June 28, 2009
I don’t know if anyone’s caught on to the theme of the title of all my non-photography related posts lately. If you know me it’s pretty easy to guess.
I know I’ve been sort of MIA with the blog, but honestly, I’m dealing with a lot lately. Physically, I’m a lot better. I haven’t died in three whole weeks. That’s definitely record-breaking for this month. It’s been exactly four weeks to the day that I got ran over and I’m still really gimpy. At least I can walk, but my left leg still doesn’t really bend which makes getting in and out of cars and going up and down stairs quite a challenge. I thought I’d be better by now. Honestly, I expected to have started jogging again by now. I guess I’m not as Superwoman as I thought.
However, aside from the physical stuff, I think mentally I just started dealing with all this. After the accident, first I was in shock (when I wrote that first blog post from the hospital with more smiley faces than have EVER been on this blog before), and then I just wanted to forget it ever happened and move on. I was sort of in denial that my life would have to change at all. I’ve been through a lot of strong emotions in the past couple days.
Since I only have a clear memory up until a certain point, looking back on it is almost like looking at it from a third person point of view. I feel so sorry for that poor girl who was out for a jog and got hit, by a truck, not a car, like I had originally thought, flew 30 meters (according to the police report) from where she got struck. Then thinking of me being unconcious on the road as other cars drive past just gives me the shudders. And I just want to cry when I imagine myself before S. got to the hospital, in shock, incoherently speaking in English with no one understanding me, alone, in the hallway of a public hospital bleeding with no doctor attending, no one fending for me, no one caring whether or not I was treated and safe, crying out over and over, “I huuuuuurt, I huuuurt. I want my mom. I waaaant myyyyy moooooom.” I mean, I don’t remember feeling terrified and very alone, but I’m sure I did.
Then I had to go and testify at the court. I’m not suing or anything like that. The family has already said that their son’s insurance will cover all out of pocket medical expenses that we had to pay — which isn’t really that much after our insurance has paid for their part. But, we still haven’t even recieved the bill from the hospital yet. And I also asked them to pay for the cost of a new iTouch since mine was crushed in the accident and they agreed. I just don’t feel like suing is the right thing to do. If he’s a person with a concious he’ll think about the fact that he almost killed someone every single day of his life. I know what it’s like to feel guilty for something, although not even close to the same level as he must feel for hitting me. And I think that feeling guilty is punishment enough. As long as the costs I incurred are covered I don’t really feel like I deserve money just because someone made a mistake.
Anyway, the Chilean court automatically starts a case so if you do want to take it to court they already have statements from both sides. So I had to go talk to a lady at the court and give her my side of the story. I was actually shocked because the guy said he had a green light and I’m positive he had a red because I remember up until that point seeing the crosswalk light green for me. But, I suppose he just wanted to protect himself in case I had decided to sue him or something like that.
So while I was there, I got to see the photos that the guy had brought in of his truck. I was surprised because it was a big truck. I hadn’t previously known that. Then when I saw the dent that I left it just brought me back to that moment of waking up in the hospital when everything hurt. My teeth hurt so bad I couldn’t chew, every inch of my body was bruised so there was no way to sleep comfortably or move without being in awful pain. I won’t go into detail about how bad I hurt since I’ve already written lots of posts about it and you’ve seen photos but the memories just came flooding back.
And I felt angry for the first time, seeing that truck, how big it is and thinking of it hitting a fragile human being and hurling her through the air. Because in comparison with vehicles, humans are shocking fragile — guess I had to learn that the hard way.
But, the anger has only been momentary. I’ve also been going through a lot of, “Why did this happen to me and why am I still alive?” I think I’m still alive because I still have a lot of good works to do on this earth. I want to start an education foundation in Chile and fund lots of people going to college, I want to be a philanthropist like Bill Gates, there are a lot more people I want to make happy by photographing their weddings. Of course there are things I want to do for selfish reasons too — travel the world, become a famous wedding photographer and do a celeb wedding, buy a pair of peep toe Christian Louboutin heels, grow old with S., read every book in Barnes and Noble — the possibilities are endless but they’re all things that make me happy. I know it sounds a little kooky, but I’m convinced that I’m still alive because I’m going to do lots of good things for other people.
And while I have no answer for why I got hit. I’ve always been agnostic — I believe in a higher power but no one specific god. This accident has me no more or less clear on things. I also believe in karma, but then I have to wonder — did I do something really horrible to deserve getting hit by a car or did I do something really good to deserve living? Can anyone really do anything to deserve those kinds of things? I don’t think so, yet for some reason I still strongly believe in the power of karma. And I mean strongly. Of course Brazil came back from being down 2-0 to the U.S.A. in the Confederations Cup final game to win 3-2 — they had scored a second goal that wasn’t counted. The ball went all the way in and the ref didn’t see it. So it was karma that they were able to get one more for the win that they deserved in the very last minutes of the game. I would’ve been shocked if that hadn’t happened.
I’ve said this to a couple people before but I don’t think I’ve said it on the blog before (and if I have, pardon me, my memory is still not 100%) — I either had a really bad month, getting hit by a car and then having my throat start swelling closed because of an allergic reaction to my bandages on the wounds. Or I’ve had a really fantastic month — I almost died twice and twice I survived. It all depends on how you look at it.
I also keep getting really freaked out when I think about how final death is. I am still totally missing from my memory almost the first 24 hours after getting hit, plus an entire three days or so after that are extremely fuzzy. The fact that I have no memory of the part where I actually got hit scared me so bad I started crying yesterday. I mean, if I had died, I would have never even realized. That sounds stupid. DUH obviously no one realizes that they’re dead but maybe people who have had scary experiences like this understand. Poof, I’d just be gone and I wouldn’t know it. Thinking about that makes me inconsolably sad. I wouldn’t have been able to say my goodbyes. I wouldn’t have been able to make sure I left the mark on the people I love that I want to make.
I’m not trying to open a can of words by talking about my personal beliefs. The accident hasn’t left me searching for religion or anything like that. I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel or anything crazy. Really, I’m just thinking out loud on the blog. I want to write about something else other than the accident, I swear, but that’s all that’s on my mind these days. Plus, tomorrow we’re meeting up with the kid who hit me and his parents because they’ve been wanting to get together for a while now. So I’ve been thinking about what I want to say…I got nothin’. I don’t really harbor any resentment towards the kid, nor am I angry at him, nor am I particularly sad at the turns my life has taken, including the turns it’s taken because of the accident. I guess to me the whole thing is a very abstract concept since I don’t rememeber. Getting hit isn’t real. I can’t even imagine me getting run over. It’s just not real. Recovering from the accident, now that is real.
Sorry, this is really getting babble-y now. By tomorrow I’m going to try to have Sebastian and Diana’s beautiful wedding to post. Because as a friend said after the accident, “Your blog is so intense.” Hopefully pretty wedding pictures will lighten the mood. 
June 23, 2009
YEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!!!!!
It felt SO good to get back into the swing of things. This was the perfect couple for my first session since the accident. Diana and Sebastian are just incredibly sweet and laid-back. They didn’t seem to mind waiting on me and my hobble.
It’s funny, I was telling Diana, some of the couples I get are really natural in front of the camera and totally pose and work it. And then there are people (myself included) who stiffen up because they have no clue what to do with themselves. Diana and Sebastian were actually neither of these things…they were in their own little world the whole time. Sometimes I wondered if they even remembered they had us following them around paparazzi style. It was really cute to see how absorbed into each other they would both get. They seem to have a very powerful quiet love.
And I am so looking forward to their wedding…in just a week, AH! They are getting married in a killer location (you’ll see it next week when I post photos, I don’t want to ruin the surprise) and after getting to know them both a little bit last weekend I can’t wait to spend the big day with them!
Unfortunately for our session it was FREEZING out. But, lucky for us it finally stopped raining and the sun even peaked through for a little bit of golden light once or twice.
With all the rain though, Cerro San Cristobal was insanely lush and beautiful. It really didn’t look like the middle of winter!
Diana has awesome green-blue eyes, they’re just gorgeous! And Sebastian has crazy pale blue eyes! They actually reminded me of my friend Aimee‘s eyes, that ice blue color is nuts…
It was a cloudy day so we didn’t get a great view of the Andes but we could still see out on Santiago for quite a ways — smog-free, how nice!
One 580ex II directly behind them for those of you who like to know about lighting set ups.
Same thing just off to the left…flash directly into the camera. I am such a junky for flare that when there’s not any sun I’ll just make my own
And then these last three are my very favorites! As Diana said, good thing she’s not the kind of girl who has to wear heels all the time…because I made them hike down into the leaves and the mud so we could get these shots. Sorry guys! But, worth it, right???
Adore.
Photographers, keep reading for post-processing info.
And I wanted to answer a couple questions that I’ve gotten about the way I process my photos. The most vital part about the look that the pictures have is the conversion into LAB mode like I talked about in a tutorial on my old blog. Then I own the Totally Rad Actions (TRA 1 and The Revenge), Jesh de Rox Enlighten Experimential Actions and Lara Jade’s actions.
One of the recipes I did for TRA is featured on their website, you can see it here. My general processing method is to run the LAB conversion before anything else. Then I have my own actions which use Selective Colors, Saturation and Levels in Photoshop to tone the blacks and neutrals to be a little purple-ish. I like to use those steps to give every photo a slightly warmer hue before I keep going. Sometimes I like the way an image looks as is after those first two steps (like the last three photos of this set) and other times I keep going and use “recipes” created using various actions from both TRA and Enlighten sets. I would say I use TRA The Revenge slightly more than the first TRA but they’re both well worth the investment, as is Enlighten. The Lara Jade actions are not good at all and I really wouldn’t recommend them. They were a big waste of money for me. And actually she may not even be selling them anymore because the link to her website isn’t working anymore.
So there you have it, those are some of my post-processing “secrets.” If you have a specific question, ask away and I will try to answer it. I am happy to tell you the steps that I took, or if I just used and action or what. But telling the look you are trying to achieve from a specific photo really helps, because people sometimes say, “I love your photos, what do you in post-processing?” And truth be told, I do a lot of different things depending on the picture. I spend a ton of time in Photoshop, it’s one of my favorite parts of the whole process.
Hope that helps!
June 21, 2009
For Izzy’s little senior portrait session we just decided to walk around her (extremely pretty) neighborhood and see what we found. Afterward she was really surprised at how many cool places there were that she had never noticed before. I think that’s one of the things that I love most about photography — always keeping my eyes open for beauty that I would have never normally seen.
We did the shoot before my accident, so poor Izzy has been waiting quite a while for these pictures! So here they finally are! Thanks for being such a beautiful model, hope you love them! With no further ado…the photos…
We started finding photo inspiration before we even walked out the door of her house!
Love this crazy grafitti wall that Izzy took us too!
LOVE this shot!
I really like this one even though it’s not a typical senior portrait photography smile-for-the-camera shot.
Oh my goodness, FAVORITE. My addiction to flare cannot be stopped.
This one is my other favorite, it rocks my world…the weird angle, the cool colors, the nice light, the bokeh, Izzy’s expression — I love when everything comes together like that for one of those Zen photos
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