My Chaos

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October 14, 2009

We’re back. I am slowly making my way through the disasters that are both my inbox and my suitcases and my to-do list is a mile long. I am trying to get my life in order since the wedding season officially starts not this weekend but the next.

As for Chile, well the euphoria disappeared before I had even set foot in the country, At our gate in JFK airport in NYC, they announced that boarding was starting and there was a Chilean stampede to get on the plane. Complete with pushing, shoving and even name calling. I sort of rolled my eyes and sighed and Seba said, “I can’t believe you wrote that post yesterday.” HA. Neither can I. What can I say — I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with this country and I doubt that’s going to change now.

As Eliza wrote, “LOL you’re mad. I’m going to remind you of this post in 3 months time when you’re trying to jog in the smog, or when they cover your (cooked veg) salad in mayo, or when they make you wait in line for 8 hours for a bit of paper that tells you to come back tomorrow!”

It’s all a matter of perspective. Seba and I were talking about how he used to see Chile. He said he thought it was the greatest country in the world and that nowhere could possibly be better. And then he went to the U.S. and thought that Chile sucked ass and didn’t want to live here anymore. Now after Europe, like me, he’s realized, hey, Chile’s not so bad after all!

I was hoping that after this trip we’d have things clearer. We’d know where we want to live. We’d know what we’d have to do to get there. But no one city struck me as a place that I wanted to settle down in. Oslo was awesome, but during the winter there are days with only 3 hours of sunlight. Brussels was wonderful, but again, the cold weather. Same for NYC. I’m a baby, I can’t handle freezing temperatures!

I’m more than content with our life right here and right now. But, obviously like anybody does, I wonder and worry about the future sometimes. Was going full time with photography the right choice? If we decided to have kids, would this be a stable enough career? Will Seba always want to work in this or will he miss construction enough to go back? Should we establish ourselves here in Chile, or in the U.S. or is there somewhere else out there that’s right for us to live?

I have things no clearer than I did yesterday or even in July before we left. My brain is so muddled, I don’t even know what to blog about! Should I finish with the trip pictures/stories since we saw three more countries that I didn’t write about yet? Should I focus on photography now that we’re back and just start posting sessions and weddings all the time? Or should I go back to writing almost exclusively about Chile? I DON’T KNOOOOOOW!!!!

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26 Comments

  1. Ahhh, I wrote this post full of wisdom and my computer froze as I was about to send it! :(

    I was saying that I have been super busy lately and not able to read any of my favorite blogs, yours being one of them, so I was shocked to see that you're back in Chile. Welcome home!!!

    I think you need to give yourself a week or two to get over the jetlag and culture shock, before you start thinking about the big questions. Right now you're not able to to think clearly.

    And honestly, I'm not sure we ever *truly* know, you know? Haha! Life is simply about discovering and uncovering. Just take it a day at a time and make sure to follow your heart. :)

    Comment by GlobalButterfly — October 14, 2009 @ 10:14 am

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  2. A few thoughts… first of all this whole line up stampede that you speak of… is this a Chilean-American thing? Our flights from Toronto to Santiago were all very normal and have always been so, as I've been going back and forth since I was wee. Same here in Chile. Granted I have done everything possible to avoid Santiago at all costs :D The Valparaiso region seems to agree with us quite nicely, and always has throughout the years. Always hated Santiasco though.

    As for the settling down thing…. having lived on four different continents in myriad countries and cities, I can safely say what you already know: there will be issues with any place you choose to live. It's just takes time and the minutiae of the day to day for them to develop. Sure you can try to plan ahead for when you have children and whatnot, but sometimes the living gets lost in the planning, no? There are plenty of people out there who have children and move to another country later on. As for your career, you're clearly gifted and have already carved out a small niche for yourself… so if the wind's at your back, momentum shouldn't be an issue. And if your husband decides he misses something later on, where is the law that says he can't go back to it after a while? In my travels, I've met so many interesting people and worked for a few of them and the happiest ones were the ones that had very dynamic lives, full of opportunities and pursuits that they more often than not provided for themselves. You guys remind me of them.

    So my advice, unsolicited though it is, is to focus more on the living than the planning of it. The sad fact of the matter is that more often than not, plans rarely turn out exactly like you expect them too, particularly when children are involved. They're a whole different kind of wild card. These days, you couldn't pay me to raise a child in the US. I left last year after spending 3 in Chicago. Loved the city, hated the lack of accountability and sense of entitlement. I went home to Canada only to find that things weren't that different anymore and the my country needs to do more than just rest on it's laurels as the “nice” nation. And so I came home to the land of my birth. I can't say if we'll last. Some things I love, some things I don't. That's life, but it's a great experience and that beats a cubicle and a 9 to 5 job in a first world nation any day.

    Comment by The Lucky Gyspy — October 14, 2009 @ 11:06 am

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  3. I forgot to ask, regarding your blog… why not just add a second blog page to your site? One could be dedicated to your life in Chile and the other to your photography??

    Comment by The Lucky Gyspy — October 14, 2009 @ 11:10 am

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  4. Come to Austin! If you can handle the Texans, who, in many ways are like Chileans.

    Although, we probably won't be here… :(

    Comment by amanda — October 14, 2009 @ 11:58 am

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  5. You're young and unencumbered now – if you feel like you might have regrets about not exploring/lviing elsewhere later, now's the time to give it a shot. I know I wish I had!

    Comment by Helen — October 14, 2009 @ 12:12 pm

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  6. You're young and unencumbered now – if you feel like you might have regrets about not exploring/lviing elsewhere later, now's the time to give it a shot. I know I wish I had!

    Comment by Helen — October 14, 2009 @ 12:12 pm

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  7. Helen talks sense. As does GlobalButterfly when she says to just chill out and settle back into the routine.

    So you've seen Europe and you're not about to uproot and move here? OK, well, there's a whole world out there that you must visit. Australia, New Zealand (although I suspect the weather in NZ may put you off), Asia, Africa – there's so much more for you to visit.

    But for now, just concentrate on settling back into Chilean life, and enjoy your kick-ass wedding season! Oh, and please blog about Amsterdam & Belgium, I'm dying to see your photos and hear what you thought.

    Comment by elizaclaire — October 14, 2009 @ 1:10 pm

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  8. It's hard to believe that you're back in Chile already! What an amazing trip the two of you took. Even if it didn't bring you any closer to the answers you were seeking, I'm sure you made some amazing memories (and God knows you took some rockin' photos!).

    There's still time to see more of the world before you have to make any decisions. For now, enjoy the life that you have in Chile with Seba. Best of luck with the upcoming wedding season!

    Comment by Katie — October 14, 2009 @ 1:43 pm

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  9. I think you should write about moving back to Tampa because that's what I want you to DOOOOooooo… :)

    Comment by Joy — October 14, 2009 @ 2:56 pm

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  10. Kyle,
    After you rest a bit, your thoughts will be clearer! You and Seba have done so much and your work is so extremely good, you are very blessed! Oh, to have such travels….I love reading about your adventures. Glad you are back to your “adopted homeland” safe. Love, Aunt Judy

    Comment by judy hepp — October 14, 2009 @ 9:22 pm

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  11. P.S. I absolutely LOVE your home page photo of the clouds and the Statue of Liberty! LOVE IT!

    Comment by judy hepp — October 14, 2009 @ 9:27 pm

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  12. Hola Kyle! glad to hear you'd safely back in Santiago.
    Would you pls2 blog about the last 3 countries you went to? and put up the pictures of places you've visited? thanks dear!

    My advice : Take things easy, girl. I know you're such an excellent planner. But things might get overwhelmed sometimes and it's good to be able to refocus and enjoy (not only the planning/actual travelling) but also the aftermath – by blogging/editing/uploading the pics ;)

    Can't wait for you + Seba's next leg of this awesome RTW Trip!

    Take care!

    Shue
    KL

    Comment by shue — October 14, 2009 @ 9:39 pm

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  13. You are still full of wisdom! But I am definitely following my heart. And at least trying to take it one day at a time.

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 7:52 am

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  14. Thanks Lucky Gypsy. I am normally actually really good about living in the here and now and not focusing on the future and planning (maybe too good, some would say, hahaha!). After the trip it just made realize that the world is SO big and OMG how will we ever find a place that we want to live forever?

    But then I look at you and other people that I know, and see, oh wait, we don't have to find a place we want to stay forever. Being nomadic is awesome too.

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 7:54 am

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  15. For readers it's easier to have everything in one spot because I think *most* people like to read and follow photography although I'm sure there are those that only come to hear about life in Chile and those that would rather I didn't post about my life and only about photography, but oh well. Can't please everyone!

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 7:55 am

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  16. Hahaha, how are the Texans like the Chileans? They have the same flag? :P

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 7:55 am

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  17. Helen for me I think we are lucky enough right now to be able to both explore the world and start our own business. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else that I couldn't have my photography business and I've worked so hard to get it to this point that I can't imagine starting over somewhere else from square one. However, if the only option was to have a business here and not be able to travel a quarter of the year, that would be different.

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 7:57 am

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  18. I know, you're right, there's so much more to see!!! You're so very lucky to live in Europe where you're at a gateway to catch cheap (er than in Chile) flights to be able to go see places with your family!

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 7:58 am

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  19. I know Katie, I can barely believe it either. You're right, the memories are wonderful and for now that's way more than enough!

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 7:59 am

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  20. Haha, Joy maybe someday. It's still the only place I've ever lived that I've really felt in love with.

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 7:59 am

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  21. Thank you Aunt Judy! I love seeing your comments pop up in here!

    We missed you at Sandy Pines this time around but we'll most likely be back next year so hopefully we will see you then!

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 8:00 am

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  22. Thank you!!!!!

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 8:00 am

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  23. Thanks Shue! Hopefully on the next leg of our travels we'll be able to come visit you!!!

    I am totally reliving the whole experience going back through and editing more of the photos. You're right it's been fun to look back and reminisce. Landing in Geneva seems like it was ages ago already!

    Comment by kyleracine — October 15, 2009 @ 8:02 am

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  24. OMG welcome to my world (or me to yours) … I ask myself this stuff every day… minus the photography stuff bc I think I've personally taken ONE good picture my entire life.
    But here? There? Somewhere else? Will I have a job? Will I like my job? Will Gonzalo?
    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh – too much to think about.
    I totes get it.

    Comment by Andrea Gonzalez — October 15, 2009 @ 2:14 pm

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  25. Sydney is the best place I have ever been, hands down. I wish we weren't already moving back to Chile :(

    Comment by thornton12 — October 21, 2009 @ 5:35 am

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  26. Sydney is the best place I have ever been, hands down. I wish we weren't already moving back to Chile :(

    Comment by thornton12 — October 21, 2009 @ 12:35 pm

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