Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

May 15, 2008

It’s been so long since I wrote Part I, that I forgot what I had even been planning to write about. I really didn’t mean to leave the post pending on such a negative note, although I stand by everything I said, 100%. I had wanted to come back the next day and write about how now I quite enjoy my life here now, but then my computer died.

And yes, for those who doubted the average salary I wrote of 250 mil pesos, that is more or less correct. I did further research and depending on various sources, the average salary is between 213 mil pesos, 278 mil pesos, and 300 mil pesos a month. And even those averages are doubtful because the top earning 10 percent in Chile make between 25-43 times more than the bottom earning 10 percent…so the top ten percent’s earnings seriously skew the statistics upward. The study that showed the highest average salary only included 26% of the workforce and they gave 400 mil pesos as an average.

Anyways, so say you’re going to move here. You think you’ll try to get a job lined up before you come down…everyone says, “Oh you speak English? Don’t worry, you’ll have no problem getting a job here!” Let me just go ahead and debunk that myth for you right now. First of all, trying to get a job while you’re not even here is extremely difficult (unless you want to be an English teacher, in which case it’s a more likely scenario). Second of all, you might speak English, but having a degree from a U.S. university doesn’t necessarily qualify you for anything. In Chile their education system differs from ours in that their degrees are much more specific. You don’t take 2 years of gen eds and then 2 years of classes in your major. Depending on the major you take 4-6 years of major specific classes. In the U.S. many people graduate and then work in a totally different field than what they studied. Here, people don’t do that. Our mentality is, if I’m smart and a hard worker then I can learn to do anything. And many times in the U.S. employers will take the risk of hiring somebody that doesn’t have the exact qualifications if they seem bright enough. In Chile a lot of companies don’t even have training policies. You arrive and on your first day of work and you better know how to do your job.

Let me just put it this way…I once went to an interview for a secretarial job, and didn’t get it because I don’t have a degree in Secretaria. I have two degrees from a reputable university in the U.S. but they didn’t mean jack to the company since I had not studied how to be a secretary.

So, going back to the working situation, getting a job not as an English teacher is difficult here for foreigners. Another factor is having a “pituto,” or an in/contact at the company. Obviously most foreigners have far less pitutos than someone who has lived here his whole life so your odds of getting a job that way are severely reduced, while I know some Chileans who have worked at every single job they’ve ever held because of pitutos.

Out of all the gringas I know that live here, the majority teach English and a couple work for foreign owned companies. One girl’s company is half owned by a Chilean but her boss is Swedish so I don’t know if that counts. She’s the closest I can think of that works for a “Chilean company.”

Also, many people have the misconception that being in South America, Chile will be cheap. It’s not…most foreigners are usually shocked by how everything here costs just as much as it does in the U.S. The only main thing I’ve noticed that is significantly cheaper than the U.S. is rent, which is a big chunk of living costs, so it helps. But, clothing, internet/cable, phone bills, hot water are usually on par with costs in the U.S., but since salaries aren’t even close to salaries in the U.S. it’s sort of like an evil, evil joke.

So after all that, I also want to talk about how it is possible to make a nice life for yourself if you work at it. My happiness levels now, compared to three years ago, are through the roof! When I first got here, I felt very down about myself. I thought it was my fault I couldn’t make friends with Chilean women. I couldn’t understand why I was having such trouble finding a job. Living with my in-laws was making me want to stab someone in the eyeball with a fork.

Eventually I started realizing that those things really weren’t personal attacks on me, they’re all cultural. I started making a ton of new friends when we moved from Estacion Central to Providencia. Whereas before I was basically the only gringa in my neighborhood, in the sector I’m living in now foreigners probably outnumber Chileans! No, that’s an over exaggeration, but it’s true that not a day goes by in which I don’t hear someone speaking English at some point in my day, even when it’s people I don’t know and am just overhearing at the gym or the grocery store. Since moving to this neighborhood in December I have met approximately 10-15 really cool, really awesome gringas, who live here semi-permanently with their Chilean significant others (most are planning to leave within the next 5 years).

Anyways, meeting these gringas changed my life. Aside from giving me friends and a validation that YES, I’m still normal and still have the social skill set to interact with gringas, even though I can’t do it with Chilenas, it was also reassuring (in a really sad way) to realize that none of them have a lot of Chilena friends either. They all struggle with the same problems I did with my in-laws. And many of them had a rough time during the job hunt too. It was like the clouds parted, the light shined down and I realized, “It’s NOT ME. It’s a different culture.”

And guess what…I don’t have to love it. I didn’t love everything about the U.S. either, so why should I expect here to be any different?

Other HUGE factors that have made a significant change in my life for the better:

My relationship with S. has been growing and changing for the better. We’re more stable, we understand each other better, and we’re both learning how to be better for each other. Our first 6 months of marriage were bumpy, the second 6 months were ok, and the last 6 months have been a walk in the park!
Having a maid. Let’s not beat around the bush, having a nana is one of the best parts about living in this country.
Living in a livable sector of Santiago. Estacion Central was not hospitable for me. I couldn’t go out if it was dark, even at 6pm. People stared at me like a freak show. There was no green places for me to jog. Restaurants and cafes were far away. Friends were far away. Everything was ugly and there was always trash and dog poop all over the sidewalks. Now that I live in Providencia all that has changed and my quality of life has improved by about a gazillion percent.
Working from home and earning a U.S. salary. I’m much more relaxed now that we don’t have to worry about money, or stressful hours (on my end at least).
And just in case I haven’t reiterated this point enough…making friends was such a turning point for me! I’m so much happier now that I have gringa friends.

So there you have it. That’s my take on moving to Santiago. When I tried to fully integrate into this society and it didn’t work, I was unhappy. So now rather than try to do things the Chilean way, I do things my way. I have one foot in their world and one foot in mine and that’s the way I like it.

To sum it all up, I’m VERY happy here right now. But, I would never consider living here long term. No way, Jose.

I hope that helps answer people’s questions!

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15 Comments

Hey K,

I’ve been reading your posts even though I’ve been off the blogsphere lately.

First of all, the mean part of my post: HOW IS IT THAT YOU CAN SAY THE EXACT THINGS I’M THINKING AND PUT THEM IN WORDS HUMANS CAN UNDERSTAND??? Grrrr!!! (sorry, jelous Fned sometimes makes an appearance, please excuse her)

You really hit the nail and I’m sure a lot of expats out there, like me, find a great ressemblence between their personal stories and what you write.

I kindda lived both sides of the coin: on the one side being a citizen of a country in which my looks and my way of thinking always prevented me from authentically fitting in and on the other, being a foreigner arriving in a country so different from my own and having to start from scratch.

It’s been 6 years since I moved here and although I’ve had my ups and downs with the french culture over the years, I can’t say I had it as bad as you. Ok, so my Licenciatura from back home didn’t get me a job here (same problem, different education systems) and yes, I had to work some pretty crummy jobs before I finally found one I liked, and yes, yes the hassle of being a foreigner sometimes can get to you. Yet, I never felt physically threatened, or had to endure my (somewhat overbearing) PIL more than necessary and never ever felt “shunned” by French women (at least to my face).

However, I have yet to make one single French friendship.

A real one.

We have several friends, but most come from knowing hubby or being co-workers and even then, the ones we’re closest to are usually foreigners too!

Enter Hubby. Like S, he’s been with me through it all and his unfaltering support in the ups and the downs each and every day has made this process from hell a process I do not regret.

So like you’ve done, I am slowly coming to accept that I AM a foreigner and I have nothing to be embarassed about. I no longer thrive to be fully integrated and when I know that there’s going to be a culture clash I am no longer ashamed of standing on MY culture(s) side.

The sad part though, and one that seems more and more evident as the years go by, is that being an expat (even a non-fully integrated one) in one country means slowly loosing those things(small as they may be in my case) which actually made you belong in your country of origin in the first place, so that when you go back (home?) you don’t feel you fit in there either!

The optimistic in me wants to say that this is what “becoming a citizen of the world” is all about.

Fned.

Comment by Fned — May 16, 2008 @ 5:00 am

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I think it’s a hard realization for us to realize that maybe we *can’t* live everywhere…

I always thought I was so flexible and friendly I’d be sure to fit in and like every place loads. Um, yeah. Not so much, I’ve realized…but then again I don’t have a hot foreign husband to force me to like a place, either. Hehehe.

Jayna

Comment by Anonymous — May 16, 2008 @ 6:06 am

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we must be living parallel lives in opposite hemispheres, ummm, are reading my brain? Everything sounds exactly like my experience in Spain. Exactly. Including salaries, spanish girlfriends, the gringas (well, here theyre called “guiris”)…oh, wait, except for housing. Housing through the roof. Oh, yeah, and I do want to stay here permanently. Mackin Ink http://mackink.blogspot.com says it perfectly, “oh, i must be homesick. which is only a problem when you realize you’re already at home.”

Comment by Bluestreak — May 16, 2008 @ 7:49 am

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Fned, I’m curious, what kind of cultural things do you think you are slowly losing? I’m wondering if/when I will get to that stage too…I’ve been in Chile about half the time that you’ve been in France so I’m not quite there yet, but I guess that I should mentally prepare myself.

Although I will say that I’m more streetsmart, definitely less naive than I was when I lived in the U.S.

Jayne, same thing, I thought that being a friendly flexible person would help me to fit in pretty much anywhere too but it’s definitely not the case! But, being the flexible person that I am I can just accept that I don’t fit in and move on

Bluestreak, LOVE that quote from Mackin Ink, it really does sum things up pretty nicely!

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — May 16, 2008 @ 9:23 am

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“I didn’t love everything about the U.S. either, so why should I expect here to be any different?”

Great point. That is where I am at with living in Brazil. However with mine only being a 2 year assignment I know it is much different. We did treat it like a long term move though. The only thing left for us in the US is a bit of furniture.

It is great that you brought up the ‘cheap’ perception. That is also true for Brazil. Things are the same price or more with the exchange rate. The only thing cheaper here is produce and beer.

I still struggle with not being able to go out alone at night. It feels a bit like I’m trapped sometimes, but I’m adjusting.

Great follow up! I enjoyed reading it.

Comment by Lori - Blondie in Brazil — May 16, 2008 @ 11:32 am

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Yeah Lori, I feel for you…I think Brazil may be even more expensive than Chile! I know it felt that way when I traveled there a while back.

My heart goes out to you being “trapped” at night…it’s the worst feeling isn’t it?

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — May 16, 2008 @ 11:39 am

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Nice Post.

I would like to add a nuance on your comment about how Chilean girls were forgiving men “because they are men”, in the first part of this post.

It seems to me (being French living in Chile) that Chilean women also expect to be forgiven anything for various reasons (period, natural feminine weakness, ecetera…), and that this opinion is shared by a large majority of men. This is sexist alright, but balancing a bit your statement.

In a more general way, I was told (by a Chilean woman) that I had to forgive Chilean because they were children of the dictature (and stop trying to change them). Parece que hay muchas excusas para chilenos, y en este maniera quisas de verdad, son hiros de la dictatura…

Comment by jyby — May 16, 2008 @ 1:04 pm

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“I always thought I was so flexible and friendly I’d be sure to fit in and like every place loads.” well said Jayna – this was pretty much my way of thinking before I moved here too. But alas, reality is always a very far cry from the pretty fantasy inside your head.

And Kyle, I love what you say about keeping one foot in your world and the other here…so true…this is balance, the key to making life bearable when living abroad.

Finding a job here is definitely no piece of cake and I was lucky enough to be at the right place at the right time….

Comment by Girl.Meets.Chile — May 16, 2008 @ 1:07 pm

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Jyby, I think that’s definitely true as well. A lot of Chilean women grow up being coddled. I have definitely noticed in my sister in law how she says she can’t do things, but really they’re things she is perfectly capable of, she has just been brought up to believe she’s too weak.

Tamsin, give yourself some credit though…it was a whole lot more than luck that go you your impressive job…you are highly qualified, bilingual and really smart too! Although, you’re right, luck of being in the right place at the right time probably helped a little bit

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — May 16, 2008 @ 1:19 pm

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wow, again, I will say I admire you for grabbing life by the horns and making it work for you.

Comment by Reb — May 16, 2008 @ 2:34 pm

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What an interesting blog you’ve got! Oh, and what an exciting life too!

I can sort of relate to being a foreigner in a different country and starting from scratch, as I left Canada for a few years to live and teach in Japan. It was the most challenging, yet the most amazing few years of my life!

Now, I’m a city girl who has fallen in love with a farmer and I have been “transplanted” on an island in the middle of one of the Great Lakes (in Canada). It’s a crazy life, but what’s life without excitement?
P.S. I just surfed in via BlogHer. Glad I did!

Comment by C — May 16, 2008 @ 5:28 pm

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It was really reassuring to read this post, even if I’m only here for a few months. (I’ve thought about coming back, though…hmmm…) I’ve had a hard time making Chilean friends too, as well as nearly everyone else in my study abroad program. There are perfectly nice people I chat with, but in terms of really spending time together and getting to know each other….nope, it’s almost puro gringos. But I think your “one foot here, one foot there” philosophy is indeed the key to being happy. I may be getting less cultural immersion than I had originally expected/hoped for, but that’s how life is working out, and I’m cool with it!

(In the very least, it gives me a whole new appreciation for things like a friendly smile or toilet paper in every bathroom stall…)

Comment by chilean-caro — May 18, 2008 @ 5:53 pm

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I’ve been reading your blog for awhile, even before I moved to Santiago three months ago. I always enjoy reading your musings on life in Chile and this particular posting rang so true that I had to say something.

I am an English teacher living in Providencia. (And I choose this particular comuna for the same reasons even though some frat boy gringos I know who live in Bella Vista, right next to El Patio mind you, call it “Americatown”) I really love my students and so far I like my job but I have been struggling with accepting the city itself. After arriving here and settling in somewhat, I realized that this place is not really what I had expected.

While there are things I do enjoy about Santiago, there are also things that perplex and frustrate me on a daily basis. But, similar to yourself, I realized that I would have to do things my own way in order to keep myself from going crazy.

Basically I just wanted to say keep up the great work and that I really like your blog. And as a single woman in Santiago, I would like to read a little more sex in the SITC blog. Chilean men confuse the hell out of me.

Comment by rms81 — May 27, 2008 @ 9:44 pm

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I really envy that you can work from home and make a U.S. salary. I have stopped in here before… I am living in Ecuador with my Chilean man and our baby. My bub makes a pretty good salary so I don’t have to work but I really want to start making money of my own because my family lives very very far away and I want to be able to visit them as I please. Flight costs are skyrocketing. Plus of course I’d like to have more money to put in the bank and spend as well. We use the US dollar here so stuff is pretty expensive! Food and rent are cheaper than in Japan where I lived but stuff like furniture and clothing is more expensive. I am curious as to how you got started as a blogger. I am starting to apply to freelance writing jobs (not blogging yet because I know very little about it, such as where you get the latest info on celebrities, etc.) so I hope I get lucky eventually. It is hard though when you have a baby in one hand and type with the other. I don’t have any gringa friends here or friends in general, ha. I am friends with my husband’s coworker’s wife who is ecuadorian but that is about it. there seem to be a heck of a lot of gringa-chileno couples! here i dont see mixed couples at all. anyway nuff rambling…

Comment by kumichan83 — May 30, 2008 @ 4:27 pm

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