Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

April 2, 2009

I don’t normally post this sort of thing, but since it’s a hilarious oversimplification of cultural differences and it made me laugh out loud, here goes nothing. My favorite description was of the Italians because I read a blog about a Gringa expat in Italy…and the description seems to pretty accurately sum up her life there.

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SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A WELSH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell them and buy seven sheep.

The one in the middle looks rather attractive!

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Alright, here’s my own on Chilean cows:

You have two cows.

To sell their milk first you tell people it’s European milk so they’ll pay fifteen times the price that they would if it were Chilean milk even though it’s the exact same thing.

Then you make people stand in one line where you give them a piece of paper saying they plan to buy the milk.

Next, you make them take that piece of paper to another line to pay for the milk. If they try to pay with a bill over $2,000 pesos they can buy no milk because the cashier doesn’t have any change. Let me mention there are 15 people in each line and 1 employee working in the line while 15 other employees stand around and pretend to file paperwork.

You then make the people stand in another line where they can pick up their milk with proof of payment.

Lastly, in a twenty minute process their milk is painstakingly gift-wrapped for them.

…Ok, I’m sure someone else can do better than that. What should the Chilean cow story be?

18 Comments

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18 Comments

My husband who lived in Chile said: “That sounds pretty good. The only thing I would change is that the line is in another building!”

Comment by Adina — April 2, 2009 @ 6:04 pm

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Haha, Adina, yeah, good call on that one

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — April 2, 2009 @ 6:43 pm

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When I started reading this I thought “wow, doesn’t she know this is a really old joke” but then when I read on I saw how embellished it was from the original. I laughed out loud too at the Italian part. Is it because we are related that we think the same things are funny?

Comment by Rita — April 2, 2009 @ 6:58 pm

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FUNNY!!! The gift wrapping part is sooooo true. A few weeks ago we were there buying a present for a new baby. The box was rather large and I swear it took like 15 minutes (no exaggeration) for the chick to wrap the gift. About 7 minutes into it I couldn’t help myself and tried to take over but she wouldn’t have it…I had to walk away and look at things while Seabass waited there for her to finish. Did I mention I have no patience?

Comment by Cincinnati Chile — April 2, 2009 @ 7:04 pm

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(i laughed so hard at the harmonica thing, then the italian one)

anyway your last part reminded me that yesterday i entered a panaderia to buy a mini lemon pie, like usual. i finally had to shout “hi. i’m here to buy something!” before they helped me, as if i were standing at the cash register for a few minutes to later say “no just looking”. then, they tried to give me the gringa price even though the darn things were marked with a little sign, they do this to me nearly everyday despite the fact they should by now recognize me.

you forget to mention how you have to take a number to get in the first line and many people cut in front hahah.

Comment by lydia — April 2, 2009 @ 7:06 pm

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hahaha! Hilarious!!! The Chilean one fits pretty good.

Comment by Shannon — April 2, 2009 @ 7:07 pm

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I LOVED the Italian one. I laughed really hard and read them aloud to Oscar. You should mention that the milk is filled with preservatives and boxed so that it will last for 1000 years, just in case another Allende takes over and it’s rationed off again.

Comment by Amanda — April 2, 2009 @ 7:14 pm

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Love it. The Chilean milk, of course, would come at room temperature in bags and have a shelf life of 15 years.

Comment by Leigh — April 2, 2009 @ 7:28 pm

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oh man still chuckling to myself. that was hysterical. right on point with the chilean one.

Comment by Emita — April 2, 2009 @ 7:57 pm

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Having grown up on a dairy farm, I’ve read this joke a few times, but the at the end were some good ones I haven’t read before. While I was reading I was like, I hope she does a Chilean one at the end!! And you did, and it was great

Comment by Abby — April 2, 2009 @ 8:01 pm

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This was hilarious!! I’ve seen the joke before, but not with all the country ones. I think your take on Chile is DEAD on!! Although I would just add that if a foreigner is in line, Chileans WILL cut in front of them/form a clusterf*** instead of a a line.

Comment by Emily — April 2, 2009 @ 9:10 pm

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You forgot about the trailer trash from the US trading the milk for beer. That’s provided they can make it through the door.

Comment by Anonymous — April 3, 2009 @ 6:46 am

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The italian and japanese parts are high-larious. Your Chilean addition was pretty on-point too, especially the part about 15 people standing around pretending to be busy while 1 person actually works!

Comment by RenÃ©e — April 3, 2009 @ 7:30 am

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Argentine Cows.

You treat them very nicely and then turn on them for no reason. Everybody including the cows goes to therapy.

Comment by Anonymous — April 3, 2009 @ 1:22 pm

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Don’t forget how the Chilean Corporation waters its sidewalks to make sure no one steals the cows.

Comment by Elliot Rosenberg — April 5, 2009 @ 4:28 pm

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I think the Chilean version needs more details.

- Besides saying that is European milk, they also say that milk will make you a V.I.P., with a lot of style and with your own identity (and of course that it’s exclusive, even if 99% of Chileans is having the same milk).

- Cows owner that told it’s European milk so you pay 15 times the original price (cows owner), is on TV with an speech against capitalism and businesses (and yes, he is a politician and he was Agriculture Minister (no matter he’s an artist of a personal trainer) when they decided milk should rise prices).

- Finally, after all the odyssey, you arrive at your house and realise that the milk is rancid and…. wait, it’s not cow milk, but goats!

Comment by Ã¡lvaro — April 16, 2009 @ 4:39 pm

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Alvaro, “(and of course that it’s exclusive, even if 99% of Chileans is having the same milk). ” LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Mamacita Chilena — April 16, 2009 @ 4:41 pm

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the worse thing is that, really, people feels exclusive
greets.

Comment by Ã¡lvaro — April 16, 2009 @ 11:17 pm

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