Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

July 23, 2008

Ever since I’ve been diagnosed with asthma I’ve been making more of an effort to stay away from smoking. And no, I don’t mean trying not to smoke myself. I don’t. In fact, my first and only experience with inhaling was when I lived in Chile when I was 14 years old. I tried a cigarette at a party because I wondered whether people did it because it was “cool” or it actually felt good. It didn’t feel good. After that, I lost all interest.

So basically, the doctor told me that I brought the asthma upon myself, by exercising outside, and frequenting places with people who smoke. I was a bit nervous to bring the subject with my husband. He doesn’t smoke either but literally every single friend he has does. Duh. We’re in Chile. This country has one of the highest percentages of smokers in the world. So when I told my husband that I would no longer be able to sit around shooting the shit with a room full of lung killers, I knew that had the possibility of putting a serious damper on our social life. With his close friends, it’s not a problem. If I say, “Guys, would you mind smoking outside?” They will. No questions asked. But, I was more concerned about acquaintances, not best friends.

Our first test was last Saturday. We went to play poker with friends of S.’s from work from his newest construction site. He had never done anything social with them before so I was petrified to tell them they couldn’t smoke around me. Fortunately, the unthinkable happened. We walked in. One of the other guys began to light up. And the host’s girlfriend sent him outside. I didn’t even have to say anything! I was shocked to put it mildly. This rarely happens in a Chilean residence. Most people don’t even ask before they start destroying their lungs as well as the lungs of everyone else in their proximity.

Note: Let’s just tell it like it is. I think a smoker who smokes anywhere that any non-smoker could possibly be breathing the same air, is a selfish asshole — here, in the U.S., everywhere.

Anyways, later on in the evening, I figured out why the hostess was allowing no smoking. The telling conversation went a little something like this.

Hostess: So you two have been married now for a year and a half, right?
Me: Yep, that’s right.
Hostess (excitedly): You must be thinking about kids then. You’re probably trying to get pregnant right?!?
Me: (Makes face like this). I hate kids, so does my husband. We want to wait another 10 years before we start trying to ruin our lives.*
Hostess: I’m 5 months pregnant.
Me: (Sits in awkward silence) Ummm….congratulations?

Hahaha, and you all wonder why I only have one Chilena friend. This strange friendless phenomenon may be caused by a severe case of foot-in-mouth syndrome.

*Disclaimer: Notice how I said OUR lives. I have utmost respect for people who have children and raise them successfully. That actually kind of amazes me. But, it’s not for us right now. We also really don’t hate children, I didn’t actually mean anything that harsh when I said it. That’s just how it came out. Both of us really like cool, non-obnoxious children.

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16 Comments

I actually don’t believe that a Chilean – even a pregnant one – sent people outside to smoke. I make people do that at our apartment, and while they don’t have a problem with it, I think they chalk it up to me being a crazy gringa. My asthma isn’t really all that bad, and I usually only remember to take my inhaler before working out (even though theoretically I should take it a lot more and have just adjusted to breathing poorly!), but I do tend to blame the no-smoking rule on the asthma. Somehow that makes more sense to the average person than “I don’t really want cancer, nor do I want my apartment to smell like a rancid ashtray”!

Comment by Emily — July 23, 2008 @ 11:32 pm

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Dude, don’t ask me HOW I knew, I just did, that the baby subject was comming up when she asked the smoker to go outside.

Hubby and I are going on our 3rd year of mariage, which according to almost everyone around us, means we’re 2 years and 3 months late in having a baby.

I HATE it when the subject comes up and worst, when THE question comes out (it always does): “so, when are you guys thinking of starting a family?” By this point, we just smile our dumb faces and say “not right now, we’re just enjoying being the two of us for the time being”

Uhrg! I agree with you guys… no way we’re trading our self centered, selfish, stress-free life style we’ve got going on right now for diapers and bottles and sleepless nights. Uh-uh. At least not in a very long time.

I don’t mean babies aren’t cute and cuddly and smell nice, but it’s just that there’s so much stuff we want to do before we have to settle down and put another person’s needs before our own. At least that’s how we see it for the time being.

Fned.

P.S. BTW, I too had a couple of “Babies? Hell no!” comments being answered with “well, we’re preggars!!”.

Comment by Fned — July 24, 2008 @ 2:12 am

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That cracked me up! I too have asthma (see — we really are the same person), and in addition to that, I really, REALLY hate cigarette smoke, but nobody smokes indoors here, anyway. It’s actually now illegal to have smoking in a restaurant — if it’s a bar, it has to get the majority of its money from booze, not food, to allow smoking.

But I digress. I had several foot-in-mouth moments regarding the baby thing, and now I’ve learned to tailor my response. I tell people, “Not yet. We have dogs, and that’s enough work for us,” and they usually leave it alone. If they push the subject, I’ll let them know that I don’t actually like children, which then gets me out of any future babysitting queries. Bonus!

Comment by Kristen — July 24, 2008 @ 5:38 am

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Even though smoking at work was banned here 2 years ago my boss still smokes in the office. I want to slap him.

Marcos and I are both anti-smokers too, if fact just yesterday we were having a conversation about it. Marcos was trying to express how much he hated smoking by saying “If I had a gun and you were allowed to shoot people, smokers would be my first victims!” I couldnt stop laughing. A little dramatic and violent but they are killing US with their cancer sticks!

Comment by Kristy — July 24, 2008 @ 6:44 am

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It’s interesting to hear, because this is exactly what I thought europe was going to be like. And while people still smoke, it’s been banned from indoors most places. I was at a party in Belgium and everyone smoked outside. Times are changing… at least in some places.

Comment by Christine Gilbert — July 24, 2008 @ 8:21 am

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I’m a former smoker, and my husband still smokes, but never in the house or car or around me. I’ve mainly learned to ignore it, which is relatively easy b/c we’re in California where it’s illegal to smoke *anywhere* inside and even in most public outdoor places. I can’t remember the last time I saw someone smoke inside…

Re the “no kids” thing — it took us a while to get our answer down: “Nope, it’s just not in the cards for us.” That keeps people from asking any follow up questions b/c they’re afraid it’s a medical thing. Ha.

Last weekend at BlogHer I went to a “childfree blogging” session that was incredible, merely because I was in a room with 60 other writers who didn’t want kids, after being surrounded for two days by 1,000 mommy bloggers talking about potty training and picking schools. Which is important, but not part of my life.

Kids are great, but not for me.

Comment by cat — July 24, 2008 @ 1:13 pm

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I have to be honest…somewhat off subject…but seriously I am not a fan of other people’s children. If they are cool and non-obnoxious then I agree, they are okay—but a lot of kids I see are rude and direspectful.

So I guess I can sign you up for mt “I hate other people’s kids” t-shirt…when I finally make it, then?
To wear that will be the ultimate foot-in-mouth!

Comment by Rachel — July 24, 2008 @ 7:06 pm

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While extremely uncouth, pestering a couple about pregnancy plans is pandemic in Chile. You nailed it with your retort, Kyle, next time do it intentionally.

Comment by Asthmatic Child Hater — July 25, 2008 @ 6:27 am

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My husband and I don’t smoke, but most of his family and my sister do. I don’t think anyone would come to our house and light up. It’s just not acceptable in the US anymore unless you know the person is OK with it. When family comes to visit, they go outside to smoke.

They smoke in their homes though and sometimes it drives me crazy having three smokers there chain smoking. I go outside to clear my head.

The worst part for me is the smell of cigarette smoke. I don’t like it. I can smell it on my hair and clothes after we’ve visited family and it makes me want to shower and wash everything. My husband doesn’t notice it at all because he grew up in an environment with smokers.

Comment by Ordinary Girl — July 25, 2008 @ 12:20 pm

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hahaha, that’s hilarious about being asked when you are going to have a baby. jajaja. The subject used to come up from time to time at family get together’s with Vuko’s family. We aren’t even married, but really that’s just a detail.. jjajjaja. But every time the “when are you guys going to have a baby” subject came up, I just would say “in 8 more months.” Often I would say this while having a pisco sour. I gave them the “in 10 more years” answer once too, and you should have seen their long faces!! I quickly said “in 8 more months” to lighten things up. jajajaa. My suegros got bored with my answer and stopped asking. I am the ever-pregnant nuera.

I was at a wedding once too, and the couple had been married for like an hour, and the mother of the groom asked me and Vuko when we were getting married. And we sort of ignored the question and she kept asking. Both of us just sat there in disbelief. We hadn’t even finished celebrating her son’s union. It seemed an inappropriate question at the moment. But actually, that’s about all Chilean women were worried about, back in the day. Especially in the 19th century, the Chilean wives were the “marriage brokers” for their children. (Manuel VicuÃ±a’s concept) They would find out what they could about potential grooms…economic status, personality, etc. and then arrange the marriages. So it’s just a cultural thing that has yet to fade away.

Comment by Maeskizzle — July 25, 2008 @ 2:08 pm

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I lived in a no-smoking apt in Vina with the rule implemented and started by my Chilean roommates. And Seba hates the smoking. As does my host family. None of it in the house. That said, I am starting to think I choose friends by their smoking habits.

Comment by Clare — July 25, 2008 @ 3:49 pm

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I think you should burst into tears the next time someone asks about kids, just sob out, we caaaannn’ttt. Okay, I am wicked. I am a firm believer that children totally change your life,and you should not have them unless you really want them, it isn’t fair to anyone otherwise. I like the perpetually pregnant answer, then you can follow it up with weird requests like no mayo on your food.
Maybe the best answer is to just look sad, and say “we don’t know”…
regards,
Theresa

Comment by Theresa in MÃ¨rida — July 25, 2008 @ 5:47 pm

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Yikes! Anti-smokers, not anti-smoking (as one commenter said)!

As a smoker myself, I try to be as aware as possible of not polluting the breathing space of non-smokers. And if I fail to do so, I’m more than happy to do anything possible to get my smoke out of the way of non-smokers as graciously as possible.

I’d never smoke in a non-smoker’s home even if they said it was okay. I try to stay downwind if smoking outside and if I can’t, will extinguish my cigarrete. I like the fact that one can’t smoke indoors in the US. I will walk far, far away from a group of people if I choose to light up and do my best to stay away from EVERYONE. I won’t smoke in my own home if I have a non-smoking guest and would take extra measures to clean the place out if they had a condition such as asthma.

But if someone decided that they hate ME and not my nasty habit, then things change. If they say that I’m an a$$hole or God forbid, make jokes about actually SHOOTING me instead of politely asking me to move far, far away, then I guess I wouldn’t be so polite.

In that case, I think I’d start puffing away like a chimney and claim the right to do what I please in a public space!

Comment by Melissa — July 27, 2008 @ 3:49 pm

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Melissa, I don’t think I’ve ever met a smoker like you in my life. Even my own dad was never conscious of where he smoked. I definitely admire your awareness.

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — July 27, 2008 @ 3:55 pm

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WTF????

> the doctor told me that I brought
> the asthma upon myself, by
> exercising outside, (…)

I can see the smog from my window, I can feel it in my lungs every day, and I miss running in the cerro very much, but can it really cause asthma? And does the fact of going to the swimming pool or the gym instead changes anything? (The pollution is everywhere!)

What a country where the doctor labels outside sport as unhealthy activity

Comment by jyby — July 28, 2008 @ 5:42 am

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Husband was born with asthma, two of the best things for it are swimming and yoga. He says that when he practiced yoga on a daily basis his need for medication went way down. He also played a wind instrument when he was young because it helps with breathing. Asthma sux.
regards,
Theresa

Comment by Theresa in MÃ¨rida — July 30, 2008 @ 5:40 pm

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