Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

March 23, 2009

This country is not for me.

As much as I love certain bits and pieces of it, aside from my husband, they are all superficial reasons and not enough to hold me. It’s the man I love who ties me here. I’m tied to him and through him, to Chile. I love that connection, but S. himself doesn’t feel a strong bind either. To him this place is like a family member. He knows he has to love it and so he does so, sometimes begrudgingly, sometimes not.

In the long term though, the reason is simple. Life in some other countries is easier. To a Chilean 30-40 hours a week is a part-time job. To someone in the U.S. that’s a full time employment, and many people earn much more salary-wise in the U.S. while working much less.

And thinking way long term, the best education that money can buy here leaves children completely isolated from the realities of the rest of their country. Time after time I run into cuicos who live up in La Dehesa, go to school in La Dehesa, have never been below Plaza Italia and generally have no clue about the living conditions of the rest of Chile. I wouldn’t want my children to have that mentality. But odds are, if they go to a cuico school and live in cuicolandia to be close to said colegio, they’ll be brushing up against it on a pretty regular basis.

Then there are the silly little things that rub me the wrong way. I’d like to be able to get a hair and when I ask for “layers” to not come out with a mullet instead. The “close families” that people from Latin America always brag about drive me nuts when they’d rather suffocate than turn their children independent. Culturally, I find most Chileans extremely hard to read, and have had little success in making friends with Chilean women. Of course, there’s the HUGE trust issue as well, which I have talked about on this blog a lot, but I would classify it as one of the defining characteristics of Chileans who live in Santiago. “Piropos,” aka catcalls, especially when they cause me to get in fights, make me want to claw my eyes out, as does public transportation using the metro. The difference between socioeconomic classes pains me and makes me uncomfortable. Women are exploited in the name of being a “promotora,” every day. And just the fact that Chileans put mayonnaise on everything and walk slower than snails is enough to push me over the edge if I’m already having a bad day.

Those reasons wouldn’t be enough to have me wanting to leave.

But, there are the reasons my perceptions have been shaped the way they have. Chile has given me reason after reason to hate it with the passion of a thousand burning suns. I don’t hate it because it also gave me S.

Today, I was talking with a friend and she said, “Maybe all those things that happened to you were lessons you needed to learn. If you had learned them in any other city you’d hate that place instead. But since they happened here, you’ll forever hold that against Santiago, regardless of it’s good or bad characteristics.” Wise words. Maybe I could have really loved it here long term. But I’ll never know because we can’t turn back the clock. And she’s right, I will forever hold these things, not necessarily against the city, but as a part of me. I can’t forget them. They’ve made me paranoid and that’s OK because it’s my mind’s way of protecting me, making sure I never get in such horrible situations again.

In my own way, I very much respect this country and appreciate it for what it is. But that’s not enough. Chile isn’t for me.

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23 Comments

I can only speak for myself, but many of the reasons you list for hating Chile are many of the reasons I gave for not falling in love with Argentina immediately–specifically Buenos Aires, as I’m sure many of your accusations are limited (for the most part) to Santiago. But in the end, you miss it. It wont be just Chile, as I traveled around Argentina, Uruguay, and a little of Chile (Puerto Natales), but spent 6 months studying abroad in Buenos Aires, and as long as it took me to learn to love it, I didn’t fully appreciate it until I had left. And now I would give anything to go back.

Living in South America taught me to appreciate so many blessings that we have here in the U.S. (namely, dog poop-free sidewalks!), but I would give up the good paying jobs for Argentina anytime. There’s something about the spirit of South American people that you won’t find anywhere else, and that alone is enough for me. Sure, the piropos are annoying, the subte could use some AC (I would even settle for fans!), the moneda situation in BsAs needs to be remedied, and women could certainly be a little nicer to the gringas. I could live with all that if it meant more time with the fabulous friends I made, the culture, the awesome over-night buses, and being surrounded by what I think is one of the most beautiful languages in the world. The countryside is what ultimately made me fall in love though, I have to admit.

Comment by Emily — March 23, 2009 @ 9:50 pm

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I asked for layers in B.A. “escalado” and got a mullet. Were you referring to me?!?

Como se dice “un bob”?

Comment by Still Life in South America — March 23, 2009 @ 10:04 pm

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I don’t think you’d learn those lessons in, say, AUSTIN.

I can’t wait to write my “Why I left and am not going back (knock on wood) entry.”

Sadly, I think that neither O. nor his brother will be returning, either, now that they have a taste of the “outside.”

Comment by Amanda — March 23, 2009 @ 10:28 pm

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I enjoyed reading this post and your last line takes the words right out of my mouth regarding Brazil. I realize our experiences are very different and we are in foreign countries for different reasons, but I really related to this.

I was hard on myself for a long time feeling I should love this place. I mean, I’m a world traveler, open to other cultures, I should love this. But the truth is Brazil is not for me. I’ve begun to accept that now and just take in the experience, but not really disappointed that it will be over soon. There will be things I miss, but not enough to make me stay here.

Comment by Lori - Blondie in Brazil — March 24, 2009 @ 5:10 am

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Emily were you there in BA for longer than 6 months? Because I feel like after 4 years of this place I’ve had more than enough. Being here long term is a lot different from when I was studying abroad.

Amanda, LOL, no! I had the same thing happen to me! I told a girl I wanted layers and she just kept asking if I wanted a short cut or a long cut over and over and again, like those were the only two options. Eventually I just said short, and I ended up with…a short mullet!

Amanda, yeah, those are mostly just really big city lessons to be learned I think.

Lori, I’m glad you’re now able to just take in the Brazil experience for what it is, and leave it at that…no pressure on yourself.

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — March 24, 2009 @ 7:47 am

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Kyle:

I will feel sad if you go of here, but I understand you can make your life as you want. I have some comments, however:

- Honestly in the past, I said myself “I hate Chile” (and I’m chilean), but now I think I hate Santiago really, because for me Santiago is an awful place to live. Have you ever thought maybe you could live in ViÃ±a del Mar? or maybe in the South of the country?)

- I think you could try to belong some social organisations, you could get great friends there (“Un techo para Chile”, for instance)

I’m agree with you about stupid differences among social classes, Those differences hurt me too. But I think in the past those differences were more manifest, I think there will be a change in the future, I don’t know when, unfortunately.

You told us many times that in Chile is really hard make friends (specially between women) But, if you wish, I can be your friend, maybe you can teach me to improve my very bad english (Okay, Okay, your husband will hate me if I’m going to be your friend ) ).

Anyway, you must be where you feel good. I lived in Spain but that place was not for me.

Comment by Psicometodos — March 24, 2009 @ 8:00 am

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Oh about “Layers” in Chile you must say “Escalonado”

Comment by Psicometodos — March 24, 2009 @ 8:01 am

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Kyle:

I read this in Youtube about enjoying life in Santiago. It was strange, because I would like to see the life like this girl, because you can understand “chilean language” I want to insert it without changes:

“Ahhhhhh no te puedo creer… yo voy a tomar helado al emporio la rosa, me compro discos, libros, accesorios, como en el Victorino, tomo cafÃ© en el AbarzÃºa, escucho Gepe, voy a ver zapatillas a la nike y ropa exclusiva.. AHHH y me paseo en bici por tooodo Lastarria… y Â¿sabÃ por quÃ©? POR QUE LO PASO INCREIBLE… igual que todos los hueones que hacemos lo mismo… Â¿pa quÃ© creÃ que es? Pa hacer la parÃ¡?? Debe ser triste no tener la sensibilidad para poder disfrutar de cosas sencillas “

Comment by Psicometodos — March 24, 2009 @ 8:32 am

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Psicometodos, I do completely enjoy a lot of the little things just like that girl. I’m really happy in my life here. But, I’d still rather live elsewhere, you know what I mean?

Living in regiones would be great, but honestly, there are not enough modern conveniences for me and I would want my kids to get a better education than what can be found outside Santiago. But you’re right, I’ve often written on this blog that the things I hate about Santiago could be applicable to a lot of big cities (although some things like the trust issue is definitely more Chilean than anything else).

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — March 24, 2009 @ 9:09 am

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This morning on my way to work I was making a list of things to add to the argument that we will move away from Chile and many things on my list are exactly what you wrote about–having to send your kids to cuicolandia schools just so they can have a decent education is by far not what I want for my future children, nor do I want them eating a ton of mayo or drinking pure Coca-Cola or “jugo” which is really just full of sugar and should NOT be called jugo at all. Eventually I plan on writing about all of these things, but I’m glad my reasons aren’t that far off base.

As far as Santiago is concerned, it is definitely not the place I choose to live, I HAVE to live here because it is near impossible to find a decent job anywhere else in this country. We’d be living in ViÃ±a if it were possible. I think Santiago adds to the aggrevation of wanting to leave Chile. If I were in ViÃ±a, I think I could stay there forever despite the bad haircuts and other little things that get on my nerves.

Anywho, just wanted to stop by and say HI. Great post, I definitely understand your point of view.

Comment by La ChilengÃ¼ita — March 24, 2009 @ 9:13 am

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very interesting post, particularly in light of the fact that you have lived here continuously and longer than the majority of our friends. That surely influences your viewpoint. I agree with a lot of the stuff…or shoudl i say, i understand what you mean. I do think, however, that we are all idealizing the US public education system…i mean, if you live in a wealthy community, your kids will go to that wealthy public school – i hate that the US public school system is tied into property tax. I went to a public highschool where kids drove land rovers. That said, i still think many of the schools here are less diverse BUT that probably has more to do with the fact that Chile itself is less diverse than the US. I’m very down of the US public education system so am just venting. Good post. Makes you think.

Comment by nyGRINGAinCHILE — March 24, 2009 @ 11:06 am

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Katina, I definitely agree with you about the U.S. education system. I don’t think it’s perfect by any means, and does have a lot of the same problems as Chile does. However, comparatively speaking, I do think it’s better, significantly.

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — March 24, 2009 @ 11:09 am

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I can totally identify with this post but of course, in reference to Cancun. It’s not so much Mexico and its shortcomings, but rather my desire for more I think. I think you feel the same way and it in no way means you hate Chile or don’t want to live there, just that you aspire for more. This is a very difficult conclusion to come to for a lot of expats, so kudos to you for speaking your mind about it.

Comment by My Way — March 24, 2009 @ 12:25 pm

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Ok, everyone, please just read My Way’s comment. That’s EXACTLY what I meant to say. Except much more eloquently.

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — March 24, 2009 @ 12:29 pm

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do u think that maybe it’s just a stage in your life? perhaps even if you were in the city of your dreams, you’d still be eager to get out simply to fulfill your urge of seeing the world. i find that even when i am in a place i love, i am always thinking about the next place, the next adventure. so while i’m sitting on a beach in jamaica, i’ll probably be dreaming of the mountains of tibet.

Comment by kumichan83 — March 24, 2009 @ 6:55 pm

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This country is not for me either! I have been living here for almost five years now. I am an astronomer working at the european southern observatory. Tonight is my last observing night and in May I am returning to Europe!

When I first came to Chile I was hoping to experience the real south america, and was somehow disappointed when I realised that Chile is not so different from some of the european countries. The huge gap between rich and poor people really bother me. Even at work, I find it weird that there are people cleaning everywhere all the time (even my coffee mug!), opening doors for me, etc. It is sad to see how some of these people are treated. I also would not like to have my children raised here.

I am moving to Ireland in May, to join my fiance and we are going to get married in August. Really big changes in my life! Can’t wait!! Hope you get to change your life too… in my country we say “para e’ morrer” which means to stop is to die.

Keep going and good luck!
Cheers,
Carla

Comment by carla — March 24, 2009 @ 9:14 pm

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I don’t really know where to ask this question, so I figured here is as good as any place: What do you and S intend to do with Papito while you travel around the world? Right now I’m suffering from a tremendous case of wanderlust and it is kind of conflicting with my desire to put down roots with Gustavo here in the States. I know we’ll probably end up here, but I have got the itch right now. We had been talking about getting a dog, though, which made me think about you and Papi.

Comment by tashia — March 24, 2009 @ 10:06 pm

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Honestly I feel sad, because any people who is reading these post now will think Chile is the worst place to live. Maybe you are right, maybe Chile is the worst place to live, but I would like listen a little bit of self criticism about this, because I can’t understand how is it possible that nobody wants live in Chile.

Sometimes Social Scientists has a name for this: Ethnocentrism, that is the tendency to look at the world primarily from the perspective of one’s own culture.

Indeed I think you are using subjectives reasons just for to justify the necessity to leave the country. For example: People here are saying they hate social class differences, but you can also see it in Europe… if you count inmigrants, unfortunately many “europeans” doesn’t take into account inmigrants as a part of european society, so simplifying the way are seeing their own societies.

In EEUU you can see exactly the same problems than you can see here, and I bet my hands that some of them you will never see it here, like Columbine’s episodes, or those horrible serial killers sometimes extolling by Mass Media. But I believe when a country has a lot of funny distractions and their governments can buy their consciences and wills using a lot of money, people has a tendency to think “hey, there are problems, but they are not so hard”. Europe is particularly cruel about it: in fact, they claim to be a more equal society, however they forget to say they made to dissapear systematically all little local cultures when these cultures are completely different to the dominant culture: in Spain, in Sweeden, in France, in Germany… centuries and centuries polishing the dominant culture, so now they haven’t many differences among them.

I feel sad, i think we are dirty, ugly, poors and vulgar, but we never killed fifty millions of persons in just one war, like in Europe, and we never went to invade other country, lying about the real purpose: taking possesion of their natural resources (oil mainly)

Comment by Psicometodos — March 24, 2009 @ 10:46 pm

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I feel sad, i think we are dirty, ugly, poors and vulgar, but we never killed fifty millions of persons in just one war, like in Europe, and we never went to invade other country, lying about the real purpose: taking possesion of their natural resources (oil mainly)

Wow. I don’t think you need to take it so much to heart. She just wants to try other things. I live in Los Angeles. A lot of people think its a great place, and in many ways it is. I’d kinda like to live somewhere else. That doesn’t mean I’m saying L.A. is the armpit of the world.

Comment by John Evo — March 24, 2009 @ 11:54 pm

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“Indeed I think you are using subjectives reasons just for to justify the necessity to leave the country.”

Psicometodos, I’m not justifying anything. The first and last things I say are “This country is not for me.”

Nowhere in the post does it say I think Chile is a bad place, nor does it say that I think Europe or the U.S. is perfect. You’re reading WAY too much into this.

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — March 25, 2009 @ 7:14 am

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I totally agree with you and My Way. I want more of things that aren’t available in Santiago (ni decir en regiones!). That doesn’t necessarily mean that Chile is wrong or bad, just that it’s not my style for the long term. Of course there are certain things that I think are objectively better in other places, but there are also things that are objectively better here and things that are just subjective (Psicometodos, listen up!). If anyone reads your blog and thinks Chile is a bad place, they aren’t paying attention. You often clearly state that Chile is fine, it’s just not for you – it’s the same as saying that you don’t like broccoli or you don’t like to wear high heels, that doesn’t make those things bad.

As far as other countries/governments hiding their problems with money…well it’s not that direct, but of course I’m willing to put up with one disadvantage if in return I make 3 times as much money at the same job in the US as I would in Chile. Our world works with money, it’s a factor that is important to a lot of people – especially those who need to plan international travel – and to recognize that makes you realistic, not shallow or materialistic.

Comment by Emily — March 25, 2009 @ 1:28 pm

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dude, they gave me a mullet! WTF!
granted, it was a chick mullet (long length) – but still a mullet! I told the dude who cut my hair “cut this, right here! cut it right now, or I’m going to go home and cut it myself!” and he said, “aw honey, we wouldn’t want you doing that” (or something in argentinian gay – I don’t really know the vosotros). Then I asked him “do you know the word MULLET? M-U-L-L-E-T?” blank stare. “Ok.. nevermind”.
SRSLY.
someone should start a “wtfchileanmullets” photo blog.

Comment by Miss Rye Bread — March 27, 2009 @ 1:31 pm

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I think that no matter where you are there you are.. in body, and in mind..
I don’t think is about the country but it’s about the relationship that we have with it..
who are you being in relationship to the chilean community or to the world??
may the hairsdresser is a reflection of you.. what do you two have in common..
find common ground then grow from that …
life is a journal and no matter where you are things do happen..

Comment by Isis — September 17, 2010 @ 12:06 am

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