2008 June | Kyle Hepp

June 16, 2008

Heather just wrote what I think is a pretty brilliant comparison of Chilean and gringo cultures when it comes to friendships. Her post is called, “Good advice, develop your people filter.” Aside from one remark she makes about worrying whether people might steal her stuff, I’ve pretty much had similar feelings and realizations to everything in her article.

Chileans, to me, are much harder to read than gringos.

On multiple occasions I’ve thought that a Chilean woman seems cool and would be fun to hang out with. Then we’ve done the phone number exchange and I’ve called only to get blown off or burned if we make actual plans.

After years of trying to ingratiate myself with S.’s friends girlfriends, after one particularly fun night I really felt I was making progress and that they had totally accepted me as one of the group. Then later that same week I found out that they had all went out together and hadn’t invited me.

It got to the point that I was so nervous about actually trying to make a Chilena friend that when I met a cool girl at a party 6 months ago I didn’t even want to ask her for her phone number. I made S. do it, and at first she was put off because she thought a married man was trying to get himself a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side.

S. got her phone number, she added me on facebook the next day and we made plans via The Wall to go out. On the big day that I went to meet up with her I was very nervous. I spent forever trying to choose an outfit that didn’t scream, “loser trying to hard to make friends!” Although that fact that I did spend forever on picking it out means I was a loser trying to hard to make friends, but I didn’t want to give off that vibe.

I arrived at the given meeting point and she didn’t show up. I started freaking out. I called S. in tears, “This is the LAST time I EVER talk to a Chilean woman again. I hate them all!”

I thought I had been burned once again.

Yet, for some reason, I didn’t leave (which, again, shows how desperate I really was to have one nice female Chilean in my life). After waiting for a half an hour I was packing up to go home when she showed up, frantically apologizing — she was stuck in a meeting and hadn’t been able to call.

Now that same woman is one of my good friends. She’s been nothing but loyal and amazing….just how she seemed from the get go. But, I strongly feel that she’s the exception to the rule. Not that there aren’t loyal and amazing Chilenas out there, because there are. It’s just way harder to find them because things aren’t as they seem here. People often come across as really friendly and open, they’ll say, “Yeah, let’s hang out!” and then later on you find out that they have zero desire to form any kind of relationship with you.

This girl was different because what you see is what you get with her.

Is it because appearances are so important in Chile that you must act like the nicest person in the world even if you plan on crushing their hopes and feelings quietly and discretely later on…just so as not to appear like you’re a mean person?

This isn’t about what’s better or what’s worse. It’s just about differences in cultures, which is a major impediment when it comes to making friends in this culture. In the U.S., what you see is usually what you get. If a gringo acts like a rude asshole, he is a rude asshole. If a gringo acts like he wants to be your friend, he does want to be your friend.

In my gringa eyes, because that’s the system I’ve grown up with and know how to work my way around in, that way of relating to people seems much simpler.

In Chile, the rules are different. In general you’re expected to act like you want to be everyone’s friend, and never be a rude asshole in public. Only time will tell a person’s true intentions.

Chileans are used to this system, which is why, as my husband puts it, “We trust no one.”

27 Comments

June 13, 2008

I think I speak fluent Spanish….or at least sometimes I think I do. Granted, I have the horrible accent and all that, but I speak quickly and easily in the language without having to translate in my head or anything like that. I dream in Spanish quite often and sometimes even when I’m speaking or typing in English I’ll accidentally write a word out in espanol just because it’s what comes to mind first.

But, every once in a while I’ll overhear something that makes me wonder, “Did he/she really just say that or I am totally misunderstanding because I don’t speak Spanish.”

Today at the pharmacy, an older woman walked in, and to no one in general began mumbling, very loudly “Donde esta la crema lechuga, crema lechuga donde estas?”

It’s always funny to hear someone talking out loud in public, especially if she looks like a crazy cat lady and is repeating over and over, “Where’s the lettuce lotion, lettuce lotion where are you.”

I thought I was losing it and that she must have been saying a word that sounded like lettuce but had a different meaning more related to personal hygiene products and not edibles.

A guard quickly approached her and replied, “M’am, the lettuce lotion is right over there,” pointing her in the right direction. I stared at him incredulously, and may have even said out loud, just like the crazy cat lady, “Lettuce lotion?!? That can’t be right!”

So I casually meandered on past where the crazy cat lady was staring at bottles of creams and sure enough, she was holding one that said “Crema Lechuga.”

Now my brain was really about to explode. Could I be translating “lechuga,” wrong? Does lechuga not mean lettuce? Could lechuga really mean freckles or bags under your eyes?!? What is going on???

I walked home pondering the mysteries of life and Crema Lechuga. Then all of a sudden it hit me! There’s a saying here that goes, “fresco como lechuga,” or “fresh as lettuce,” in the literal translation, which would be the equivalent of saying “fresh as a daisy,” in English.

Fresh Lotion would make a lot more sense than Lettuce Lotion, even though Lettuce Lotion does have a nice ring to it.

And YAY, I do speak Spanish, just like I suspected. Why do I doubt myself, and then start thinking that I’m the one going “round the bend,” in the words of the great Roald Dahl? I’m not crazy…the cat lady isn’t even crazy. We’re both totally sane…because the fact that Lettuce Lotion exists here makes perfect sense

PS. Just googled crema lechuga and it has it’s own website! Coolio.

17 Comments

June 12, 2008