Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

April 8, 2011

My BFF Molly, as you may or may not have heard, tied the knot last weekend.

The bar was…open. And Molly, being the amazing friend that she is, added champagne to the open bar because she knows that is MY drink!

So maybe you think you can guess where this story is going. Crazy Kyle does something crazy. Wait. Stop the record.

IT WASN’T ME.

Seba imbibed just a wee bit too much. And when I say “wee bit too much,” I’d like you all to picture my husband — who barely speaks in Spanish, let alone in his second language, English — running around at the end of the reception saying, “DID YOU KNOW? The wine is from CHILE! I’m from CHILE! You should try it!”

The reception ended and we left. Seba wanted to keep partying. I calmly and pleasantly suggested that we did not keep partying in order to be able to take the last shuttle back to our hotel because otherwise we’d miss it and have to walk.

We argued and we missed it anyways.

So we began walking back. It was pretty much winter in Breckenridge and I was in a strapless purple bridesmaids dress and sparkly silver flip flops.

My feet were freezing walking through the snow. My toes were turning purple. I said as much.

Seba, being the gallant gentleman that he is, came over and wanted to carry me. I said no and he insisted, tried to pick me up, lost his balance, AND THEN SLAMMED ME FACE FIRST INTO THE CEMENT/SNOW.

He drew blood. Let’s just leave it at that. It was PAINFUL. I started to try to get back up and he tried to help me. At that point he was less than steady on his feet and instead of helping, he was actually pushing me back down into the snow. I, again, pleasantly and calmly, asked him to please let me get up on my own.

Seba then stormed off and shouted out, “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” In English.

At that point, I just gave up. There’s no reasoning with someone who has taken 9 shots of whiskey so I figured that being mad was absolutely pointless and I might as well just enjoy the hilarity of the situation. Granted, the situation became a hell of a lot more hilarious once we were safely inside our warm hotel room and I could feel my feet again. The next day I woke up and laughed until I cried.

I told a friend about it and she could not understand why I wasn’t angrier about the whole thing, but let’s face it — does my husband ever go out and get drunk? Nope. He hasn’t pretty much since college. Does my husband ever speak English with complete strangers? Definitely not. Once, he actually got lost and wandered around Nashville for three hours because he was too scared to ask anyone for directions. And did my husband shove my face into the snow on purpose? Nope, although I’m sure there have been plenty of times that he’s fantasized of doing so.

We all have our moments.

PS. Seba actually didn’t want me to tell anyone what happened, let alone post it on the blog, so how about you all chime in and tell us when you’ve had a “moment,” to make him feel better?

PSS. Remember, everything you write on the internet will stay in cyberspace FOR. Ev. ER. So don’t write anything too incriminating

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24 Comments

Hilarious! I’ve had much worse moments than that, so much worse in fact that I can’t post here. Seba way to let loose, minus the Kyle face first into the snow/cement part

Comment by Sarah — April 8, 2011 @ 3:31 am

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I ate snow a few weeks back when I was too hungover to get out of bed. I opened my window next to the bed and scarfed a handful. It made my mouth feel better, my dignity not so much.

Comment by Robin — April 8, 2011 @ 3:44 am

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Tell Seba he’s in good company. Ryan and i have had a very similar moment! Thank goodness ours was in the grass outside MacDintons… not in the ice cold snow. And lucky for him, Ryan was the one that ended up bloody- not me!! but you have love the clumsy attempt at chivalry!

Comment by Nikki — April 8, 2011 @ 6:24 am

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I still think you are a saint for not being madder at him, but it’s also a really funny story. How was the hangover the next day?

Comment by Emily — April 8, 2011 @ 6:27 am

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It was the whiskey that slammed your face into the snow. You can’t trust that drink.

Comment by Kai Heeringa — April 8, 2011 @ 7:18 am

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That’s an awesome story! And he’s lucky you weren’t more angry. My wife would be sooo pissed at me!

Comment by Brian Davis — April 8, 2011 @ 7:58 am

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“There’s no reasoning with someone who has taken 9 shots of whiskey” true that! My spanish ex, who rarely got drunk either, once after a few too many drinks, picked me up “honeymoon style” and ran at full speed with me into the bedroom, he then went to throw me on the bed (he though he was being romantic) but I landed on the edge of the bed and bounced onto the floor. The momentum was also too much that when he threw me, he came with me and after I fell onto the floor he fell on top of me. You’re right, if he did this every weekend you’d probably dicorce him but once in a while is not so bad, and if it meant seeing him talk crazy english with everyone at the wedding then maybe it was worth it too. You take the good with the bad!

Comment by Kristy — April 8, 2011 @ 9:04 am

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and he’s my ex but not cause he did that! I laugh everytime I think about it!

Comment by Kristy — April 8, 2011 @ 9:06 am

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Here’s my story. In 2008, I walked out of a job in the middle of the day. The economy just started to tank. I didn’t have another job. (Also, my boss at the time was a word that rhymes with witch AND I was the 4th person to walk out that week without another job because of her).

Back to the story, I started to walk aimlessly around DC and found myself by Union Station near the Capitol. It was around 11am. I sat down next 2 guys in their 40s. I looked at the bartender and blurted. I just left my job without having another one. The 2 guys next to me cheered and bought me lunch. It turns out one of them was a New England Congressperson. The bartender gave me 1 free margarita. The Congressperson and his Chief of Staff brought me lunch and paid for 2 more. The Congressperson also gave me a HUGE pep talk that everything was going to be all right. He was right….after the hangover wore off the next morning.

Comment by Michelle — April 8, 2011 @ 9:10 am

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Ha! I start speaking Spanish when I’m drunk. And I ask lots of inappropriate personal questions of people I hardly know. I become a chatterbox, basically, and you know that sober me is not that way.

Last time this happened I flung my arm around my boss and told him I thought his girlfriend was the hottest person I’d ever seen.

Comment by Carrie — April 8, 2011 @ 9:49 am

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i think you should not have posted the story, and not have told anyone….i would say i have one, maybe two bad drunk moments a year, life before being married was different, but now I find those moments so embarrassing, that I expect my wife not to tell people…..

Comment by Brendan — April 8, 2011 @ 11:30 am

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Brendan he gave me permission to post. Once his hangover wore off and realized I wasn’t mad, he was able to laugh about it.

Comment by Kyle — April 8, 2011 @ 12:31 pm

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I think Seba is even more adorable after this, and I think you are even more positive I though you would. Your reasoning was good and now you can remember this as a crazy funny incident and not as a fight.

I would try to use a Kyle reasoning style next time Will does something like this.

:p

Comment by Ana Maria — April 8, 2011 @ 12:35 pm

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Michelle, that’s actually pretty awesome! How far into the conversation did it take you to realize the guy was a congressman?

Anita, well, I’m going to cross my fingers that Will never does anything like that, but if he does, just write a blog post about it and laugh

Kristy, HAHAHA, that story is AWESOME. Well maybe not that awesome when it happened, but definitely awesome now! I think Seba feels better now.

Nikki, pictures or it didn’t happen

Comment by Kyle — April 8, 2011 @ 1:24 pm

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Oh and Carrie, stop being so damn loud. I can hear you all the way in Michigan

Comment by Kyle — April 8, 2011 @ 1:27 pm

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Kyle, I already love you, but the more I hear from and about seba, the more I LOVE him! This story is adorable… makes me want to get him plastered. If I buy drinks at dinner, will he speak English to me? I’ll speak my completely broken Spanish that all revolves around ordering food or finding the bathroom =)

Comment by Caroline — April 8, 2011 @ 6:36 pm

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HAHA, Caroline, I’m scared to have dinner with you if Seba is going to wasted and slam me into the cement again But no, he can’t drink the day before the wedding! Neither can I! But we will happily take pictures of YOU partaking of the open bar the next day.

Comment by Kyle — April 9, 2011 @ 1:20 am

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I once had a boyfriend (who is now my husband) get a wee bit intoxicated with my uncle (mind you) and on our way home from that outing he proceeded to PROJECTILE vomit all over my car!! I Iiterally mean Excorcist style projectile vomiting. He was mortified the next day but of course we got over it, though he spent the entire next morning scraping dried vomit out of my car. And he left it spotless!

Comment by Andrea — April 9, 2011 @ 2:08 am

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Andrea, A. I am very glad you married him anyways. And B. WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP AT THIS HOUR?!

Comment by Kyle — April 9, 2011 @ 2:09 am

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I am laughing so hard that there are tears streaming down my cheeks (I’m a laughing cryer, yes…) I am so thankful you posted this. Seba, do not be embarrassed. Last night, sirens went off to alert us of incoming missiles. This is not uncommon and, if one follows protocol and goes to the bomb shelter calmly, injuries are avoided. I had been out of the country for two weeks and forgot NOT to panic in this situation. I darted down the dark staircase on the way to the bomb shelter, skipped a couple of steps and landed on my neighbor’s doormat… in a silk, pink nightgown. With lace. I was so embarrassed that I debated waiting for the sirens to stop right there, instead of sharing a bomb shelter with the mortified man.

I am glad to hear that you are both having a wonderful time and I hope some rest is in your near future!

Comment by Roxanne — April 9, 2011 @ 2:11 pm

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Oh goodness! Kyle. I thought I commented on this post already. But apparently not.

AS non-drinkers, Inspector CLimate and I don’t have any drunken stories. Poor Seba – I can totally relate, I have a feeling if I went to any spanish speaking country I’d have a really hard time forcing myself to speak spanish.

Comment by Deidre — April 9, 2011 @ 6:03 pm

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i would have kicked R’s a$s so kudos for being so light-hearted. my favorite/most odioso memory of R’s drunkenness was when i thought he had disappeared into the abyss. turns out he’d just fallen asleep drunk on the subway after a night out w/some Chileans and ended up in the bronx with a hole in his jeans where someone had cut his wallet out of his pocket. needless to say i was less-than-thrilled w/him when he got home. of course, he was only 25 at the time…he seems to have chilled out in his old age of 29.

Comment by KMinNYC — April 10, 2011 @ 8:33 am

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hahaha that is a great story!! i would have been mad about the face!!! besides that it is hilarious!
at least he didn’t throw up!! i always trow up when i drink even if i don’t get too drunk! poor andre wont ever forget how spaghetti looks after a liter of cheap white wine in my stomach… in the middle of the street of Rome! hahaha… i don’t want to give u too many details bc u wont want to eat spaghetti again! but lets just say i got “sick” after drinking too much wine in venice. Started to feel bad in the airplane back to rome and waited in the bus for 1 hr from the airport! i couldn’t help it…

Comment by Catalina — April 10, 2011 @ 3:55 pm

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Are we different in another language or just when we have had a little too much I wonder? I too blanket about in spanish when I have had a few. I ask myself why can’t you do that sober? funny story. I hope you at healed up by now. my hubby is always telling everyone about the wine too. funny seba!

Comment by Dee — April 20, 2011 @ 3:57 pm

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