Fotografo de Bodas, Santiago

September 8, 2011

I would like to make an immediate disclaimer — this is NOT written to any one person in particular so do NOT feel like it is. I guarantee I’m going to get emails tomorrow from people thinking I wrote the post about them specifically. No. That is not the case. A lot of people do this, it happens constantly. It’s not just you. I promise. So don’t take it personally.

I live in Chile.

I have lived here for 7 years.

I’ve never been an English teacher. There’s a reason for that.

Wait for it…wait for it….

It’s because I DO. NOT. WANT. to teach English.

You’re probably thinking, ok duh, what does that have to do with anything?

Chileans speak English to me all the time. They see my blond head (which will soon be grey, at the rate I’m going) and it’s like they just can’t help themselves. I know I’m a tempting target for, “Hello! How are you?” But, c’mon. Resist. We live in Santiago.

The people that only interact with me in situations like Starbucks or Falabella get a pass. They are seeing me for the first time and have no idea whether or not I speak Spanish. I now know that it’s not their fault when they assume I don’t before I’ve ever even opened my mouth (it’s their subconscious’ fault). And my friends all know that I speak Spanish, plus, we interact regularly enough that it would seem weird if they suddenly tried to start speaking to me in English. It’s the acquaintances that don’t know me well that always try to speak English to me.

They say things like, “I just want to practice.”

Well that’s great, but you can pay somebody to do that. Again, let me repeat myself, I Do. Not. Want. to teach English. I applied for one job as an English teacher right after we were married because we were tight on money. They offered the position to me and I ended up not taking it once I realized that teaching English would take away my will to live.

Aside from the fact that I don’t have the patience to listen to people who want to practice their English on me, there are a few other reasons I don’t like it when they try.

One, is that many Chileans suffer from extreme embarrassment over trying to speak a foreign language so too many times I’ve heard them say things in English in a weird, over-enthusiastic, joking tone. “Oh YES! Hello, HELLO!” I know they’re clowning around as a way to protect themselves from embarrassment, but when I’m trying to have a normal conversation with a normal person, I want them to be their normal selves.

I also think it’s disrespectful. In the U.S. I would never speak Spanish to a native Spanish speaker (unless they spoke to me in Spanish first) who was trying to speak English to me, no matter how bad their English was. It just seems like if that person has made the effort to learn the language, the least I can do is take the time to listen to them in said language.

But, when I get right down to it, I think the reason goes deeper too.

I have not always had an easy time fitting in here. For right wrong, whether it’s me or whether it’s them, I’ve had a hard time finding my place in Chile. Chileans who will only speak in English to me are highlighting the fact that I’m a foreigner. I don’t need another reason to feel different. I live here. Treat me like it.

So let’s recap. Here’s why you can keep your English to yourself.

1. If you want to practice, pay somebody — and by that I mean, pay somebody else. Not me. Thanks.

2. I don’t like your clown voice. It annoys me.

3. Respect.

4. Stop treating me like a damn outsider. I live here.

I think most Gringas are quite a bit kinder to the English speaking Chileans than I am. To be fair, most people, not just gringas, have far more patience than I do, when it comes to anything and everything. Let it be said that I’ve never been a particularly tolerant person — though I’ve definitely mellowed in my old age. I was way worse in high school. But back to the point at hand. If you live in a foreign country and speak the language fluently, do people still talk to you in English? And if they do, does it bother you?

Or I am just extra crazy?

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31 Comments

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31 Comments

Hi Kyle — I enjoyed this post. I can’t relate from a language perspective, but definitely relate with standing out as a foreigner. I’m originally from the states and now live in Australia. When people hear my accent in the shops they often assume I’m a tourist or visiting. Fair enough, but it constantly reminds me that I stick out. Sharing my story doesn’t usually bother me, but it can get old. You always want the option to feel that you belong and are home even as an expat.

Comment by Hannah D. — September 8, 2011 @ 9:12 pm

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Oh this drives me absolutely insane! I can’t even count the amount of times that I spoke Spanish to a Costa Rican only to have them respond in broken English, making it extremely difficult to communicate. Recently, I have had pretty good luck by asking them to please speak in Spanish.
On the other hand, I can sympathize with those who want to practice, because whenever I go back to the States I feel like chattin’ up the closest Latino (in Spanish). *sigh*

Comment by Erin — September 8, 2011 @ 9:14 pm

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First of all, you’re just hilarious! I love the way you write.

Second of all this statement doesn’t apply to you since you’re not even 30 yet (or sure don’t look even close to it): “…I’ve definitely mellowed in my old age.”

Third, when can I come visit you in Chile?

Oh, and I would also be annoyed if someone were talking to me in a clown voice too. There is no need for patience!

Comment by Ryan Chan — September 8, 2011 @ 9:26 pm

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im the exact same way when people talk to me in english. It is definitely rude and I would also never do that in the united states to foreigners. this list is a perfect explanation of why.

Comment by catherine — September 8, 2011 @ 9:27 pm

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You should add ‘danke’ to the title.

Comment by Chris Lin — September 8, 2011 @ 9:45 pm

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Interesting Post. I lived in Cusco twice, this year and last year, and I never had this problem-probably because most of the people I talked to really don’t speak English at all! I’m blond too-maybe not as blond as you but certainly enough to be labeled a gringa (I’m Puerto Rican). In any case, I always miss speaking spanish since it’s my first language and I only spoke it mainly with my family. So being in Cusco was great for me, because most people always asked me where I was from and when I told them I was from Puerto Rican descent and spanish was my first language-they all spoke to me in spanish. Only once, when I lived in the Peruvian jungle my guide there really wanted to practice his english so I agreed to some lessons. He was such a nice guy and so eager to learn, and had already practiced so much on his own, and really-living in the jungle-there is not all that much to do at night when you have no electricity-so I was happy to help him practice a bit. I can understand though when people think, oh, there’s a blondie lets get her to help with our english, especially since you’ve been living there for such a long time.
You are definitely not crazy mija!

Comment by Mica — September 8, 2011 @ 9:48 pm

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Also! I think my brain might have done this. In the airport returning from the half Russian wedding (and hearing spoken Russian for large parts of the weekend) I started to perceive all non-English around me as (possibly) Russian. Often I can narrow down non-English speech around me to, at worst, a region of the world, if not a specific language. Mandarin Chinese has distinct tones, and I’ve grown up listening to that. Korean and Japanese take a bit longer. I don’t know Eastern European languages well enough. But I swear everything sounded like Russian for few days.

Comment by Chris Lin — September 8, 2011 @ 9:49 pm

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I definitely get what you’re saying. Now I’m reminded of the time I was last in Chile, at the Los Dominicos craft market (really touristy, I know, but I was with a group from my college) and I browsed a ton of stores looking for gifts for my family. Some of the store owners, when they figured out I was a foreigner, started speaking to me in English, even when I initially spoke Spanish to them. But there was this one store owner who continued speaking to me in Spanish. I ended up buying the gifts for my family from the store owner who only spoke to me in Spanish, as a sort of gesture of appreciation.

Comment by Bronwyn — September 8, 2011 @ 10:25 pm

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I live in a “foreign country”…I guess not so foreign to me anymore and although most of the people notice I have an accent (even my own children and they SURE let me know it)they still keep their Spanish to themselves. I think by now most people have learned to no assume. For example I could be Brazilian or even Italian (?) by all means….anyhow I don’t mind it when they speak Spanish to me, I feel flattered and it gives me an opportunity to tell them who I am and where I come from. But again my situation is different: I’ve just lived here TOO long….

Comment by Vivian — September 8, 2011 @ 10:37 pm

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I am going to speak exclusively spanish to you. Even though my spanish is border line offensively bad.

On an interesting note, when my wife and I were recently in Italy, whenever someone would speak to the two of us, it was ALWAYS in english. They saw my blonde hair and freckles and thought “no way this guys speaks Italian.” But if I was off taking a photo or otherwise distracted and someone spoke to my wife alone, it was always in Italian. Even though she doesn’t speak any Italian.

The assumptions people make can be very frustrating at times.

Comment by Dennis Pike — September 9, 2011 @ 4:17 am

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I completely agree. When I was in Argentina this drove me crazy too. It’s about wanting people to take you at face value, as a person, and not put up the wall between you that the broken clown English creates, and respect you enough to give you a chance.

Comment by Trillia — September 9, 2011 @ 5:15 am

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“I don’t like your clown voice” BAHAHAHA!

Comment by Kai Heeringa — September 9, 2011 @ 5:16 am

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Hahahhaa I always speak to you in English… And this post is in English… ooooh the irony LOL.

I am one of those that have been told off for speaking in English… hahaha

Comment by Maximiliano Barros — September 9, 2011 @ 5:30 am

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I get frustrated when the majority of people that are willing to make any effort are the ones that want to practice their english. For too many people they see a blonde and assume that it’s not worth their while to make any effort. It takes a lot to try to break through these barriers!!

Comment by Sam — September 9, 2011 @ 5:42 am

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Very good post, and timely as I’ve been thinking about the same thing. I’ve come to the conclusion (sad at first but content with it now) that I will never completely fit in here. I, like you, am American, blond, Nordic-looking, and will always have an accent. Hell, even if my Spanish becomes super-accent free, my appearance will always affect relationships. But deep down isn’t that why most extranjeros from prosperous countries are actually here? We chose to come here, we weren’t forced by lack of employment opportunities or economic hardship. So something in us feels comfortable being different.

This is why I find it funny when I meet gringos sometimes who really lament not fitting in. Granted this is a normal reaction, but if you really wanted to fit in, you already did, back in Sacramento, Akron, Buffalo, or wherever you came from.

As far as speaking English with Chileans is concerned (clown voice notwithstanding) another recent conclusion I’ve come to is I should be doing this. Considering all of the inherent benefits I have here the least I could do is entertain and be a practice soundboard for someone. Those that truly want to speak with me I feel I should oblige. After all, if us gringos living in Chile want to see this country continue to develop, unless English becomes more widespread I’d argue from a development perspective we won’t see as much positive change as we’d like.

Comment by Peter — September 9, 2011 @ 5:58 am

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Im laughing so hard!! Pay someone else!!! Hahaha… I see it different now. When I first moved to the US an I tried sooo hard to say something I hated the Spanish speakers who would not talk to me in Spanish. Or that after many attempts to make a fool of myself they finally spoke Spanish to me. It drove me mad! I was struggling and they were enjoying it!! Maybe we all have a different of what helping others means. They wanted me to learn English but I just needed directions!!! I got over that later I love when people try to practice w me. I guess I like to help them? Or maybe they are nicer than the ones that see us like non desirable immigrants? It doesn’t happen often to bother me. Some people get offended bc they start talking Spanish right away. The hair or dark eyes give us away but not all Hispanics are dark! We dye our hairs too!! Haha every time I went out w a friend that is half Italian she was always getting (stupid) men saying something in a funny voice in Spanish to her. Just stupid words to pick her up. She would just turn to me and ask me what they said. It was jut “HOLA” or “como estas” or “caliente”. Very basic Spanish so i always got them the dirty look. just because she had dark hair and lives in florida people assume that she is Hispanic an bc I have blond highlights (most of the time) assume I am American. My mom has lived here 11 years and she hates going to stores alone bc she is afraid to speak English. She is always looking for the spanish face to help her but again not bc they look Hispanic they speak Spanish. I think the best way is to speak in your 1st language. If a friend is spanish we don’t need to hear each other’s accents in english. With you, we can do Spanglish depending on the day and with every body else…. I don’t care what language they want to speak as long as they don’t make fools of themselves ! I hate to be stereotyped and sadly many Americans assume we are all maids or illegal immigrants. Could you start saying that you are German or from Russia so that they stop bothering you?

Comment by Cata — September 9, 2011 @ 6:31 am

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Oh yeah, I totally get this. Totally. Unfortunately, I don’t know that this sort of prejudice (and it is prejudice, even if it’s understated) ever goes away. I was born in the United States, learned English first, went only to American colleges and high schools, speak English like an American, and only speak poorly my family’s native tongue (Tamil) but yet . . . people still continue to ask me, “So where are you from?” As if I’m not from the freaking United States. My dad’s lived in the U.S. for 33 years and, yes, he speaks with an accent but he’s an American citizen and people still continue to treat him like he’s a foreigner. My Mom — who has a Masters in Education and a Ph.D. in teaching reading/English — once had a guy speak VERY loudly to her in the U.S., to which she calmly responded, “I’m sorry, but is your hearing okay? Because mine is just fine.”

So, on this note, I disagree with Peter. If you have children and your children have some Caucasian features, then people in Chile are probably going to still treat them like foreigners even if they grow up in Chile. So, keep standing up for your rights to be treated as a local — or at least, a semi-local.

Comment by Akila — September 9, 2011 @ 6:31 am

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Hahahahaha. The first 5 minutes I met my husband I was incredibly annoyed that he was speaking to me in English. I asked him to stop talking to me. He switched to Spanish and now we’re married.
Now, in the USA I speak to Chileans in Spanish. Mostly. Revenge. But most people actually seem relieved. Point being, my spanish is broken and I actually study it, academically.

I would always get lectured in Chile for speaking in English, though, when non-English speakers were present. So many mixed-messages!

I would NEVER ever, no matter how spanish-speaking someone looked, speak to them in Spanish. Oscar and F. won’t either, out of principle.

Comment by Amanda — September 9, 2011 @ 7:46 am

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I know I felt similarly when I was in Santiago, but I wasn’t there nearly as long and I think I was just being prideful. But gosh, I’ve never thought about it to quite this degree. …I feel bad now, or maybe just strange, for recently jumping on the first chilena I’d met in a while with my terrible Spanish. I mean, I think I do that in part it’s because there’s a part of my brain that just *misses* it, and, in my lame defense, we started in English and went back and forth, and I was/am so eager to make friends in my new city, and I have trouble thinking of conversation topics, and so her language/country seemed like a place to start.

I feel like unless it’s someone who does know you well and know your preference then there’s probably always some involved personal reasons behind the choice — or at least that it has more to do with that than with snap judgments and condescension? I mean, I’m sure you’re aware of that and it doesn’t make it any less annoying. And, what else can you do in a situation like that than continue to let people know your preference.

Comment by Carrie — September 9, 2011 @ 9:36 am

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That would be frustrating. It doesn’t happen to me except at work sometimes where I don’t mind because people know I’m a gringa, they’re not just assuming, and part of my job is to answer English questions. It does sometimes feel silly to me that we’re having a conversation in English when we could get the message across so much faster in Spanish, but I’m sure people used to feel like that with my Spanish/their English.
There are definitely other little things that make me feel like your fourth point. I know I’m not Chilean, and I don’t want to be Chilean, but every so often I feel like a one-dimensional character who is just “the gringa.”

Comment by Emily in Chile — September 9, 2011 @ 1:24 pm

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Argh how frustrating! I used to get that when I lived in France, though I speak the language fluently, when people heard me speaking English to other -Anglophones. I can understand that some people are just trying to practice, but it really doesn{t help with your intergration. I remember when I first moved to France and had a Canadian-French accent, which people used to tease me for… While they thought it was cute and charming I felt as though I was being singled out and it wasnt a good feeling at all.

Comment by Oneika — September 9, 2011 @ 6:32 pm

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Oh, I have lots to say here, it might warrant its own post… but you did remind me of something I wanted to write about teaching English…

I think I have come to terms with being a foreigner–something that 10 years ago I was much more sensitive about. I think nothing highlights the fact that I am a foreigner more than the fact that I AM in fact a foreigner. I am not a local so I don’t feel like others should have to pretend or treat me like I am. I am not a chilena: culturally, socially, physically, genetically, linguistically and it doesn’t matter how long I live here. Though I am not blonde-blonde, or nordically tall, but I think my non-chilean-ness is perceived long before I open my mouth… and it is a correct perception!

Comment by Annje — September 9, 2011 @ 7:17 pm

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I should add, that being correctly perceived as a foreigner does not mean that I have to entertain your fantasy that you speak flawless English… haha

kidding!… partly, I can deal with it sometimes, others not so much, I’ll have to write about it…

Comment by Annje — September 9, 2011 @ 7:21 pm

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To say something different, not always people try to practice english when they approach foreigners not speaking spanish. It´s also (for some people) a way to make them feel comfortable. This off course applies to tourist mostly, if you know that the other person can understand and speak spanish, puedes con toda tranquilidad hablarle en español. No se me había ocurrido que pudiera llegar a ser molesto para alguien. Por otro lado, afortunadamente no le hablo a nadie en inglés, sólo lo escribo cuando todo el resto lo hace, así que creo que me salvo de haber incomodado a alguien xD

Comment by Marmo — September 9, 2011 @ 7:23 pm

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Oso conmigo while I explain myself. I hope it doesn’t molest you that I vote for Spanglish. It can be a happy meeting ground for whatever word pops into your head at the moment, whether it be in English or in Spanish and maybe if everyone spoke Spanglish noone would ever offend anyone else . . . except for even with Spanglish I’ve been exposed to so many different varieties of it . .. that in and of itself would be a very interesting study . . the permutations of Spanlish that have evolved. Hhhmmm. Maybe I’ve found my doctoral thesis topic.

Comment by Rita — September 9, 2011 @ 8:38 pm

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You are not alone in this. Our Spanish wasn’t the best when we were in South America but it’s really off-putting when you go up to someone at a shop or food counter and say something in Spanish and they just look at you like you’re a martian. I mean, meet me halfway, people…Recently in Croatia John was speaking Macedonian to everyone – it’s extremely similar to Croatian except for the vowels. A few people were extremely rude, just shaking their heads and acting like they had NO idea what he was saying and then made us repeat in English. When someone comes to my country and tries to speak English to me, no matter how bad it is, I’m honoured. It’s such bad manners to treat a person like that.

Comment by Andrea — September 10, 2011 @ 12:52 am

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Et pourquoi écrivez-vous en français ? “S’il vous plaît” est bel et bien français. C’est possible d’écrire SVP…

?Y porqué escriba en francés? Lo siento, vivo en la Francìa… Hé hablado español, pero vivo a Paris hoy, con “Amore mio”. Aquì hablamos francés con la gente. Puedo hablar, pero hablo francés mejor que el español… Pero comprendo siempre… “You want us to speak Spanish with you, right?”

Perché scriva in francese per dire che deviamo parlare spagnolo con lei ? – Questa è la lingua che parlo a casa… “S’il vous plaît” è francese…

You’re not the only one who can write in differents languages… But I know what you mean, the only advice I can give you, if you’re an stranger and if Spanish ain’t your mothertongue, respond in Spanish! !Habla español cuando las personas hablan inglés con usted!

Comment by Maria de Suède — September 10, 2011 @ 1:57 am

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Yes! This is so frustrating! I didn’t learn as much Spanish as I could because of so many people wanting to “practice” English with me… It’s like, I’d go into a hardware store and order all kinds of things via descriptions or whatever and do just fine — heck, I barely know those words in English! Then I’d go order a salad for lunch, and the waiter would answer back in thickly accented English. It was so hard — especially when I’d be with all Spanish-speaking people. I was like, I’ll never learn! And I didn’t… And now I haven’t spoken a word in a year… SIgh.

Comment by Abby — September 10, 2011 @ 6:59 am

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Yep, you’re probably gonna get some hate mail on this. But not from me

I am nowhere near fluent in Spanish. But if I speak Spanish to a native speaker, I do expect to be answered in Spanish. That is how I practice and improve. It is hard though because I know that it’s probably annoying to them to listen to me struggle and go through multiple verb conjugations and not knowing some vocabulary.

Comment by Stephanie - The Travel Chica — September 10, 2011 @ 11:25 am

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Honestly never had this problem nor irritation. I think back to when I was learning Spanish and how very, very patient Mexicans were with me as I tried to communicate. And even living in Cancun, where many Mexicans and other Latin Americans spoke English beautifully, I very rarely had people insist on sticking to attempting English. In fact, people seemed mostly relieved that they could communicate with me in Spanish. I don’t get irritated with the native Spanish speakers (and perhaps this is because nobody has really ever tried to pratice their English with me) but rather with the thousands of people living in Latin American who still speak broken Spanish, even after having lived in a Spanish speaking country for quite some time. I mean, seriously, learn the language already.

And being back in the States, I always try to figure out how strong someone’s English is before communicating in Spanish. There have been a handful of people who get annoyed and I just defer to their wish to stick with English even though Spanish would be easier.

I also never expect a Spanish speaker to immediately answer me in Spanish, as it usually takes a few exchanges of phrases for them to realize that I actually speak the language and am not stumbling along. If I were still learning and were answered in English, I’d usually just roll with it to get whatever exchange I needed to have on its path. I think it is very arrogant for someone who is trying to learn Spanish to assume that everyone they come across has the patience or inclination to struggle through understanding their accent and choice of vocabulary.

Comment by Melissa — September 11, 2011 @ 5:16 pm

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We speak two languages at home. Because it’s important to us. It’s important for us to embrace both the German and American parts of our relationship. Also because I don’t want to lose my German.

When I lived in the Czech Republic, I was very adamant about speaking Czech. I had two methods of dealing with the “English approach”. First, if I was in a shop or in public, I would respond to their English in Czech. And only do this. Eventually they switch. Most appreciate it. If someone continues to do it, saying they want to “practice” I give one of two responses (depending on my irritation level). I either tell them, “great! I charge XXX an hour, when would you like to meet up?” or “great! Except we’re in the Czech Republic and I want to improve my Czech, so I would rather learn your language.” Most Czechs were grateful (and I did make exceptions. One friend was VERY helpful in teaching my Czech, so we would often speak English later on, to help him out. And I helped my host mom with her English occasionally as well.)

I did teach English for a while, and I do still enjoy it. Most days. However, I don’t enjoy random not-so-strange strangers using me for free practice either.

Comment by Emily — September 21, 2011 @ 1:03 pm

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