Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

December 16, 2010

2010 was the best! And it’s not even over yet. But, like every year, as soon as the Christmas season rolls around I start to ruminate about the current year’s successes and failures before the new year starts. I’m really not sure why I’m so excited about 2010. I didn’t meet any of my goals. I did not run a marathon. I did not shoot 25 weddings. I did not keep a sane person’s work schedule. Wait, though. I achieved number 2 on my list. I did manage to stay alive. So there’s that, at least.

Even though I didn’t meet my goals, I had a very happy year. Nobody got ran over, nothing catastrophic happened.

I lived my life differently though, because of the accident.

Every day is a gift. It’s cheesy, but it’s true. Every time Seba drives off somewhere and then comes back to me alive, that’s a gift. Every new person I meet is a gift. Every click of the shutter on my camera is a gift. Every second I spend with my family and friends and the people that I love, they’re all gifts. I could not ask for more than all these little gifts, that keep coming and keep coming and keep coming, every day.

When the clock hit midnight on December 31st, 2009, a weight was lifted off me because we were no longer living in The Year That I Got Hit By a Car. In 2009, I couldn’t shake that heaviness, but 2010 I let it all go. I think of my accident basically as my mortality punching me in the face.

When I was little and I stressed out about dying young, my mom would always say to me, “Kyle, you could go at any moment. You could get hit by a car tomorrow*. You just never know when your time is up.” Now I KNOW — in a way that I don’t think anyone ever knows until they have some kind of brush with death — now I know that she was right. I literally could get hit by a car tomorrow. So I’ve stopped freaking out about the future.

Ok, maybe I’m taking some liberties with the word “stopped,” here. But I freak out significantly less about the future. That’s doesn’t mean I’m any less driven than I’ve always been. I want to do good things on this earth while I’m here. I always want to be a better person. Of course my goal is for my business to blow up. Of course my goal is to travel more. Of course my goal is to run a marathon. Of course my goal is to be a better wife. But I’m not sweating it. I’m trying to take it day by day. Because, maybe as of tomorrow I will never get another booking and it will all end. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have to go back to a normal job and have a real boss. Maybe tomorrow Seba will divorce me because I’m too cute, obviously. Maybe tomorrow I’ll develop social anxiety disorder and never see my friends again. You just never know.

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll get hit by a car. But this is today. And right now, I ‘m still ok.

*You cursed me, woman!

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14 Comments

i’m so happy for you. you really seem to be loving life and i hope it lasts! from a blog perspective i for one have noted a big difference in your tone – your general happiness definitely comes through to the reader. whereas before i’d say your blog had a lot more complaints about life in Chile it seems that now you’ve not only accepted a longer term relationship with the country but have truly embraced it. can’t wait to hear how 2011 unfolds AND see some during and after pix of your apartment- post some soon! xo

Comment by KM — December 16, 2010 @ 6:14 am

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Katina, I would post pictures, but there’s nothing to post. We’re still doing paperwork to get the permisos and one of the offices we need to get a permiso from is on strike.

I think that my lack of complaints isn’t necessarily due to embracing Chile, I still feel the same way about this country, only not trapped here. It’s due to me having blogged everything there is to blog about cultural differences! I can’t think of anything new to write about the place.

Comment by kyle — December 16, 2010 @ 6:17 am

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One thing I always loved about you was this great perspective that you had, even long before the accident. You were one of the most non-judgmental people I’d ever met. It’s hard to know what to say about this post, since I’m not glad the accident happened, but I’m very glad that you’re alive and happy. And I still would love to see a post re. your take on Chileans and work! Suddenly now that I’m a workaday drone such things have just become terribly interesting to me…

Comment by Carrie — December 16, 2010 @ 6:44 am

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Insert standard “the bookings won’t dry up, don’t be silly” comment here.
AND, I think you need to add a little something to this post about how maybe you didn’t achieve goals on paper, but you didn’t just slack either. Like your goal was to shoot 25 weddings not just as a random number but in order to pay the things you wanted to pay. You’ve done that. You didn’t run a marathon but not just because you got lazy, it was because you worked toward it and found your knees aren’t ready yet. Except for the work schedule – you get no credit for trying to fix that one Maybe 2011′s goal should be “accept that I secretly like my crazy schedule.”

Comment by Emily — December 16, 2010 @ 10:35 am

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Oh, Kyle it makes me so happy to read this – I love that you are so happy and “have found your bliss” (only in quotes because I can’t take myself seriously when I write stuff like that).

I am sure I’ll say it again before the year is over…but Happy Holidays Kyle (And Seba too!)

Comment by Deidre — December 16, 2010 @ 1:59 pm

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I feel the same way Carrie, I’m not glad the accident happened, but I am glad I have a new perspective on my every day life. And I swear I’ll write a post about Chileans and work as soon as I have a spare second! Which might not be any time soon, but I’m trying!

Yes, Emily, that is true, I achieved my goals in other ways. But the work schedule I might as well just not even bother making that a goal anymore. We both know that isn’t going to happen

Deidre, I actually chuckled a little bit when I read “found your bliss” but I love it, it makes me smile Happy holidays to you too!

Comment by Kyle — December 16, 2010 @ 2:20 pm

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Sounds like you’ve got the right idea. Every day truly is a blessing. Happy holidays!

Comment by Kristin — December 16, 2010 @ 3:38 pm

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Thank you Kristin, it’s taken me a while to get there, but I am!

Comment by Kyle — December 16, 2010 @ 11:11 pm

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So I certainly loved looking at your photos and reading your words when I first found myself in your path… and now I realize that life has a way with its coincidences. I got hit by a truck while riding in the passenger seat of a car this October and it left its tinge (mildly put!) on 2010. Reading about your beautiful recovery, in every possible way, is inspiring, strengthening and smile-inducing.

Comment by Roxanne — December 18, 2010 @ 6:56 am

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Wow Roxanne. I am so very glad that you’re still here today to read this

I hope your recovery is going well and trust me when I say, you probably won’t forget, but it’ll get better.

Comment by Kyle — December 18, 2010 @ 11:05 am

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Perhaps my favorite post of yours so far!! I only read about your accident in the last couple of weeks and WOW.

Went on a walk last night and Rent’s Finale B played on my iPod — the lyrics “no day but today” is certainly a good reminder that each day is a gift and contains little moments of gifts throughout.

Hope you have a beautiful, blessed year ahead of you!

Comment by Heather — December 19, 2010 @ 1:55 pm

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kyle!!! i love the honesty and optimism in your writing. really hope i get to meet you guys someday. in chile, too, that would be awesome but wherever! you’re inspiring in so many ways.

Comment by ayesha — December 21, 2010 @ 11:27 am

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You are welcome to come visit whenever Ayesha, we’d love to have you! And soon enough we’ll have an apartment where we can actually host you

Comment by Kyle — December 21, 2010 @ 11:29 am

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Kyle, the message of this post really resonates with me. Unlike you, I didn’t face my own mortality to recognize that every day is a gift; instead, that recognition came for me when my mom died at just 46. Sometimes we need life to slap us in the face so we can truly the make the most of it.

I’m so glad that 2010 was a positive year for you and Seba. It was a good year for me, too. I’m hoping for good things for you in 2011!

Comment by Katie — December 22, 2010 @ 6:04 am

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