Kyle Hepp

July 14, 2009

“Does anyone have problems?”

One of my favorite bloggers is Zack Arias. He’s a photographer, not wedding specific, but a lighting GENIUS. However, that’s not why I love him. He has a way with words, a way of speaking that often strikes a chord with me (and bajillions of other people working in the photography/creative industries).

Zack recently did an interview where he talks about several topics — one being how hard most photographers are on themselves. My favorite quote was,

“I’m not hitting a glass ceiling right now. I’m hitting like a galvanized steel ceiling.”

I can relate.

And the second topic he mentioned, the one I’m going to get into a little bit here, is the cult of personality in the photography industry. As he mentions, it has become an industry trend for photographers to have blogs where all they write about is how awesome all their weddings are, LIKE OMG, Susie and Johnny had the BEST WEDDING EVER and they are SO IN LOVE and I LOVE THEM,” and how awesome their lives as photographers are, “Because, everything in my life is so PERFECT AND INSPIRING.”

At one point in the podcast Zack asks,

“Does anyone have problems?”

He says that photographers talk like this because they feel that in order to get any work they have to live up to a larger than life persona. They have to make it sound like they are super successful, living the good life. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of the same, although I have made a conscious effort to shy away from the over-excited, total flattery posts about clients because it’s b.s. and I’m sure they can see right through it.

So in forums when I told people that I was combining my personal blog and my photography blog, the overwhelming response I got was, “No,” and, “NOOOOOOO.” I was warned that people would be “turned off,” by the mundane nuances of my life. Forum friends said that I shouldn’t do that because potential clients would realize I wasn’t a full time photographer. Or that potential clients wouldn’t hire me if I wrote about struggles or bad times. I mean, it’s true, I am a wedding photographer living in Chile who doesn’t necessarily love living in Chile and is totally honest about that.  But, I went ahead and combined both blogs anyway. Why? Haha, would you be shocked if I only did it because I’m too lazy/busy to keep up both?

I  still haven’t changed the way I write, though. I’m always truthful about how I feel or what I’m going through. Maybe I’ve lost potential clients. I don’t know. Nobody has contacted me to say, “I was going to hire you to photograph my wedding, but I hate your stupid blog and the mean things you say about Chile so I’m going to hire somebody else instead!” The blog may actually be a good way to filter out clients that wouldn’t be a good fit for me because if they’re reading and they don’t like it, they definitely wouldn’t like me. And if I don’t mesh with clients, I just recommend them to another photographer anyway. Then, on the other side of the coin, several blog readers have hired me to photograph them or have recommended me to friends and family. So I’m not too worried about it.

Anyway, going back to the, “Does anyone have problems?” theme — would it be tempting to try and make it look like I am DOMINATING FOTOGRAFIA DE MATRIMONIOS IN CHILE and then next up WORLD DOMINATION?!? Yeah…a little

However, I still believe people like honesty better than fake positivity, so I’m going to continue to be real here.

In the spirit of total disclosure I’m going to admit something. I have yet to make a dime from my photography business! Sure, my clients pay me. But every single penny peso I’ve ever made has gone into buying equipment + expenses, to the tune of about 15k this year alone. While it’s tempting to work with mediocre equipment and actually earn a profit, there are a few things wrong with that strategy: One, it’s not fair to my clients. And two, I don’t like to stay stagnant and there are definitely times when you reach the end of the rope with a certain camera or piece of equipment.

So when I say that we just spent 6k on another super camera + a few lenses, some more lighting equipment, a computer that’s actually capable of handling my editing needs and a few boring but basic photography necessities, you better believe I AM FREAKING OUT. As of right now the business is 5k in debt, AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! That’s my confession of how my life as a photographer is not all roses. I have never had any bridezillas and I can say that I have geniunely liked every couple I’ve ever worked with.  I’m fortune to have been to able to travel a little bit with this job and I do have more cool trips coming up. But, the reality is that being in debt severely stresses me out. Well, really it’s not even debt, because I just owe that money to myself, since we paid for the new gear with our own money rather than putting it on a credit card. Fortunately by the end of the year with the clients already booked, my spreadsheets show that I’ll end up with a whopping $45 dollars in my pocket. It’s not much but at least I won’t be in the hole anymore. I can’t help but shudder anyway though when I look at my Photography Finance spreadsheet and see that I’m in the red.

That’s my confession. I just put major money in my business and which is really exciting, yet at the same time terrifying. What if I fail? What if my business dead ends after this and a few years down the road I realize I blew thousands and thousands of dollars for nothing? Then again, who knows. Maybe someday I’ll be photographing Brangelina’s wedding and giggling when I think about how a meager 5k purchase worth of equipment used to freak me out. It’s all about perspective.

Hopefully I didn’t scare any potential clients off. If I did, I’m not sorry. As a videographer I once worked with said, near tears, after the bride and groom hadn’ t fed us, “Videographers and photographers need to eat too — we’re ONLY HUMAN.”  I’m definitely human. And I’m pretty sure being afraid of failure is normal. But, that fear (amongst other things) helps drive me to succeed. Do I need to buy a lens that’s extremely expensive and not widely used in Chile? No. Is there a chance that people won’t like the style of photos that I take with that lens? Yes. Is there also the chance that this purchase will help me continue to set myself apart and offer myself and something unique in this country? I hope so!!!