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Belonging

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October 29, 2009

I normally start out a blog post with client photos, talking about the client. In this case, forgive me, I’m going to talk about myself for a minute.

Living in Chile has not been, at any point, easy for me. I was assaulted on my fifth day here. I have been run over by a car. I still deal with being different, with having people stare at me, assume I’m a tourist. It used to get me down.

When we went to Europe, I definitely realized, hey, Chile’s not that bad after all!

But something else has made me feel so much better about being in Chile. I can’t say happier, because I’ve always been happy here — even when things were hard. But I’ve always felt a kind of anxiety, wondering why I wasn’t accepted, wondering if I’m in the right place. I don’t wonder anymore. I know.

With my photography business, I feel like I’ve finally found my spot in Chilean society.

My clients, wonderful people like Seba and Meme, don’t judge me for my gringa-ness. They don’t resent me for it or for being here. In fact, I’d even say me being different is even a big draw for them. I’m completely NOT used to that being a plus.

Chilean society is a closed one — because of the dictatorship, because of the distrust amongst the people, because of the geographic isolation, because of a million different reasons, but closed it is.

Being a photographer, especially a wedding photographer, has opened things up for me.

Seba and Meme searched long and hard for a photographer. They met with me but they had meetings with other photographers before and after. In the end they wrote me an email saying that they were going with their instincts and their instincts led them to me, that they trusted me and liked the way the three of us got along. That made me feel so very good. They could’ve said, we’ve seen a million other photographers and their work isn’t as pretty as yours, and I don’t think I would’ve felt nearly as thrilled.

Because that’s all I’ve ever wanted here in Chile – people who meet me and give me a chance, not write me off because I’m a gringa, but to go with their instincts.

Seba and Meme immediately opened the doors to their life and for that I am incredibly grateful. We’ve met up various times outside the realm of photography. We talk about anything and everything, I love hearing about their wedding plans and beyond. They followed our trip as I posted pictures, and we discuss traveling and seeing the world. We have fun together, not as Gringa-Chilean-Chilean-Chilean (I’m including my Seba in this equation as well) but simply as person-person-person-person. It’s nice. It’s something I’ve only experienced with two other Chileans here before, and that’s counting Seba.
I do have other Chilean friends. They’ve all been people that I’ve met through other people, or they’re my husband’s friends. But, it’s never been so easy with them. I always feel like I have to work my hardest, be on my best behavior, smile a little extra, just to win them over. In the U.S. it was never like that — making friends came easy. I’ve also realized that for me permanent life in Chile was an extra challenge, since most gringas here have the added network of being able to meet Chileans through work. That automatically gives you a common ground. I have that too now.

Because of Seba and Meme, and other clients like them that are so willing to get to know us, I love Chilean society a little bit more. It’s hard to get a foot in the door in this Chilean world, but once you’re in it’s a fun – crazy, but still fun — place to be.

  • Um, I'm sorry but how can ANY of your potential clients NOT go with you?? I've seen the other options in Chile and hello!!! BORESVILLE!!!
    I fall asleep looking at their portfolios... zzzzzzzzz

    You are the most lively, most unique and most forward photographer that I've found in Chile!! Of course you'll be accepted! You have a gift! Go you!
  • Carrie
    Heck yeah! This is so good to read. I remain jealous of the Chileans you hang out with, but I'm so glad that you're feeling accepted.
  • elizaclaire
    Kyle, although we've not met (*yet), you come across as an immensely likeable, fun and interesting person. I can't imagine anyone NOT getting on with you, so long as they give you a chance. And, quite frankly, if they don't give you a chance, then they're really not going to be people worth bothering with. The older I get (and I'm very old compared to you, and therefore wise) the more I realise that people will either like you or not, but you can't change their mind. The most important thing is to be happy with who you are, and I get the feeling that you really are content with who you are, and where you are in your life right now. That's going to be attractive to anyone!
  • I absolutely loved Meme and Seba's photos, awesome job. They looked so natural and at relaxed not to mention they're a great looking couple! Also well done on feeling a little more grounded here, I'm going through the same thing, I just feel a lot happier with my life in Chile lately and more at ease with myself, Chileans and Chilean life as a whole. There are ups and downs but I've come to accept the downs more than before and focus a little more steadfastly on the ups. I think the not so fun times here really helped me in the long run. Go Chile!!
  • maeskizzle
    Yeah, you've kind of nailed the key to making friends anywhere I think. It's best to be in a situation where you are with the same people repeatedly. I ended up making friends with people in my capoeira group and my housemates in Valpo, because I was in contact with my housemates daily for 9 months and have been in contact with my co-capoeiristas, weekly for 4 years. Especially in Santiago I feel like people don't give you the time of day unless they know you already, which sometimes makes it hard for a foreigner to make friends.
  • Decoybetty
    It's so important to feel like you belong and I am glad that you're finding that :)
  • Before now I've never spent any legitimate amount of time in a place where I looked different. That is, when I lived in Russia, I never felt like I didn't belong. Of course, I also knew the language, which is more than I can say for Spanish at this point...

    But what I've learned (in just over a month) is that you have to work a lot harder here to overcome the stereotypes that people assign to you just for having blond hair and blue eyes. For instance, today at the salon, the stylist was being kind of rude and dismissive but I kept smiling and making conversation anyway (mainly because I get bored just sitting there staring into a mirror) and she eventually came around. We cheek-kissed on the way out like friends. I don't know. I feel a sense of empowerment when I get the sense that maybe next time a gringa walks in she won't assume they're just some idiot not worth her time, but maybe someone who's a lot more like her than she thinks.

    Congrats on the business by the way! That's not easy to establish in your home country, let alone in another!
  • Claire
    Hi Kyle, I've been following your blog on and off since I came across it one day looking for websites about Chile. I really enjoy reading your posts, especially as I can usually relate very well to what you are saying! I am also a gringa (GB) married to a Chilean and we lived in Chile for the past few years. Right now we're living in the US, but we're moving back to Chile in about a year. Just wanted to say that I had exactly the same experience with making friends in Chile, and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one (thought maybe it was just me being weird ;-) It's hard to get past the "being different" thing and just having people accept you as a person rather than a gringa. And I HATE always being treated like a tourist, when all I want to do is buy a loaf of bread in peace...
    Anyway, just wanted to say Hi, I may start posting more comments (so I don't feel like a stalker, haha!). Keep up the writing, Claire
  • I think you would be an incredible asset for Chileans in regards to photography, because they probably take a lot of beautiful stuff in their country for granted. We're all culprits at becoming jaded with our surroundings. I know how difficult it is to assimilate yourself into a new culture and I applaud your bravery and courage. BRAVISIMA!!!
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