Kyle Hepp

February 2, 2009

Sometimes a song speaks to me. Leona Lewis’ Run (originally by Snow Patrol) moves me to tears every time I listen to it. I have it on repeat right now. I’m practically dehydrated from crying so much. Her voice is beautiful and the song is haunting.

My brother and I have a special relationship. We’re connected probably more than I’m connected to anyone else in this world. I don’t mean that we’re necessarily closer. In our day to day lives we have little contact. But, when he hurts I feel it as if it were my hurt too. And his happiness’ are mine as well. There have been times when I’ve suddenly had a nervous pit in my stomach, only to call my mom and find out something’s wrong. And when he’s at peace, I feel that, even ten gazillion miles away in Chile. Moving hasn’t changed that.

The chorus of Run reminds me of him. I know that this probably isn’t what the song is about, but that’s the best part about music — you can interpret it anyway you want to. If you’re at work and can’t watch the video here are the lyrics of the part that makes me think of my brother.

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you, dear

Louder, louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say

My brother is so special. It sounds corny to say that, but anyone who’s ever met him knows that’s true. I know he looks up to me for the conventional successes that I’ve had in my life. His own path has strayed pretty far off the beaten track and he seems to think that someone makes him less successful. But regardless of what he has or hasn’t accomplished, I truly wish I could be more like him.

He’s the most selfless person I’ve ever met. He would give anyone the shirt off his back if they needed it. He has always effortlessly and unconsciously reached out to those on the outskirts, the so-called outcasts of life — even in high school when it wasn’t cool to do so. If you’re talking to him, he listens, genuinely interested, not distracted and wanting to butt in with his own stories and problems the way most people do, myself included. His charisma is absolutely undeniable. Even at my wedding, where he did a toast in English and half the guests didn’t understand, he still brought the house down. When he’s happy he lights up a room completely.

I don’t know how else to describe him, except that he’s just good, down to his very core. Good, like nobody else I’ve ever met.

I know how he struggles. I know he thinks he’s not good enough. So I’ll say it again,

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice

I love him. I miss him so much. I just want life to lead him somewhere he can be happy. Light up, baby brother.