Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

August 1, 2008

The Chilean obsession with mayonnaise is so severe that it absolutely dumbfounds me. If you’re a mayo lover you’d be quite content in this country. I’m not really sure what we could compare it to in the U.S.; maybe our country’s love of ketchup? But, even ketchup’s red sticky tentacles in the U.S. don’t reach as far and wide as mayo’s tentacles do here.

They put it on everything. It’s used as a dressing on salads, slathered on top of hotdogs that are already covered in avocado, women on diets dip veggies dipped in mayo light for dinner, women not on diets dip potato chips and french fries in it. I’ve even seen someone eat mayo on eggs here.

I don’t eat mayo in the U.S. and try to stay away from it here as well, although that has proved nearly impossible. So I can’t chime in on differences in taste, but I know that it certainly looks different than the U.S. version. Our version is white, the Chilean version is a dark creamy yellow color. And it comes in a bag, not a jar.

Today, I went to a new salad bar type place that opened up next to Starbucks for lunch call Oh! Salad Garden. Let me just say that Oh! Sucks!

I assumed since they were a salad bar they would carry actual salad dressings. But, no. The clerk explained my options to me. I could have mayonnaise with red pepper, mayonnaise with merquen (a Chilean spice, which is actually smoky, a little spicy, totally delish and way underutilized here since the Chilean people as a whole seem to have something against flavor), Salsa Golf or Salsa Cesar. For your information, Salsa Golf is a 50/50 mix of ketchup and mayo that Chileans also enjoy using as a dip for potato chips and french fries. This country definitely rivals the U.S. when it comes to it’s oh-so-healthy eating habits.

I went with the Caesar dressing, but upon my first bite realized that it wasn’t Caesar dressing, it just tasted like plain old mayonnaise.

The whole salad eating incident here reminds me of another eating quirk in this country. Salads as we know them don’t exist. Aside from the fact that they don’t have salad dressing aside from the three main options of mayo with something, oil and lemon or oil and vinegar, they just don’t do salads as we gringas know them.

In general, veggies like cauliflower, broccoli, peppers and onions will only go on a Chilean salad if they’re cooked. And by cooked, I mean overcooked until they’re mushy, disgusting and totally devoid of any nutritional value. And if you order a cucumber salad, for example, don’t think that means the cucumbers will come on a bed of lettuce or with anything else (including dressing). In Chile’s case, judge a salad book by it’s cover. If the menu says cucumber salad, you will be served a plate of cut up cucumbers; nothing more, nothing less. In the majority of Santiago restaurants, if you want a salad as we know it, say a mixture of lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers, you must order everything separately. Your ensalada de Lechuga, ensalada de tomate y ensalada de pepino will then arrive on separate plates and if you want to combine them you must request a bowl or extra plate from the waiter, who will then look at you curiously and shake his head as if to, “Oh these crazy gringas…”

So anyways, like I said, I was quite excited to come to Oh! Salad Garden. I thought they might have something closer resembling what I know and believe to be a salad. I picked out my “lettuce blend,” and then approached the counter to ask for veggies. Unfortunately this place is a salad garden, not a salad bar, much to my disappointment. You could only ask for two veggies from the non-premium items, one from the premium items, and one kind of meat. For my non-premium produce, I requested tomato and cucumber. Me and my salad attendant then moved on to the premium goodies. Unfortunately everything either had cheese (don’t like) or was some form of soggy overcooked vegetable. I asked if I could get another non-premium item instead. No. Even if I didn’t want meat either? No. No, substitutions are allowed. Although the girl did seem kind of unsure of herself, but I wasn’t in the mood to be combative so I accepted my fate (See my previously written “No” post. Chileans are obsessed with the word no and they wield it’s power like a sword at every given opportunity).

I asked if there were any premium items without cheese or soggy vegetables. She said yes and pointed to round white balls about in inch in circumference. They sort of appeared to be carefully molded potatoes. I accepted without asking what they were. Next up she heaped crutons and Caesar dressing, aka mayo on my salad. I was going to eat at the cute little neon green tables in their dining room, but I had some sort of post-traumatic stress disorder flashback to when we lived with S.’s mom and she decorated every inch of the entire house in that color, which, after poop brown and vomit green (no, calling those colors chocolate and olive don’t make them any prettier) is quite possibly my least favorite hue in the whole entire world. So I went to a table over at Starbucks, whose decor is also ugly, but less in your face. I was eager to sample my sample and figure out what those little white balls were. Also, I had asked for chicken on my salad and it came in a rectangular block of grey matter. That too was making me nervous, but I’m willing to try anything once.

I sat down. I took a big bite of leafy greens. Tears nearly welled up in my eyes when I realized that the country of Chile had fooled me with crappy mayo disguised as salad dressing, yet again. I took a bite of the grey rectangular block. It tasted like grey cardboard. Fortunately, since it was just an entire block of matter sitting on top of my salad, it was not difficult to pick out. And last but not least, I lifted a little white ball to my mouth. It was a ball of bread.

Did I mention that Chile’s second greatest food obsession after mayo, is carbs?

I really should have taken a picture of these oddities, but I didn’t have my camera with me. They were so weird looking though, that I would almost considering going back just to get the photo, except for the fact that the piece of shit salad was $7 dollars!!! Jeez, that’s like Panera Bread expensive, but McDonald’s quality.

Aaaaand, I can’t believe I just spent a half an hour writing about mayo and salad. Over and out.

18 Comments

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18 Comments

his was a funny rant/post. i HATE mayo, so i would be in real trouble….ordering stuff without (NO!)

Comment by feistyMNgirl — August 1, 2008 @ 1:05 pm

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Haha, yeah you would have some serious problems down here The key is just to repeat your request over and over and over until they give in: Sin mayonesa por favor, sin mayonesa por favor, sin mayo….

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — August 1, 2008 @ 1:24 pm

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Oh my gosh, that’s CRAZY. And hilarious (but only because I don’t live there). I am never going to take my salads for granted again.

Although, I DO like mayo, just not on everything. And I only eat the fat free version.

Comment by Kristen — August 1, 2008 @ 2:03 pm

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mayonnaise…the reason I went to Sam’s Club and bought a giant jar of Miracle Whip!!! I’m not sure if that has less fat and crap in it, but its definitely whiter that the mayo. The first day I got here, Ro’s family had a bunch of different food and dips set up and I was asking what it was. There was a big bowl full of mayo and it was next to the salsa golf, and I knew that was half mayo and half ketchup so I asked him if the bowl of mayo was mayo with mustard. He laughed and said no. when he told me it was just mayo, i asked why it was sooo yellow. I couldn’t believe it!
I have given up on being excited about food here. Every now and again I get surprised, but I usually know that what I order is not the same as my mind is picturing it.

Comment by Shannon — August 1, 2008 @ 2:51 pm

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mayo on eggs, GROSS. i have to defend chile on the issue of salads though. i’m generally pleased to see they aren’t drenched in dressing.
definitely won’t be going to “Oh!”…

Comment by cavils in chile — August 1, 2008 @ 3:11 pm

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Oh, that sounds like an awful experience. But at least you made it amusing for your readers

Comment by Reb — August 1, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

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OH! My God!. I have been to Oh! Salad Garden and yep, nearly cried when I tasted that bland abomination of a salad.

By the way – McDonald’s salads (from the states) are WAY better than Oh! Salad Garden’s!

Comment by Amanda — August 1, 2008 @ 6:02 pm

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At least Oh! Salad Garden has bottled Arizona iced tea… but of course, it’s like twice the actual price.

P.S. You should have snuck the ranch in your purse!

Comment by Amanda — August 1, 2008 @ 6:03 pm

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If you want nice salads you should go to El Vegetariano, El Naturista, El Unicornio or El Huerto. They all have nice salads without mayo. They are all vegetarian food places ; )
In other restaurants you do not need to ask for separate plates, you can order “una ensalada mixta” , some places have two versions of these: one with ordinary vegetables and other with more expensive ones. Claudia.

Comment by Anonymous — August 1, 2008 @ 6:45 pm

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It is the same here. They are obsessed with the stuff! It goes on everything – french fries, pizza, sandwiches. And not just a little, A LOT! I almost got sick when we sat down with someone here and she proceeded to squeeze packets of the stuff all over her pizza.

I don’t eat it much, but I have bought a jar to make chicken and tuna salad here. We have Hellmans and it isn’t so bad. I’m just more selective about how I eat it than Brazilians are. Although, I’ve heard this isn’t the case in places like Sao Paulo. Oh and our Salsa Golf is call Rose here.

Comment by Lori - Blondie in Brazil — August 2, 2008 @ 5:58 am

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I remember that in Mexico the mayo would sit out in the sun all day long, but no one really got sick.

They must really have some super-duper-latino-mayo in that hemisphere.

The salad ordeal sounds just gross. Yuck.

I guess it’s carbs and mayo for you from now on…I’m just sayin’.

Comment by That girl — August 2, 2008 @ 10:44 pm

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Well I am glad that you took the time to write this post, because Edgard and I laughed a lot. I do like mayo sparingly, but am very picky and will eat only one brand. Needless to say, I won’t be trying any of thee yellow mayo in a bag from Chile….

Comment by Rachel — August 3, 2008 @ 3:40 pm

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Hahaha. Sorry, you poor thing. Yeah, eating out at restaurants here isn’t like in the States. I don’t trust just any place. Not only did I have to construct a “people filter” to make Chilean friends, I also had to develop a “restaurant filter”. Basically, if its never been recommended to me, I lower my expectations. I experiment less here in Chile, but when I do try out new restaurants, I go to places friends have suggested or if I’m curious, and want to try a place I’ve never heard of, I lower my expectations, so every now and then I’m pleasantly surprised. In Santiago Centro, there aren’t many “picadas”. Only Restoran Alpamayo comes to mind at the moment. But I must say, living here has really been a boost to my ego, because I cook better food than most restaurants in my neighborhood.

Comment by Maeskizzle — August 4, 2008 @ 12:00 pm

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I don’t like mayo much, but I will occasionally have a tiny bit on a sandwich when I’m not in the mood for mustard. And I guess I like it in coleslaw when I eat that rarely.

But I sympathize. It sucks to have a craving for something healthy and not be able to find anything on the menu. My husband and I both have a short list of restaurants we won’t go to (mine unhealthy, his healthy) as a compromise. And I usually end up making veggies for myself for dinner and broiling my meat while I fry his on the stove top. Oh for him to love healthy food!

Comment by Ordinary Girl — August 5, 2008 @ 9:16 am

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I love mayo. And as I couldn’t find it in every country, I think I’ve definitely gorged on it back home. But I would never dip things in it. Or put it plain on salads. But sandwiches? Definite must.

Jayna

Comment by Anonymous — August 6, 2008 @ 5:49 pm

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Everyone I know from Chile makes their own mayo, with egg yolks and oil. Until I saw it made that way, I admit I had no idea what mayo WAS! I have never been a mayo fan, either, but the fresh stuff is SO different from what comes in a jar in the US.

Comment by Anonymous — August 22, 2008 @ 12:54 pm

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if you want to see alot of mayo, go to this one place called ‘Guaton,’ on the corner of Av. Bustamante and Mujica… they have these sandwiches that are gigante and you can’t eat one by yourself, because it’s so big. Oh hey and that place is open till like 6am, except on sundays.

Comment by Patrick — September 1, 2008 @ 3:55 pm

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You poor thing ! What plannet have you decended from. Most chileans they like their food and the way is presented.

Most multinationals ( which extensively research people’s habits ) before hand , normally get it right ! iT IS CALLED MARKETING RESEARCH AND IS DIRECTED TO A SEGMENT OF THE POPULATION THAT THEY ARE TARGETING AS POTENTIAL BUYERS ! This is what people like, so this is what they get.

If you are an american , you should be well used to the sound of that , if you are european unless Italian or French, the food you get over here will leave you yet again FEELING dissapointed.

And for those who are as fuzzy as they could be when judging other countries habits , perhaps a fast track trip to a psicologist should be recommentded. If you are left wondering : Am I just the left out one in a society and cannot addapt or make the best of a bad job .

I am sure that you have probably heard the proberb, IF YOU CAN’T STAND THE HEAT – GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN ! Speaks loud and clear my dear !

If you want good food , there are plenty of restaurants offering the choice in Santiago and elsewhere in Chile – but as everywhere else if you decide to go fast and cheap you will get fast and cheap.

Try the wondefull food that you get in Time Square New York- Piccadilly Circus in London- Union Starion in Washington – or Victoria Train Station in London even arround the Obelisco in Buenos Aires or on the seaside in Rio – by the copacabana or Ipanema beach. You just get a pleasant athmosphere but not really the highest cousinne experience ! But i go there for other reasons , and ANOTHER ENGLISH PROBERB COMES TO MY MIND, WHEN IN ROME DO AS THE ROMAN’S DO ! and you will not go wrong ! After all they have years of experience my dear !

So if you are foreign and you don’t like the warmth of the people and the warmth and welcoming country , perhaps you should go elsewhere – you will be happier over there !
I have taken many many foreign people to Chile – mostrly Europeans and they leave the country with the sadness of having to depart ! They love abosolutely everything ! And that goes for Rich and discerning to middle class to less well off !

And if you happened to be chilean – God save us on how silly young people can get to be noted !

There is one and only one comment which i found valid on your post – VARIETY – should be offered – but at the same time if you like variety you could go to the markets and prepare it your way , jut for yourself ! Plenty of produce and good quality one arround, i can assure of that – and the prices are very innexpensive to foreign people !

Wish you the best of luck on your endevours to find the perfect place !

from someone who has traveled A LOT !

Comment by Anonymous — October 24, 2008 @ 2:26 am

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