Kyle Hepp

19 Comments »

1. 

   I’m really glad you touched on this, since I’m a fellow Michigan to Florida gal. My MI friends pretty much all got married before me (I got married at 24), and one had a baby a couple years ago and another is due shortly. My friends in Florida, though, have either waited until they were older to get married.

   My husband and I aren’t looking at having kids for a couple more years — I’m holding off until 30. We’re just not ready. But, I think when more of my friends nearby have them, we’ll probably be more likely to follow suit. Right now, the friends we have with children live far away, and it all just sounds so HAAAARD. But, if I had fellow mommy friends, maybe it would be better because I’d have someone to commiserate with.

   Comment by Kristen — November 21, 2008 @ 2:20 pm

2. 

   Ooh! OOh! Great topic… and one that I'm particularly sensitive about.

   Most of my friends in Mexico waited longer than me to get married but mainly because people my age are less economically independent than I was at 25 (the age I got hitched) and so waited till they had the financial means to set up house with a spouse. So most of them waited until they were 28 to 30 to tie the knot and are waiting a little longer to have kids (3 to 4 years in average).

   Now, our French friends are another story. Couples here are usually financially stable enough to get married by the time they finish school as they usually get a job quickly afterwards. However, the idea of getting married is to START A FAMILY so our friends here usually got married between the ages of 25 and 30 but had a kid in the 1 to 2 years after the wedding.

   Now, OUR case is a bit in between. We got married "young" (I was 25, hubby was 27) but that was almost 4 years ago and still no B word in our immediate future. This has both our Mexican and our French friends & family sort of puzzled, even if for different reasons… and we like it that way. LOL

   Fned.

   Comment by Fned — November 21, 2008 @ 3:31 pm

3. 

   Tonight, my oldest son will be celebrating his 13th birthday. My wife and I were married 10 years ago in Chile at the ages of 23.
   If your doing your math correctly you’ll see I was lucky enough to be married with an insta-family. It was hard at first, as it
   felt like I was always in competition for attention, but my son eventually grew up and needed less of it. In fact he’s
   well on his way to being a moody teenage.

   Today, in addition to my oldest son, I have an 8 year old son and 2 daughters ages 3 and 3 months. I still don’t get much attention, but I have a great family and I wouldn’t change a moment of the last 10 years.

   Comment by Vinko — November 21, 2008 @ 4:17 pm

4. 

   San Francisco has an expected delayed marriage trend… Of the friends who I grew up with (varying socio-economic backgrounds but predominately white) I’ve had five couples marry in their mid-late 20’s; three couples wed for purposes of international living or traveling and one for reasons unexplained… Of that group one couple has spawned after being married for several years… There’s one couple currently engaged but no one from my circle has spawned before marriage…

   Of my imported friends I know one couple in their late 20’s who married to keep the INS off but they’re sticking with it… I’ve also had a couple friends marry in their early-mid 30’s who have both spawned their first (and probably only) kids within a year of being wed…

   Contrast this with my highschool where there were many babies born to almost exclusively lower socio-economic girls, predominately immigrants or first generation Hispanic/Latino… Haven’t kept up with their lives so I can’t say if they’re married or what…

   Comment by blaark — November 21, 2008 @ 4:52 pm

5. 

   I rather like Tampa.

   Comment by Carlos — November 21, 2008 @ 6:53 pm

6. 

   Ha ha thanks for the shout out I guess we didn’t follow the Michigan trend… Troy grew up in Boston and it was crazy to his friends when we got married “young,” and then when we had a planned baby 18 months after thought, they thought we were insane! None of his high school friends are even thinking about marriage and babies would be years after that step…

   Comment by Lindsey — November 21, 2008 @ 8:50 pm

7. 

   I’m not sure what the norm in Texas seems to be as I’ve only been here 5 years….

   In Spain, it was a matter of economics. Adults lived with their parents until they could afford to have a place of their own which meant…they could afford to get married and have a place of their own.

   In Indonesia, couples got engaged when they could afford the engagement party, and then got married as soon as possible because women had babies quite soon after marriage.

   But really, I don’t think there’s any “norm”. I’m thinking of people I know and what they did.

   In Malaysia, a friend of mine waited until his career was established and then married the “right” girl whose connections would help further his career….titled, etc…

   Another friend got married as soon as she could afford the grand wedding and she organised it with military efficiency…

   In Louisiana, I worked with economically disadvantaged girls through a national organisation for advancing women’s education…and regretfully the norm THERE – even in New Orleans was for teenaged girls from poor areas to get pregnant…several times over (2 or 3 babies) BEFORE they graduated from highschool and many never did…the fathers of babies didn’t marry them.

   But again this was a very specific pattern and because it was the most common thing happening, it tended to repeat itself….i.e. by example…

   Comment by Leilani — November 22, 2008 @ 8:16 am

8. 

   Hi…u have great posts here. anyway,care 2 xchange link with my
   North Sulawesi blog?I’ve added ur link in my blog.

   Comment by Ivana — November 22, 2008 @ 9:18 am

9. 

   hahah I love your use of the word spermination!! I am from MN, not too far from Michigan, and I graduated in 2006, of my class of 107 at least 10 have kids, and 25 or so are married or engaged. In MN there isn’t really a norm as far having babies, most of the people I graduated with that do have kids already weren’t married when they had them and a lot of them are waiting to have kids until they are older. As far as Ro and I go, we are kind of pressured into having kids by his mother, and she wants us to have the kids here in Chile which is something that I don’t want at all. For me I think I would like to wait at least 2 years from now before I start thinking about babies!

   Comment by Shannon — November 22, 2008 @ 11:28 am

10. 

    Boston is pretty established as a late-marrying city. There are a couple of things involved. One huge thing is that due to our number of universities, a large percentage of the pop. there is pursuing a masters or a PhD or some other higher degree,and as such start their full careers later, and their families. Another is that the city is pretty liberal (just a tad, ya know) and that tends to be linked to later marriages. At home, I’m starting to see the engaged announcements popping up on facebook, which puts the youngest age at around 25-26….which is still an age that there would be considered “marrying young.”

    As for me, well, I’ve lived in so many places that I think the issues beyond locale….at this point the problem’s more that I can’t stay in one place long enough to even think about exchanging rings!

    Comment by Meredith — November 22, 2008 @ 2:28 pm

11. 

    Let’s see in Minnesota many of my high school friends are already married and have several kids. Most of those ones did not go to college, but some did.

    Comment by Sara — November 23, 2008 @ 7:25 pm

12. 

    Here in Southern Sudan, even though there are many different tribes, marriage customs are very similar. Generally men get married when they can afford to buy enough cows to give to the bride’s family – a reverse dowry of sorts – which means they are usually in their late 20’s when they marry for the first time. Men can have anywhere from 1 to 4 wives, although I’ve met men that have up to 8. Whole families help the man out (uncles, father, grandfather, etc) with the cows numbering anywhere from 20 to 150 which can range depending on the wealth of the family. They cost anywhere from $500 to $1,000 a piece depending on the size. The man pays for the wedding celebrations too. Women (often girls really) are anywhere from 15-22 when they get married, even if they are educated in other East African countries. Babies come immediately after marriage, and men can even return a woman to her family if she is unable to have children. Although I know women that have asked their husbands to get a co-wife so they can share the burden with chores and raising children.

    If it seems to you that women here are treated as commodities to be bought and sold, you’re not the only one, and it’s difficult to be here seeing it first hand as well.

    As far as me, I’m 25 and not married, although almost every single one of my close female friends from college (Missouri) are either engaged or married (not so for male friends, interestingly enough) Although the same is true for only 3 people from my high school class. The first ones started around 22 right after college, then there was a gap until now (26-27) when the floodgates are open. Everyone married for love (from what I can tell at least), and the decision was more based around when people finished school (many have advanced degrees) rather than anything else. I do have a boyfriend, and we’re going to be together for a long time, but when/if we get married it will be based on the same criteria – when it fits in with school/jobs – rather than when we are financially stable enough or when we want to start having kids. He is Kenyan and 26, and although a few of his cousins his age are married, all of them became pregnant first and married as a result. None of his friends are married, and they’re often older than he is.

    Comment by Petunia — November 24, 2008 @ 7:23 am

13. 

    Hi! I’ve already been in Santiago and I loved it. I also visited Vinha del Mar and Valparaíso. Valparaíso was a surprise to me, specially Pablo Neruda’s house. Take care!

    Comment by Luciana — November 24, 2008 @ 8:06 am

14. 

    The Red States – get married at 19 so you can have sex guilt-free, have four kids, get divorced, get remarried.

    Comment by Maurey — November 24, 2008 @ 10:26 am

15. 

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    Comment by Lingerie — November 24, 2008 @ 10:32 am

16. 

    Hi, this is my first time posting here, but I’ve read your blog for a while now. =)
    I like the topic today. You are right saying that we get influenced by the place we grow up. In the north of Mexico people wait longer to get married that on the center or south. It might have something to do with what Maury said… guilt free sex, hahaha.
    I got married at 27, and was the first one of my friends.Not (only)beacuse of sex, hahaha…

    Comment by batzk — November 24, 2008 @ 1:25 pm

17. 

    I got married at 24 after dating my husband for 7 years. I was one of the first ones among my friends, but many of them had the ‘it’s about time attitude’ since we dated so long. The majority of our relationship awas long distance with undergrad and grad school which amazed them too. However, now they are all having babies at about 28-30 and I am still waiting who knows how long.
    Oh, I am so tired of the ‘when are you going to have kids question’.

    I don’t really have a feel for how it is in Brazil. We have some friends around 25 who are married and some who are still living at home. I’m not sure what the norm really is. So far no one I’ve met around our age (30) has kids.

    Comment by Lori - Blondie in Brazil — November 24, 2008 @ 1:40 pm

18. 

    New comment: I just read the whole wedding story. What a great story!! You should think about polishing it up, adding photos, and selling it to a magazine. I think you could do well. It’s such a human side to something that’s become industrialized/plasticized. What new engagee wouldn’t want to know that you can have a beautiful wedding with no planning, empanadas, and no one to do the ritual?? Really, I loved it.

    Comment by Meredith — November 24, 2008 @ 4:43 pm

19. 

    Here (The Netherlands) it seems people marry pretty early but wait quite a few years before starting with kids.

    Comment by Rootless — December 17, 2008 @ 8:59 am

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