Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

October 22, 2007

Squeaking past Seriously, How Am I Still Alive?: Random (sometimes dangerous) adventure I’ve had in Chile by 18 votes to 17, I present to you Not Chubby Anymore: How I got off my butt and lost 50 pounds.

I have a feeling this is going to be part I. Something tells me the whole story won’t fit into just one post.

To understand how someone loses weight, it’s helpful to know how he or she gained it in the first place. So let me take you back…way back. From birth I was chubby, and only liked unhealthy foods. I have vague memories of consuming whole sticks of butter with my brother, as well as chowing down on raw sugar by the cup full. Here I am at the tender age of 2 …already drowning my sorrows in mint chocolate chip ice cream…”Why me? Why me? One day I was all alone enjoying my mommy’s love all to myself, and the next thing I know, I have to share her lap with that squirmy little thing that never stops crying. WAAAAAH, LIFE IS HARD, I NEED ICE CREAM!”

It didn’t help that I was oddly proportioned. My legs were so short that my step dad once saw a picture of me when I was little and called me a butt with feet!

My earliest memory of thinking about weight related issues, was in 5th or 6th grade when all my friends were starting to reach the 100lb mark. It was a big deal. Every week a new friend would come to school screaming, “OMG, I get to start shopping in the juniors section, today I weighed 102lbs!” Hitting the triple digits was like a sign we were growing up. Only problem was, I think I reached that mark in like 4th grade. By the time they were all hitting the mark, I couldn’t remember the last time I had weighed that much. It was embarrassing. That was the first time I really thought about that fact that I was bigger than other little girls.

When I got into 7th grade I tried out for the cheerleading team. Out of more than 300 little girls who tried out, I got one of 40 coveted spots. I was ecstatic! We soon started practicing and our coaches began teaching us the basics of stunting (cheerleaders tossing other girls around up in the air for those of you who aren’t cheer lingo knowledgeable). The general principle was that in our big competition of the year every girl would be featured in at least one stunt. So we all would have our chance to shine as the flyer (the girl who’s getting bounced around like popcorn kernel in the microwave). I think the assumption was that at that age, we were all relatively the same size so we could all work in any stunt position, be it in the air or on the ground. I was so ashamed that when it was my turn to go up, the group could only manage a simple V-sit, the easiest of all stunts. I was too heavy to perform anything else. But, I was still a great cheerleader. My tumbling (gymnastics) was far more advanced than most of the girls, my jumps were powerful and I was good at stunting as a base (the girls who do the heavy lifting). I was strong and compact and that is how I’ve been described for most of my life.

In middle school I was anything but popular. I wasn’t unpopular. I was just…nothing. Nobody noticed me. There were boys that liked me, but they weren’t the ones that I liked. I had friends, but I wanted to be part of the cool kids group. It didn’t take me long to realize that beauty and being thin meant power, even at that young age. The girls in school who were the teacher’s favorites, who were chosen to represent the school for the Got Milk campaign, who the boys liked…they were slender. They bought their clothes from 5 7 9. I could never fit into anything at that damn store! They had highlights and wore designer jeans, neither of which I could afford. And the truth is that I longed to be smaller but I didn’t have the foggiest how one goes about losing weight.

The food I ate at home was the root of the problem. Mom, I’m not blaming you! I know you did the best you could. My mom worked full time and overtime hours to make ends meet as a single mom. She was also going back to school to get her Masters. Needless to say, there wasn’t a lot of spare time on the agenda to make a home cooked meal. She would get home from class at 9:30pm and we’d call her begging to bring home McDonald’s or order us a pizza. We were so addicted to fast food, in fact, that once we actually went around to multiple places to gather together the best of the best. The world’s best fast food meal…curly fries from Arby’s, Shamrock shake from McDonald’s, hamburger from Burger King. Is it sad that I still remember that? My mom and my brother both ate that crap too, but those lucky dogs never gained, or if they did, didn’t gain much. I was the only one in the family who really struggled with my weight.

I continued gaining and by the time I was in 9th grade I wore a size 10 pants. But I remained highly involved in athletics. I was a very fit chubby girl, if that makes any sense. I tried out for the freshman cheer team and made the JV team. At my school cheerleading was extremely competitive. We did hardcore gymnastics and stunting, no dancing. Our practices shared a fitness coach with the football coach. And our varsity team ranked 1st or 2nd in the state every year. Cheerleading was 7-8 months out of the year, with 4 hour long practices every day of the week during competitive season. And on the off season, I played soccer, which I was also good at. I played varsity for 4 years, was captain for my last two years and MVP my senior year (yes, I’m bragging, but I’m proud of the fact that I was a great athlete).

I think that’s why my doctor never said anything to me. I only remember him showing me that my weight fell well outside the normal category on the growth chart. And whenever weight or size came up in the conversation, the only comments made to me by friends and family were things like, “You’re all muscle.” or, “You’re big boned.” I was a size 14, sometimes 16 by the time I graduated. But, I still really wasn’t concerned enough about my weight to actually do something about it. I think since my body could outperform a lot of skinny people’s bodies when it came to athletic performance I just wasn’t too worried about health. If I really wanted to lose weight I suppose I wouldn’t have come home from every soccer practice and eaten fast food. If I didn’t eat fast food, I cooked the only thing I knew how, noodles. Either plain egg noodles with butter and lots of salt, or ramon noodles. Oh, and I also used to mix chocolate chips and peanut butter, melt it in the microwave and eat it just like that. Pure heaven. I would still eat that if I got the chance, but I now hate plain noodles, and fast food.

Good thing I never had low self esteem. I look back at my senior pictures and wonder how I let myself get like that. But at the time, I thought they turned out great. I definitely thought I was hot stuff!

By the time I graduated high school I weighed about 180lbs at 5’2″. And things would only get worse in college…

To be continued tomorrow.

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12 Comments

Kyle-I'd actually been visiting your blog before (found of course as well through the Lost Girls). Loved the meet-the-husband story you had there!And by the way, I used to eat margarine out of the tub by the spoonful…so I understand!Jayna

Comment by Anonymous — October 22, 2007 @ 8:01 pm

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O.K., I’m not defending myself but I do feel compeled to add my comments . . .

1. By the time you were 2 years old you had ruled out all foods except for Sausage patties. For a while, that is the only thing you would eat. How is that my fault? Maybe I should have starved you more in between meals. And those things really grossed me out. I hate almost any form of sausage . . or at least can only eat it few and far between and only a little bit at a time.
2. When I called home from my evening class to check on you and your brother, and you asked me to bring home some “real food” from McDonalds on my way home from school, I instantly recognized this as one of the most serious mistakes in my attempts at child rearing
3. The night we went around to get the perfect junk food meal was not, and here I am emphatic, because we were addicted to junk food. Rather it was a form of entertaining you and your brother on a cold snowy Friday night when there was nothing to do and I was exhausted. Do you remember how much fun we had doing it; going thru all those drive thrus? I was having a riot. I was creating an experience!! By the way, my recollection of the perfect meal (and I let you & bro choose) was a hamburger from McDonald’s, french fries from Hot ‘n Now and a Shake from Burger King. Did we really go to Arby’s too?
4. I loved your apple cheeks in your senior picture.
5. You were very compact.
6. You forgot to mention that the Pizza delivery man was on a first name basis with all of us.

Comment by Mamacita Americana — October 22, 2007 @ 8:10 pm

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Mom, now I feel like I have to answer all your very valid points:

1. Now I know why I hate meat. I wouldn’t touch a sausage patty today if my life depended on it!
2. When we called Dad with the same request for “real food,” he told us to eat what was in the cupboards or go hungry. I still turned out overweight…you might consider that your serious mistake in child rearing but for some reason I feel the outcome would’ve been the same anyways.
3. I do remember having fun driving around in the snow! I feel like we may have done that more than once though because I have different recollections of the food And although it may have been for entertainment, you have to admit that anyone without a serious addiction to fast food never would’ve dreamt up such an idea!
4. I loved my cheeks at the time. Now I’m not so fond of them.
5. I still am pretty compact
6. And maybe I’ll write in the next installment about our best friend the Papa John’s guy. Haha, we’d call them up and they’d ask, “The usual?

Comment by mamacita chilena — October 22, 2007 @ 8:36 pm

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Nice…between the two of you…you could write the next post. Two sides of the argument. Very entertaining. Si I cannot wait for part two…will there be chubby pictures because I cannot possibly picture that you were ever a heavy girl.

Comment by Rachel — October 22, 2007 @ 9:13 pm

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I agree with Rachel…Nor I can possibly picture that you were ever a heavy girl!
How tall is 5’2 – I am 180 cm? Any close?
Still love your blog!
XXX Caroline

Comment by Anonymous — October 23, 2007 @ 12:21 am

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Caroline, 5'2" is 157 centimeters according to my Google converter. And 180lbs = 81.6 kilos. I'll try to find some old pictures to put up but I don't think I have too many laying around down here in Chile (I packed light when I moved here from the states).Hey Jayna, thanks for coming out of hiding, you little lurker! Glad to know I'm not the only one who consumed butter!PQ, you're so right…everyone assumes if you were ever fat that the whole time you were probably struggling to be thin. I had moments of wishing, sure, but I didn't hate myself or torture myself on endless diets. I'm glad we both had happy childhoods inspite of a little extra weight. And noodles with butter were one of the staples in my life helping to keep me fat, I can't believe you have never tried them!

Comment by mamacita chilena — October 23, 2007 @ 12:42 am

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Kyle, you were never fat… Whatever!!

Comment by Joy — October 23, 2007 @ 3:00 am

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Kyle, Thanks…do you have a Converter for that too?Anyway, as we say in Danish "I take of my hat for the effort" ;o) I gained 50 lbs during my year in Panama as an exchange studing living of ojaldres, huevos refritos, arroz refritos,frijoles refritos, empanadas, dulce de leche – You name! Loosing 50 lbs is no easy task, but thanks to my parents cooking (hurray for the Hippies and their alternative kitchen) I and regular sports it eventually more and less disappered…with exception from the females curves that I didn't have when I arrived in PmÃ¡. At the end of the day, I guess it is all about how you fell and how you decide to let it contol your life. For some people it may be the complete opposite scenario…as in the case of my mum who is way too skinny ….actually it isn't all that healthy either!

Comment by Anonymous — October 23, 2007 @ 7:12 am

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It’s nice to know I wasn’t the only fat girl who didn’t hate herself growing up. I always wanted to be thinner, but I thought I was rather smart and witty just like you found pride in being athletic. I’ve read some blogs where women really hated on themselves growing up and dieted all the time and it’s so sad to hear. There’s this stereotype that all fat girls have done dozens of diets, but honestly, I’ve only ever done one and it worked. It makes me feel a bit odd.

I always thought it would be funny to keep circling through a drive-through ordering one item at a time

Man, I’ve got to try buttered noodles sometimes. I always ate Ramen raw or just plain cooked. But everyone talks about buttered noodles and I feel like I really missed out on something!

Comment by PastaQueen — October 23, 2007 @ 7:33 am

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oh, I’m getting quickly addicted to your blog, even more than to your flickr stream!!!

Here in Spain we’re starting to suffer this kind of problem (too much work, too little time for anything, too much fast food) since until my own generation most women worked at home taking care of the family as housekeepers. I guess I would have found it more strange some years ago but today (luckily, of course) most girls have a remunerated job.

But of course, the cheerleader part is absolutely incomprehensible for me

jv, 23hq.com/ciberado

Comment by ciberado — October 23, 2007 @ 2:35 pm

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LOVED reading this.
(Also loved your mom’s comments

onto part II…

Comment by katieo — October 30, 2007 @ 6:47 am

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oh yeah, I wanted to agree with PQ too. I never hated myself growing up. Maybe it was the athelete in me. Don’t know. I actually didn’t ever even care about losing weight (although I’ve always been on the thicker side) until after i had kids. I mean then I REALLY had weight to lose!

okok, NOW I’m onto part II

Comment by katieo — October 30, 2007 @ 6:50 am

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