Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

January 27, 2010

Life in Chile as an expat isn’t easy at first. Or even at last. There are challenges and trials and tribulations and all that jazz. After 5 years here, and probably a combined 30 years in Chile between my closest group of gringa girl friends that live here, I think I can pinpoint one factor that makes life happier. And unsurprisingly, it’s the same factor that keeps women around the globe happy in their relationships with their significant others.

Have a life outside your boyfriend/partner/husband/fiance. It sounds so obvious, but honestly, in Chile, it’s easier said than done. I’ve talked a million times about how making friends with Chileans is difficult because of the lots of factors (an untrusting culture, the fact that they go to high school and college in the same city so in general they keep the same group of friends from a very young age, it’s hard for a Gringo to read a Chilean etc). Many Gringas tend to cling to their significant other — it’s natural, you’re alone in a foreign country and he’s both the reason you’re here and the person who loves you more than anyone else on the continent, literally.

And Your So-Called Life outside your significant other will hopefully involve you pursuing your passions/trying to figure out what your passion is — not teaching English. Unless, of course, being a teacher is something you actually want to do. If you’re only a Meeees (the Spanishized way of pronouncing Miss and what profesoras de ingles are generally called by their students) because you think that’s all you can do in Chile, you’re barking up the wrong happiness tree, my friend.

I shouldn’t have made the title of this post so definitive because I don’t have the answer to all of life’s happiness in Chile or elsewhere. And I’ve said it before, if you’re a happy person in the U.S. or wherever you currently live, you’ll figure out how to be happy in Chile, regardless of the circumstances. But, I have definitely noticed a trend amongst my gringa friends — the ones that seem most well-adjusted to life here are the ones who have their own career, or a start of it, at least. I don’t think that’s because teaching English is so horrible. Well, it might be, I don’t know. I’ve never done it. I digress. I think that’s because if you’re teaching English because you feel like that’s your only career option. One of life’s biggest decisions has just been made for you without your input. Lack of choices make for very angry Gringas.

We grew up in the land of “You can be anything you want to be when you grow up!” regardless of how ridiculous that statement actually is. So to land in the country of, “You want to be a bilingual secretary? Only if you studied Bilingual Secretarianism! Regardless of your qualifications. MWAHAHA,” is a shock to the system.

But, finding a job in Chile, that will hopefully lead to a career, can be done. Or you can just start your own career, like me. Both take time, patience, hard work and a lot of schmoozing. And it’s worth it. Don’t sacrifice your own goals just because you’re in a foreign country. You’ve already moved away from your home country. That’s more than sacrifice enough. We don’t want anybody becoming a martyr, now do we?

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I'm glad you added this part: “Unless, of course, being a teacher is something you actually want to do,” because I was about to get all angry up in here. Although maybe we're the exception to the rule, there are gringas who enjoy teaching and do it because we love it (well, most of the time). I get judged all the time for teaching English, though, because people think I'm here just for a year to have study abroad round two. Or they assume I'm here for my pololo. Also not true.

Anyway, I digress. I feel like you're completely right. I've always felt that you have to find your happiness, happiness doesn't find you. It's so important for gringas to make a life for themselves here. It's easy for me to say that because I made a life for myself, then started dating my boyfriend. So it put me in a much better place emotionally and mentally. It's definitely possible to do that if you come here for your boyfriend, although I can imagine it takes a bit more effort. Great post, Kyle!

Comment by Abby Hall — January 28, 2010 @ 3:47 am
Great post, Kyle. I've just moved to Valpo with my British boyfriend, for his job (which I really wanted him to take as three years in Chile just sounded too good to miss). I was already an English teacher before I came, up to Christmas I was working in a school in London. So hopefully I'll enjoy the English teaching here, although it will be a bit different. If not, I'll choose to do something different.. No matryrdom for me! But I totally agree with the you on the needing to find your own life outside your partner factor – I'm positive that will be a bit of a decider here.
Nat

Comment by Nat — January 28, 2010 @ 5:26 am
i think you hit the nail on the head, on all factors. it is completely obvious, yet often so hard to do. in my case, a little (ok a lot) of distance from chile has allowed me to step back and see myself more clearly. my frustrations while living in santiago were exacerbated by all the things we usually griped about, but at the root of it, it was me. i needed an extra push to really begin seeking my work in the world. my life there, the people, and yes, teaching english, helped clarify so much for me and while i have a lot of moments where i think, man, i should've put myself out there more, or really challenged myself career-wise, i realize that by being able to see this all now doesn't necessarily mean it's too late.
so, although i ramble, i really mean: this is wicked good advice! and it is 100% true, wherever you are, so pay attention

Comment by Emita — January 28, 2010 @ 6:41 am
I see the truth of that. most everyone i work with sees teaching as something theyre forced to do to have a job here.

I don't know if teaching is something i could do forever, just because it kind of pains me to think I wouldn't get to try out some other stuff that I like too, but i absolutely love teaching here. my parents keep trying to guide me away from it but i just havent been ready to give it up yet.. to me, teaching is a way to really dive into one of my other main interests of linguistics and languages. but i think all this depends a lot on where people work and how much freedom people have with it. i often have very advanced students who can get into the really complicated fun stuff, and i make almost all lessons from scratch.

its a good principle though, to not get blocked into something you dont like

Comment by lydia — January 28, 2010 @ 7:39 am
I think you hit the nail on the head with this: “Lack of choices make for very angry Gringas.” Even if teaching is what you like doing, feeling like you have no other options is NOT fun. For me, I loved teaching in Chile – as I loved teaching in the US – and I loved teaching in Guate – and I'm sure I will continue loving teaching wherever I am. Unfortunately – as so many people have mentioned in other blogs – teaching English is not a stable job. It's stressful and the work/money is inconsistent. So for settling down and saving money… ugh, yeah no. And no matter how much I like teaching it is NOT my dream job (i have a hard time imagining anyone who feels it is a dream job…). I have other passions and interests. Now I just have to figure out how those passions fit with the choices and options available to me abroad. and hopefully I can be a happy gringa too! )

Comment by Kelly — January 28, 2010 @ 9:01 am
This is great “You want to be a bilingual secretary? Only if you studied Bilingual Secretarianism!” Love it. No. Actually, I hate it, but what can I do?

It is important to have hobbies outside your significant other. That's just good advice anywhere. I read a relationship advice column recently and they guy was saying that giving up those hobbies is like giving up what made you so attractive to your partner in the first place. What will you have to talk about if your life revolves around them?

Comment by Sara — January 28, 2010 @ 11:03 am
I actually think that the gringas most happy in Chile are the ones least happy in the US. Or at least, I think that of those of us who came in high school. I am not sure it transcends to the college arrivals or those who are married. In high school at least, those who were super popular and super happy didn't do well in Chile. Those of us who despised our lives back home had a blast and created lives that were what we wanted. And, for people like me, we have maintained those friendships and lives for years and years.

Comment by ClareSays — January 28, 2010 @ 4:44 pm
I definitely don't think this applies across the board! At least not in my college and now post-college experience, nor that of most people I know who came under those circumstances. I like my life back home a lot, but I've made a good life for myself here as well.

I really agree with what Kyle's said here that it's mostly about whether you CREATE a life for yourself or just accept what's offered – which for a lot of people is one specific job and one specific relationship. I'd be probably be unhappy anywhere in the world if the only things I had going for me were my fiancé and a job I didn't like, but in the US, even in a new place, it's easier for me to break out of that because I know the culture and language. Being in a new country means you have to first learn how to make friends and where to find hobbies, which makes it just that bit harder and means that some people will probably give up and resign themselves to their unhappiness.

Comment by emilyinchile — January 29, 2010 @ 7:30 am
I agree with many of your points here. But they do apply no matter where you are living. You have to have a life and interests outside of your relationship with your significant other, and you need to follow your passions and pursue a career that excites you, unless you just want to become a homemaker, of course. I went on the path of doing my own thing, and so far, so good. I decided that it's actually what I want to do for the rest of my life! If I were in my home country, I don't think I would have had the balls to do it. Here, the fact that I felt I had no other options actually pushed me forward.

The problem is that I do think many Chileans are narrow-minded. For example, if a Chilean majors in education, he/she probably wouldn't be able to find a job in a different field. On the other hand, in the US, you can switch careers when you're 40, become a doctor even if you didn't major in pre-med, and become a lawyer as a biology major. I like that flexibility.

Teaching English is okay as a temp. job, but it really is kind of a dead-end career. The salary doesn't go up much, unless you want to open your own school, become a teacher trainer, or get an advanced degree and teach at the univ. level. Becoming a certified teacher and teaching in intl. schools is probably a good idea for gringas who like teaching. It's also harder to get a job back home if all you have ever done is teach English.

Comment by Kathleen K. O'Connor — January 29, 2010 @ 12:33 pm
I also have to disagree. At least that's not what I've experienced at all. One of my good friends came to Chile in high school and she was part of the “popular” crowd and was happy with her life in the US, but wanted to experience something different. She's still here today.

I wasn't unhappy with my life back home at all, although I did come during college. I think it's pretty depressing to say that only people who are unhappy in the US can be happy in Chile. Like Kyle says in her post, it's all about making your own choices to make yourself happy. Maybe people who were unhappy in the US didn't know how to do that until they came here. I don't know.

That being said, I'm glad Chile has brought you happiness, Clare!

Comment by Abby Hall — January 30, 2010 @ 9:54 am
Kathleen, how do you know it's hard to get a job back home if all you've ever done is taught English? Personal experience? I don't know, obviously, because I'm still in Chile. I have heard that it's hard to get ESL jobs and they're low paid, but what about other jobs in other fields or within Education? I feel like you're generalizing a bit. Or maybe I'm just wishful thinking.

Comment by Abby Hall — January 30, 2010 @ 9:58 am
Well, I don't think it's impossible, but I wouldn't say it's easy either. Sorry if it sounds like I am generalizing. I have never had the experience, I have just read about it and know people who have had the experience. I once read an article in the Japan Times about TEFL teachers in Japan and how they found it challenging to find work when they returned to their home countries. I also have friends who have done it and they could only find work teaching ESL to adults, at least initially. Those are usually part-time jobs (unless you have an advanced degree) and don't pay well. If you get an advanced degree in education, of course you can find work in education. An advanced TEFL degree also offers more opportunities. But I have a friend who has a masters degree in art education and she is teaching English in Korea right now because she couldn't find work in the US. Of course, with the current economic situation, it's just hard to find a stable job in the US, no matter what kind of work experience you have. But if you love teaching and could see yourself doing it for the rest of your life, then you don't have anything to worry about! There is a huge need for bilingual teachers in Texas and some other states. My friend became a certified bilingual teacher through an alternative certification program in Austin.

Comment by Kathleen K. O'Connor — January 30, 2010 @ 10:56 am
I also have to disagree. At least that's not what I've experienced at all. One of my good friends came to Chile in high school and she was part of the “popular” crowd and was happy with her life in the US, but wanted to experience something different. She's still here today.

I wasn't unhappy with my life back home at all, although I did come during college. I think it's pretty depressing to say that only people who are unhappy in the US can be happy in Chile. Like Kyle says in her post, it's all about making your own choices to make yourself happy. Maybe people who were unhappy in the US didn't know how to do that until they came here. I don't know.

That being said, I'm glad Chile has brought you happiness, Clare!

Comment by Abby Hall — January 30, 2010 @ 5:54 pm
Kathleen, how do you know it's hard to get a job back home if all you've ever done is taught English? Personal experience? I don't know, obviously, because I'm still in Chile. I have heard that it's hard to get ESL jobs and they're low paid, but what about other jobs in other fields or within Education? I feel like you're generalizing a bit. Or maybe I'm just wishful thinking.

Comment by Abby Hall — January 30, 2010 @ 5:58 pm
Well, I don't think it's impossible, but I wouldn't say it's easy either. Sorry if it sounds like I am generalizing. I have never had the experience, I have just read about it and know people who have had the experience. I once read an article in the Japan Times about TEFL teachers in Japan and how they found it challenging to find work when they returned to their home countries. I also have friends who have done it and they could only find work teaching ESL to adults, at least initially. Those are usually part-time jobs (unless you have an advanced degree) and don't pay well. If you get an advanced degree in education, of course you can find work in education. An advanced TEFL degree also offers more opportunities. But I have a friend who has a masters degree in art education and she is teaching English in Korea right now because she couldn't find work in the US. Of course, with the current economic situation, it's just hard to find a stable job in the US, no matter what kind of work experience you have. But if you love teaching and could see yourself doing it for the rest of your life, then you don't have anything to worry about! There is a huge need for bilingual teachers in Texas and some other states. My friend became a certified bilingual teacher through an alternative certification program in Austin.

Comment by Kathleen K. O'Connor — January 30, 2010 @ 6:56 pm