September 27, 2007
Remember how I waited four hours the last time I was at the immigration offices? This time it was five. My experience was as follows:
11:00am: Arrive at immigration offices (Ministerio Interior)
11:00-11:30: Wait in line to get a number for another line.
11:30-11:35: Argue with the lady handing about the numbers which was next pass. The debate was whether I needed to be in the line for Visas or Stamps. She said, “Visas,” and I said, “I already have a visa, I need a stamp on my passport now.” Then she proceeded to notify me that I had to wait in the Visa line because they would give me an “Orden de Pago,” or payment order. I would need to take that payment order to the special bank that works with immigration offices and stand in line there to pay for my visa. Once I had proof of payment, only then could I get the stamp on my visa.
11:30-1:45: Wait outside on the grass outside of La Moneda reading Newsweeks that my mom sent me. This is where I was, it’s quite nice especially now that it’s spring:
1:50: Sprint back to the immigration offices so they don’t lock me out. The doors close at 2.
1:50-3:30: Still waiting
3:35-3:45: I finally had my turn with the lady at the Visas window. She told me that since I was a U.S. citizen we didn’t have to pay for the visa (hallelujah, no waiting in line at the bank and no $80 dollar charge!). But, WTF, why didn’t the lady handing out the numbers know that?!? She’s supposed to send people to the right line, it’s HER JOB. Her only job. I showed her my U.S. passport and my visa papers and she had still said I needed to pay. Anyways, I conversed with the Visa lady who told me that now I could get my passport stamped and I’d be kosher, as long as I had a few pertinent documents…ummm, what documents? I needed proof of activities to be performed in Chile and documents that stated I was able to financially maintain myself. I had the financial documents, of my husband’s salary, because we had needed those to apply for the first part of the visa way back in May, but I carry all my important visa papers around in the same folder. So they just happened to be in there. But, I had nothing stating what I do here in Chile. Was I supposed to have my bosses write a letter stating that I’m online all day long writing stories and answering emails? I wasn’t quite sure what the woman meant.
Think fast Kyle!
“Ummm, I don’t do anything here in Chile. I’m a housewife. So do I need papers to prove that?” Little white lie. What the government doesn’t know doesn’t hurt them. I’m strong believer in tax evasion.
I feel like I’m not a very believable liar, but she bought it. I guess it’s not a stretch. I’ve had lots of people assume that if I married a Chilean, he obviously must be a rich Chilean. I mean, of course, it’s logical…every gringo has boatloads of money and of course we would never marry below us. That is why I married Seba and we now live in a beautiful mansion in the nicest neighborhood in all of Santiago, Estacion Central where there’s the neighborhood delinquents’ graffiti on the door that we don’t bother painting over because we know they’ll just re-do their handiwork the next night.
So anyways, the woman then tells me that I’ll need a notarized document signed by my husband saying that he plans to support me. But she gets a very grave, scared look on her face when she tells me I’ll have to get that and come back tomorrow to wait in the Stamp line to finish up the rest of the paperwork I need. I supposed she seemed frightened because a lot of people probably go ballistic when she tells them that. Then with a conspiratorial beckoning of her finger, she motions me closer.
Government Lady: “Do you have a baby?”
Me, confused: “Perdon???”
Government Lady: “Bring a baby with you, that may help you jump to the front of the line.”
Smile and nod, slowly back away. She’s crazy; she may blow a fuse at any minute.
Ok, now where can I steal a baby?
No, stealing is unnecessary. Seba’s friend’s Opus Dei virgin girlfriend is pregnant. This baby is the next messiah; he/she would definitely get me to the front of the line. Can I wait six months to complete my visa? Nope, I’d be an illegal alien in this country. Again. It’s not the danger/risk of being deported that comes from being illegal that worries me. It’s the fact that to un-illegal yourself you have to stand in all these damn lines again. Alright, bringing a baby is out.
WAIT! I was about to walk out the door when I remembered that I had cajoled the number doler outer into giving me a number for the Stamps line as well, since I still didn’t really believe the lady who said I needed to get a number for the Visas line! Would they have passed that number already? Go back and check…nope. There’s still another hundred numbers before they get to 337. Would these people turn me down because I don’t have the right documents notarized? Oh well, only a hundred numbers is worth waiting to find out if it means I won’t have to come back and wait another five hours the next day.
3:45-4:30: Wait, while the numbers before me get called…and skipped over. By this time too many people have either given up and left or thrown themselves out of the window out of desperation.
4:30: It’s my turn. “I need to get my visa stamped, I have all the papers I need,” I lie nervously. I hand her my envelope full of documents and pray she doesn’t realize that there’s nothing notarized inside.
Government Lady Dos: “What do you do in Chile?”
Me: “Nothing, I’m married.”
Government Lady Dos looks over my papers: “Ok, we don’t need proof of that.”
How convenient! She rifles through all the paperwork again, gives them a second glance again and looks up at me. Oh no! She’s discovered my secret…I’m not notarized!
Government Lady Dos: “Who are you married to?”
Me: “ummm, Senor S.N.L.L.”
Government Lady Dos, impatient now: “Well what’s his nationality?”
me: “He’s Chilean.”
Goverment Lady Dos with eyes widening: “REALLY? How did you two meet?!?”
I tell her the story and suddenly she’s calling over her supervisor asking him to quick run my name through his computer and check. Yep, everything’s good, STAMP, STAMP, sign here, another stamp, sign again. Ok thank you so much, here’s the documentation you need, you can now leave and entry the country freely as well as work if you’d like.
These people take care of their own. I bet you twenty bucks if I had told her I was married to any other nationality she would have told me to come back tomorrow and the next day….and the next day…until I eventually left the country out of hatred for the Chilean immigration system.
4:45: I practically skipped out the door! I was so happy to be done with paperwork and waiting and long lines and government employees! I got everything over with and I didn’t even need to steal a baby to do it. Then I glanced at the documents she had handed to me on my way out.
YOU HAVE THIRTY DAYS TO:
1. Register with the International Police. You will then be given documentation to apply for Chilean ID.
2. Apply for your Chilean ID at the Registro Civil.
FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN BLAH BLAH BLAH LOTS OF BAD STUFF.
So I have to go wait in line at Policia Internacional which is not as bad as immigration services but it’s still horrible. There they’ll give me more paperwork in order to permit me to get my Chilean ID and I’ll need to go stand in line at the Registro Civil, which is even worse than Immigration Services. OMG, by the time I’m done with all this crap we’ll be ready to leave for our trip around the world.
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- If you don't try and keep up, you just sound like yourself, which should sound like the moment. ~Grace Jones.
- I have no competition and no rivals. Everybody's got their own pace, their own trip. I don't try to keep up. ~Grace Jones, cont'd.
- @inosherry, I can't say I am very wizzardy but I can certainly try!
- 4am and I'm not tired. But 7:30am is going to come quick. At least I got lots of editing done!
- @markdubya, it might be 2010 but we're definitely still in Michigan. Speaking of. I'm here. Let's hang!
- Planning a baby shower for my future sister in law. This is definitely NOT my forte.
Firstly, I have to say the picture of you with your visa has very great color.
Secondly…does this next picture mean that I can post all those pictures of Edgard on the you know where, doing the you know what? I knew they would come in handy someday.
Thirdly I am very glad that there is one more plus side to having children…faster service in immigration. Now that I think of it…when I went to immigration with Edgard to get his permanent resident card I was 7 months pregnant and we went through there like speed-racer. It was the first time it ever went so quick.
Is that good in all Latin American countries or only localized to Chile, I wonder?
Comment by Rachel — September 27, 2007 @ 10:06 pm
Don’t forget to bring photo tipo carnet con tu numero de passaporte to register your visa. I needed 4. They didn’t tell me ahead of time. Also, despite the fact that every chilean will tell you to get to the registro civil office early, I think your best bet is 11:45. That way you miss the crazy morning crowds and also the ones that couldn’t get off work and try to run in over lunch hour.
Comment by clare — September 27, 2007 @ 10:47 pm
Rachel, would you mind UPS’ing me a kid for the next time I have to in? Thanks, appreciate it
Clare, thanks for the reminder! I’ve went to the registro civil at varying hours and it hasn’t made a difference, they’ve always been jam packed. I’ll try 11:45 and see if it’s the sweet spot. If not I’m hunting you down in Valpo!
Comment by mamacita chilena — September 27, 2007 @ 11:01 pm
Wow I can certainly commiserate with this tale of paperwork, lines, lies and bribery. Nice job getting *most* of it done in one day!
Is Opus Dei as prevalent/taboo in Chile as it is in Spain?
Comment by Sarita — September 28, 2007 @ 12:06 am
hilarious!
i can’t believe yet love that you’ve got a pic of yourself taking a dump! ha!
so happy that you are almost legal!
Comment by Lady T — September 28, 2007 @ 6:59 am
I hate lines and I so feel for you. The worst I had to wait was for my car tags/registration and it was three hours. I was happy I brought a book.
The worst lately was waiting in line at the lab for blood work. Yeah, there’s no wait for health care in America… my ass! I waited two hours to get blood taken and then waited a week to call them for the results and they still weren’t in.
Still, I can’t imagine going through what you did to try to get a prescription last time.
Comment by ordinarygirl — September 28, 2007 @ 10:49 am
I still waited like an hour. But it was significantly better than the 2.5 hours had it been at 8. Also, my favorite was doing the paperwork in Rgua. There both police and registro are the same building and you can be in and out in like 30 minutes.
Comment by clare — September 28, 2007 @ 11:08 am
how about going through all that bollocks for months, finally getting your visa stamped and then losing your passport one week later whilst on holiday in New York? welcome to my world. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Comment by Matt — September 30, 2007 @ 2:30 pm
Oh yes, i’m sure you receive a better friendly attention than me in USA, A stupid man in the Immigrant Service was a totally unfriendlywith me, and i had to wait for five hours too. So, i think gringos must suffer in an equivalent form than latin american people. don’t you?
Comment by Pablito — November 17, 2007 @ 10:16 pm
Ok. I was definitely one of the people who went ballistic when I had to get a notarized statement of support.
They let me go get it and then not wait in line again after I threw a fit.
Comment by Amanda — January 7, 2008 @ 1:15 pm