>

My Perspective

Read on

November 4, 2009

Don’t forget to take my survey and win a pretty picture! Thank you!

Yesterday I mozied on over to Providencia for a meeting with a prospective client — a fake Chilean Gringa, who brought along her mom.

This lovely lawyer, who you’ll be seeing on this blog in full blown wedding gear in December, because they’re hiring us (yay!) has lived in the U.S. her whole life. And her two Chilean parents have lived in the U.S. for 34 years now.

After we talked photography and wedding details, we talked life in Chile. The lovely lawyer’s mother had a lot of questions. She wanted to know everything that I loved and hated about living in Chile. And when I say she “wanted to know,” I don’t mean that she asked, “So how are you liking Chile?!?” and then waited for me to tell her how much I loved it and how great Chileans are, like most people do. She really wanted to know.

I enjoyed her questions because they made me think. When I’m not in Chile, what do I miss about being here? Not that much actually. When I’m in Chile, what do I miss about the U.S. Not that much either. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me that causes me to have so little attachment to places I’ve lived. I’m just not a very sentimental person, to be honest.

The more questions she asked me, the more I realized, my relationship with Chile is so love/hate that those two emotions almost cancel each other out. What I hate about Chilean society is that people have very little consideration for others, they’re so rude and inconsiderate of each other. But at the same time, sometimes I love that. I love that they’re not nice to each other just because they feel like societal rules dictate that they have to be. What societal rules? We’re all just going to do whatever the hell we want to do without having to stop and worry about how our actions are affecting others. To hell with it. Anarchy.

And I also was able to ask the Lovely Lawyer and her mother what they thought about living in the U.S. as Chileans. Just like it’s not often that someone asks me what I think of Chile and expects an honest answer, it’s not enough that I have the chance to speak with someone in the same situation, but opposite. When I first sat down and asked the Lovely Lawyer, “So…you’re sort of Chilean right?” And she said, “No, I’m a gringa.” But her mother clearly is, and always will be Chilena. Then I asked about her also Chilean-born father who’s lived in the U.S. for the same 34 years. I asked, “Does he still identify with Chile?” and both the Lovely Lawyer and her mom responded laughing, “No. He’s gringo.”

I can’t imagine living in a country so long, assimilating so fully, that I feel Chilean. For as much as I finally like I’ve found my place in this society and that I’m happy to be living in Chile, I’ll always be gringa. Just like the Lovely Lawyer’s mother, who is well dressed, speaks perfect English and has an extremely open mind about both societies and the way they work, but is and always will be Chilena — I don’t think 34 years or even 134 years would change that part of my identity.

And just so you guys know, I will be making my way through answering some of the survey questions, plus trying to fix the blog’s technical problems that you’ve pointed out, some of which I had never realized it had! Speaking of — anyone know how to make the font bigger? I just tried to follow a tutorial that I found in google and it didn’t work. Several people have requested a larger font so I’m trying to make it happen.

View Comments

  • I get the whole not being very sentimental towards a place--I think I could live a lot of different places, but people are what really keep me tied to one place. More than anything else, it would really disorient me to not be physically fairly close to our families anymore or to not be plugged into the relationships we have here.

    My husband is American-born to Chilean parents and it is interesting to see how his parents relate to Chile, thirtysome years after they left Chile for good. My father-in-law, I think, is still pretty wistful in thinking about Chile even though he really doesn't even have strong family connections there any more except through his wife. His closest relationships, outside of us, do seem to be with people he knew in Chile. If, God forbid, something happened to my mother-in-law, I do think he would move back even though it would put him far away from his children. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, does not have good memories of her childhood and young adulthood in Chile and assimilated quickly. She largely believes that leaving Chile was the best thing that could have happened to her. I don't know that she would consider herself gringa per se, but she's clearly not so much Chilena anymore either.
  • kyleracine
    Mary, that's surprising that after so long in the U.S. your dad still has his closest relationships in Chile. Crazy! I've only been in Chile for five years, and without a doubt I can say that I feel the dynamic slowly shifting...and if we stay here long enough I'm sure eventually most of my close relationships will be here.

    Also, I probably shouldn't say this, but even towards people I'm not that sentimental. Most of the time, I feel like, we can have just as meaningful conversations over Skype as we can in real life, and even if I lived in the same city as my mom, I'm not sure we'd even see each other once a week. Would it be nice? Definitely. But in reality, I'm not sure that things would be soooo different than they are now, you know what I mean?
  • Yes, my father-in-law's dynamic with his Chilean family/friends is a little odd, but I don't think too weird. My in laws came to the U.S. for him to go to grad school back in the late 60s and then he got a pretty demanding job with Washington, DC, which he stayed at until just a few years ago. I think, with all the long work hours and travel, he never had the time my mother in law did to develop those relationships here in the U.S. Also, that job had him traveling a lot to Chile and still in regular contact with Chileans in a way that most Chileans living in the U.S. would not have. Plus, like a lot of men of his generation, he really depends on his wife to sort of take care of that for him, and there is some weird family of origin baggage happening too. So, lots of things to keep him tied to Chile, rather than fully assimilating.
  • I totally identify with various parts of this post, seeing as I spent 6 years in college (yea, I took my time!) exploring my cultural identity. I grew up in the US since I was 2, but my parents always made sure to keep Chilean culture in the home. So when I went to Chile by myself for the first time in 1998 (high school graduation gift), I was SO gringo in the eyes of my family and newfound friends. It was shocking. So I was a Chilean in the US? But a gringo in Chile? WTF!
    After being here 4 years, I think I understand it from the perspective of Uruguayan singer/songwriter Jorge Drexler, when he said that cultural identity is not something to be affirmed or asserted. Much like adolescents need to assert that they are "adults" and should be treated as such, it's more a theme of maturity on the subject than actual identity affirmation. Jorge Drexler is a son of a German Jewish father and an Uruguayan mother with roots in Brazil, who has spent time living in Jerusalem, Spain and Uruguay.

    Anyway, back to the point. Cultural identity is a liquid thing, changing form like water changes depending on the vessel. I'm Chilean when I wanna be and gringo when I wanna be.

    I've also observed that phenomena of completely switching cultural identity. My mother has spent more than half her life in the US and now completely associates herself with that culture better than Chile. I'm not sure she would consider herself "gringa" but the test may come in December, when she comes back to do hardcore genealogical research!

    My dad has always maintained his Chilean identity, sometimes by placing a barrier between himself and "gringo" culture.... "these cold gringos!" he'll say, in complaint. It'll be interesting to see how they resolve retirement! My mom definitely cares little about moving back... but my dad dreams of buying a campo and building himself a house out there in the country.
  • kyleracine
    I think like with all expats, the place you're from gets so idealized. So I'm sure your dad thinks that moving back to Chile to the campo will be pure heaven, while the reality might be quite different, just like sometimes I think, "Oh this would be so easy in the U.S." about various of my day to day tasks, when really, I have no idea what real life is like there anymore.

    I'm curious Gabriel, with how much time you've spent in Chile now, have you changed how you feel towards being more Chilean, or more Gringo?
  • Oh it's my story, kind of. My mom never considered herself gringa until she moved back to Chile last year after 28 years living in CA. Now that she's here, she's ALL ABOUT being a gringa.

    I have attitude about people who leave Chile and decide they're just gringa. I feel I can have that attitude because that's my reality too. But how can someone like me state that I'm one thing and not another? It's like being 1) in denial or 2) ashamed. So which is it?

    I'm both and I'm fine with that. I'm Gringa when I'm here and I'm Chilean when I'm there. I'm good with being both because it makes me who I am. Deciding one or the other is just a lie, in my book.

    On another note - SO HAPPY to have finally met you!!! I hope we hang out again soon!! You can take as long as you want eating your salad! :o)
  • kyleracine
    This girl definitely didn't seem like she was denying that she's Chilean. Just on first reaction when I said, "So are you Chilean?" And she, "I'm a gringa." I mean, I get that. She hasn't lived at all in Chile. I think her biggest connection with Chile is her parents and the Spanish language. I didn't think she was in denial or ashamed, just unconnected...

    And yes, I had an awesome time last night...I really thought I might jinx it and that you wouldn't show up in the end since every time I tried to plan something you couldn't come! But I'll eat salads for hours and hours with you any day of the week, just say the word :)
  • Joris Vleminckx
    A quick workaround about the font question: just tell people that by holding ctrl and rotating their mouse wheel they will be able to change the whole screen resolution :-)
  • kyleracine
    Joris, I think most of my readers are probably too lazy/non-technological to do that. But it's a good tip, I had no idea that was possible!
blog comments powered by Disqus