me
You’re not going to cry for me, ever…eh, eh.

I absolutely love this song and the lyrics. If my life had a soundtrack this would be the theme song. Even though it’s more powerful song in Spanish, you can get a general idea from my translation. Basically, what I took from this is that you should appreciate the here and now and take advantage of every minute so that when you die, there’s no reason for anyone to mourn you. The paragraph that I bolded really rang true for me. What’s the use of flowers or pretty words at a funeral?

Whatever you’re going to tell me, or give me, or feel for me, do it while I’m alive to enjoy it!

At my funeral, I hope people have a glass of champagne, make a toast to celebrate my life and dance to this song.

So this weekend when I got in a fight with my husband, instead of crying for hours until he apologized, I sucked it up and said those magic words, “I’m sorry,” first. Who wants to waste a day angry, when you can be happy? Not me.

Instead of drinking beer at a party, I drank a bottle of good champagne…why wait until there’s something specific to celebrate, what’s wrong with celebrating another day of living?

That expression, “live every day as if it were your last,” is so overused. People always say that’s how they want to live their lives, but how many actually do? It’s not practical to live each day as if you were going to die tomorrow. You can’t decide to wake up one day and stop going to work…because if you do that, and you actually don’t end up dying tomorrow, you’re screwed! You’ll probably end up in a little bit of a financial pickle. But you can say “I love you,” more often, pick up the phone when your mom calls and actually listen to her, say yes when you’re friends invite you out, even though you know you’ll be too tired at work the next day and instead of sleeping in, get out and enjoy the day, you never know what you’ll see!

Those are some of the things I’m going to try and change in my life. If you were to apply the same principles to your life, what would you change?

2 Comments

August 1, 2007

I feel like I have a purpose to my life again. I think a huge part of my mental breakdown was that aside from being in debt, I’m not doing any of the things I thought I would be doing when I graduated from college…we are light years away from having enough money to move to Europe like we’ve planned, we live in a student residence owned by my husband’s parents, and I am working as a celebrity gossip blogger. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that job, as a matter of fact, I really enjoy it. It’s just that I majored in Sports Management because that’s what I love. I had always dreamed of being part of an Olympic or World Cup organizing committee, or working for an organization promoting women’s participation in sports in Latin America. Then, towards the end of college, I discovered a passion for photography and as opportunities in that field seemed to land at my feet, I felt like taking photos was something I could turn into a career.

I arrived here in Chile filled with hope, ready to start a career, in photography or in sports…

I soon discovered that the idea of family portraits or senior pictures is completely foreign to Chileans. In a third world country, the truth is there is just not a lot of disposable income in the majority of the population. In the US my photo prices were geared towards middle class families. Here, a middle class barely exists. Heck, my husband and I are what would be considered middle class and we are struggling to get by. I would never spend money on photos myself as long as we stay in this current income bracket. So I understand why nobody is interested in my photo services.

And as far as sports go, opportunities are few and far in between. There is really only one sport in Chile with a developed infrastructure, and that’s soccer. But, even in soccer there are few clubs that have enough money or organization to pay people beyond the coaches and players.

Miraculously, I was in contact with a lady who started a professional women’s soccer team. She had been emailing me for ideas and help back in the day when I lived in the states. Well, when I got back to Chile I sent her an email asking if she knew of any positions available. I couldn’t believe my luck when she told me that she had gotten her women’s soccer team affiliated and sponsored by the most important men’s soccer club here (Colo Colo, in case you happen to know anything about Chilean futbol). She was looking for a Technical Assistant. I immediately went and interviewed with her, she gave me her total stamp of approval, and now we are just waiting for the club’s board of directors to approve the salary for the position. If I get this job it will truly be a miracle. How I found the ONE position in all of Chile (there are only like 3 other women’s “professional” futbol teams, and of those teams I’m pretty sure that most of their staff is volunteered) that is truly what I want to do in life…well, it’s just amazing.

I’ve always loved the saying, “We create our own luck.”  I think of myself as an incredibly lucky person, but a lot of it goes beyond luck. When I was in Chile studying abroad I tried out for the soccer team at the university I was studying at. I made it. When I left, I gave every girl on the team my email and told them if they ever needed anything not to hesitate to write. One girl wrote and asked if she could put me in contact with her friend, Paula, who was trying to start a women’s professional team. I said yes, Paula contacted me, and for over a year I sent her emails with suggestions and information on how the professional women’s soccer league in the US is run (the W-League). Now, two years later, the team is being sponsored for $100,000 a year by the biggest supermarket chain in Chile (ironically, not my husband’s supermarket), and I might have the opportunity to work for them. Some things are not coincidence. I really hope it works out and I’m hired!

And if it doesn’t, I have a back up plan. Actually, it’s not even a back up because I’m planning on doing this whether or not I get another job. Remember the project I talked about, that my mom is going to sponsor? That project is a photography studio. I CAN’T WAIT! We are fixing up a room in the upstairs part of the house that hasn’t been used for the last ten years. The room is huge and gets tons of light so it will make a perfect studio! Right now, we are in the process of cleaning up (and it’s quite the process, let me tell you). We have been sweeping up 10 years worth of dust, cleaning up bird crap (there was a broken window pane so pigeons had been living up there), and painting. And my mom is going to finance the equipment buying. We’re just starting out small with two muslin backdrops, solid black and solid white, and then buying a basic lighting kit. But even that wouldn’t happen if my mom wasn’t paying for it, bless her heart! Yeah, saying bless her heart sounds so old ladyish, but I had to…it just felt right.

Now, if you’re still reading this eternally long entry, you’re probably saying, but didn’t you say that nobody in Chile is interested in your photography services? You’re right…families are not. But, there is a huge demand for girls who work in promotions to get “model books” taken by professional photographers. So I am going to cater to that market. Instead of trying to create a family photography market that Chileans have never heard of, I’ll go where there’s a proven demand, the model book market. And, if everything goes according to plan, we will be able to rent out the studio as well. Not many people in Santiago have the space for a full-blown photography studio. It’s like New York City here…space is limited, expensive and filled with rats. JK, about that last part.

So I may be able to live two of my dreams, working in women’s sports, and running a successful photography business. I’m so excited about the possibilities of both! I feel like I have resdiscovered the purpose for my life.

8 Comments

If you read my last post about the tragic state of our finances, you were probably ready to offer me a little cheese with my whine. I apologize for being a blubbering mess, but hey, it happens to the best of us.

Anyways, after a complete day of crying (seriously. I’m pretty sure my tear ducts dried up because by the end of the day it hurt to blink), I made the decision to turn my attitude around. Sometimes you just need to wallow in order to get it out of your system.

I wrote my mom an email and explained everything that has been going on with us; my frustrations with the job search, our debt, and a little project I have in mind that we don’t have money for. Like what any other super mom would do, she responded with a listening ear, some kind words to kick my butt in gear and a gracious offer to finance my project.

And then, right after that good news from my mom, I got a call from a promotions agency I had applied at. They want me to come to casting call tomorrow for a job this weekend and next weekend. It’s not extremely high paying, but it’s better than nothing. My only problem is this…with all my weighty issues, do I really want to subject myself to an industry in which I’ll be judged by my looks and body? For right now, I really don’t have a choice, that’s how bad we need the money. So I’m going to look on the bright side, a job is a job is a job, even if it terrifies me! I’ll put on my thickest skin tomorrow, pray for the best, and keep my head high so that if I am rejected at the casting call, the confidence I have worked so hard to build will not be destroyed.

Anyways, these are both fantastic strokes of luck! The bloggers gods heard my cry and have rained down opportunities upon me. I will take advantage of them!

2 Comments