Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

January 9, 2009

Slowly but surely, I’m snapping out of my funk. It helps that I’m extremely busy these days, editing the last two weddings we shot on top of keeping up with my day job. I haven’t had so much time to think about where I am and where I want to be. Hopefully soon, those two thoughts will reconcile themselves.

Culture shock and reverse culture shock is totally normal. I fully realize this. In fact, I’ve been through it before. After studying abroad here for a year and a half, when I went back to University of Tampa to finish my degree, I experienced severe reverse culture shock. So much so, in fact, that I had to go see a shrink. I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere since I never felt fully accepted into Chilean culture. Yet, when I returned to the U.S., many old friendships had disintegrated, and I felt like I was going through freshman year all over again on campus, because everything felt so unfamiliar. I couldn’t remember social norms, or how to do simple things like interact with the bank teller in English or order a drink at the bar.

While I was in the U.S. this past December, that happened all over again. Greeting people was often awkward because I wanted to go in for the Chilean cheek kiss, forgetting U.S.Americans don’t do that. Or if they do, they may go in for the kiss on the other side, while me, doing things the Chilean way, always aims right.

In Chile, where cell phone minutes are absurdly expensive and precious, I have a shorthand with my friends down pat. We don’t greet each other, we don’t ask how the other person is doing, we just get the basic info. A typical conversation would go something like this,

“Where are you?”
“Metro Manuel Montt, south side.”
“Be there in 10.”

Well, in the U.S. while trying to make plans with a coworker whom I had never been before (a fellow blogger), I talked to her like that on the phone. As soon as I hung up, I got a sinking feeling in my stomach, realizing I had done something culturally wrong. I imagined Kristen thinking to herself, “What the fuck?!? What ever happened to small talk? That BITCH, now I definitely don’t want to meet her in person!”

Fortunately for me, she wasn’t put off by my complete and social awkwardness, nor by saying, “WEIRD, it’s so different here. In Chile they….” every five seconds. Kristen, sorry for being so incredibly annoying!

Please keep in mind that this was my first time back in a year and a half. I was awestruck by everything. At the amusement park we went to, Busch Gardens, home of Anheuser free beer and a lot of great roller coasters, both S. and I were dumbfounded by how neatly the gringos formed little lines for anything that more than one person needed to access. Nobody pushed, shoved or cut, even at the free beer part of the park! If that’s not law and order, I don’t know what is.

Including at the grocery store, I recall saying in a shocked manner, “Look at how efficient these cashiers are…and how NICE they are! I mean, that girl is seriously saying ‘How are you,’ to every person who comes through the line!”

When a random stranger at Starbucks in Tampa told me she loved my shoes, I almost peed myself! I can vividly recall telling a girl on the metro one time that I liked her top and asking her where she got it. She smiled uncomfortably and backed away slowly, all the while looking at me as if I were a homeless person with crazy eyes who had just offered to sell her baby.

To put it mildly, going back to the U.S. for three weeks, was a shocker. By the end of our trip, I was finally picking back up on my gringo social cues, rather than responding, “Ummm, uhhh, eeeeeeeeeer. Wait, WHAT did you just say to me?” when the cashier at the grocery store asked me how I was, I would calmly and confidently reply, “Fine thanks, how are you?” Victory!!!!!!!

And then we came back to Chile.

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11 Comments

Fortunately, I’m completely awkward on the phone anyway, so I didn’t even think twice about keeping the conversation short And honestly, it was really interesting to hear about the things that are so different in Chile. It was just great getting to hang out with you guys!

Comment by Kristen — January 9, 2009 @ 11:21 am

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haha, i love your anecdote about commenting on a chilean woman’s shoes. i once told this Chilean woman i liked her jacket and asked her where she got it and she and the friend she was with told me where and then immediately turned to talk about how weird that was…and they weren’t whispering!!

i’m glad you’re feeling better. saying goodbye to friends, family, and an efficient and friendly country is always hard. after a year and a half away, i don’t think any less than a month would be enough time to spend at home.

Comment by Isabel — January 9, 2009 @ 12:37 pm

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I laughed at your post becaue I’ve been back about three weeks right now and it feels still feels weird. For example, today I went to get a pedicure and for a second I thought my mom was going to lean in a kiss the lady who did our toes ont he cheek. When she didn’t, and it became apparent she had just lost her balane a bit, I remember thinking that was odd.

Comment by Sara — January 9, 2009 @ 1:03 pm

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OMG the lines thing! I’ve only been in Chile for 7 months and I am FOREVER being cut in front of here. I guess I still retain that good ol American sense of order. Line up people!

I’m headed back to LA next week and although I’m sure 7 months isn’t as bad as a year and a half, I’m sure it’ll be interesting.

Comment by tashia — January 9, 2009 @ 3:25 pm

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So interesting to read your experiences. I go through a bit of that even after 4 months away so I know it has to be so much worse after a year and half. Glad you settled in a bit by the end.
The efficiency of things like check out lines is always what I notice the most.

Comment by Lori — January 9, 2009 @ 4:03 pm

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Oh great post. Its interesting to see the culture thing reversed.

Comment by Christy — January 9, 2009 @ 7:26 pm

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I had to laugh at the being awestruck part… I’ve been here for 17 years and for a long time had only gone back for specifics (weddings, funerals, etc.) and these things don’t leave much time for thinking about other than the task at hand. A couple years ago I went back for the first time for a 3-week vacation and EVERYTHING amazed me! At one point a wooden screen door closed behind me with that old-time familiar twang of the spring and I pined “ahhh! a screen door! (we don’t have them here) and my friends rolled their eyes and pretty much said knock it off!

Comment by Margaret — January 10, 2009 @ 6:06 am

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Kristen, I’m so glad that you’re awkward on the phone too…although I didn’t notice, but maybe we canceled each other out

Isabel, isn’t that strange how they are so shocked if you compliment a Chilean woman on her clothes…they are probably just so hardened from all the shady guys on the streets always commenting on their appearance.

Sara, haha, oops! That’s really funny!

Tashia, you have to watch your back here! That innocent old lady at the supermarket will be cutthroat and jump in front of you in line if you’re not paying attention.

Lori, the efficiency thing is hard not to notice. The contrast is like night and day.

Christy, yeah, I always get culture or reverse culture shock no matter where I am!

Margaret, your anecdote, CRACKED me up!!!!!! I can so imagine someone who’s been here for so long saying that. And honestly, if I had seen a screen door on my time home I probably would have been just as amazed

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — January 10, 2009 @ 7:31 am

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It is so interesting to hear about your experiences..i cant wait to start traveling with the kids and i love hearing the issues that come up…

Comment by Gidget — January 11, 2009 @ 6:11 am

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I know exactly how you feel. Even though I’ve been back in Canada for 6 months I still find that I have awkward moments or I’m confused and in awe of things.

Living in another country certainly changes you, but I think in a good way.

Comment by My Way — January 12, 2009 @ 2:59 pm

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I loved this post. You sum up all the things I miss.

Comment by cavils in chile — January 21, 2009 @ 11:59 am

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