Cutting the Cord

April 4, 2008

Today S. and I had lunch with my mother in law. She was actually just going to come over to pick up her birthday gift, but I called the night before to confirm what time she was coming and she said, “I’ve been wanting to call you two for the last week, but I haven’t. I’m trying to give you your space.” So I thought she should be rewarded for good behavior and decided to invite her out for lunch.

Anyways, we got to talking about S.’s older sister who is 29 and lives at the parents’ home. She has never lived anywhere else. My mother in law mentioned that soon they’re hoping she’ll “cut the cord.”

I was actually shocked to hear those words come out of her mouth. In Chile it’s pretty common to live with your parents for forever and ever and ever, and never leave. Ok, so that’s a bit of an over exaggeration. But, in all honesty, if a man here mentions that he’s 33 and still shacking up with with mommy, nobody even blinks an eye. Of course, being the macho culture that this is, if it’s a woman at the age who lives at home unmarried, everyone thinks there’s something wrong her. But they think there’s something wrong with her not because she still lives at home, but because she hasn’t convinced a man to marry her yet.

In the U.S. we generally leave the house at age 18, give or take a year or two, and we go live in college dorms. It’s a like a transition to ease us into real life living on our own. Chilean people would have you believe that U.S. parents kick their children (who are just babies and not ready to be on their own, according to them) out of the house so young because we “don’t believe in family,” and we’re a “cold culture.” I’ve actually found the opposite to be true. To me Chilean society has it all backwards. Parents in the U.S. get the kids out of the house so they can prepare themselves to be adults. They want their kids to grow up because they love them and want to see them succeed standing on their own two feet.

Here families are forced to live in such close quarters that a lot of times they end up hating each other. There’s such a sense of obligation here to let your kids stay until they want to leave, to take care of your unmarried sister and your aging mother, and if they live anywhere but under your roof, you’re obviously a cold hearted bitch who doesn’t care about family. They forget about the whole idea that you might actually appreciate a person a lot more if you both have your own space.

Unfortunately, aside from obligation, it’s also a necessity. Part time jobs here don’t pay enough to be able to support yourself and live on your own. Plus part time is like 30 hours a week, and Chilean university is much more vigorous than most U.S. universities. So trying to study and work is pretty much impossible. S.’s friend got the genius idea to try and work part time at Blockbuster for one semester.

That semester he failed every class but one, and he still didn’t have enough money to move out.

And then, the fact that parents expect their kids to live with them until they’re in their late 20′s, early 30′s, means that Chilean young adults, are basically giant babies without diapers. And I totally blame the parents. I have lived now, with four different Chilean families and in each household the mother and father absolutely coddled the children. And I mean, breakfast in bed, no chores for their poor babies who work so hard at studying, oh, and you don’t have any money to go out partying, here I’ll spot you 20, forget the fact that we’re thousands of dollars in debt already.

So as most Chileans tell me…”Why I move out of my house? I have it good!”

I know some kids in the U.S. like that, but they seem to be the exception to the rule, rather than the rule.

Sometimes this makes me feel older than my husband. He’s just always so surprised by the realities of living alone, because up until now his parents took care of everything for him. But, he’s learning, slowly but surely. And besides, who am I to talk? My mom still does my taxes for me!

Retweet

10 Comments