Love & Separation

Seba and I are getting a divorce.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to announce it publicly. It’s an odd thing, having this blog, having my livelihood built upon this blog, which is so personal. For a long time I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to air our dirty laundry. I didn’t want to scare my clients. I don’t want people to pity us.

Like the entire divorce process has been so far, the sharing process too has been an emotional roller coaster. I felt a little backed into a corner, that I had to share this on my blog because I’ve received so many emails flat out asking me what’s going on.

Please know this. I am fine. Seba is fine. We love each other. The split is amicable. Difficult, yes, but we’re both getting through it. We want to remain friends. Right now the wounds may not be healed enough for us to be there yet, but I hope eventually we’ll be close again.

And please know this — because these are all the only details I’m willing to share does not mean that the only issue was that we grew apart or fell out of love or simply didn’t want to make it work anymore. Marriage was never something that either of us took lightly. Marriage is work. We were together for 8 years, married for more than 5. And we did work at it, hard. There was no drama, no cheating, only some serious and deep rooted issues that, at the end of the day, got the best of both of us.

I know Facebook makes it look like I’m little miss happy-go-lucky or, alternatively, a raging alcoholic right now. I may be a bit of both of those things at the moment but also remember, Facebook is a sliver of someone’s life. Obviously I’m not going to post a picture after I’ve been sobbing and update my status with, “Hey guys! Anyone know how to get mascara stains out of pillowcases? Can’t stop crying, LOL!” Or how about Twitter updates like, “Crying in the park. #gettingadivorce,” then “Crying in the grocery store. #gettingadivorce,” then “Crying at Starbucks. #gettingadivorce But I have to say, this frappucino is delish!” Nobody wants to hear that shit. I’ll stick to posting pictures of myself drinking champagne in various continents, thankyouverymuch.

People seem very curious about my future. Really, I just want the hard questions to stop!

As to whether I’ll leave Chile or not, for the time being I’m good here. I’ll shoot every wedding I have booked here. I’ll keep taking bookings here until I decide to go somewhere else. If I do eventually move somewhere else, I’ll stay to shoot everything I have on the books. I’m free as a bird, the world is my oyster, blah blah blah, every other cliche in the book. But for real, I’m going to see where the wind blows me.

And as for whether I’m ready to start dating again…no…yes…kind of…not really? For the time being I’m happy being single. Of course I get lonely. But I need some time to be independent and learn how to be a grown up on my own. I would love to be romanced and swept off my feet…by a man who asks nothing in return from me. But since that’ll happen around the time that pigs learn how to fly, for now I’m good by myself.

At this moment I’m asking for some empathy from you. I always try to be generous with my time, to meet up with people who read my blog, to answer questions from other photographers, etc. But right now, I can’t. I have nothing to give anyone. Nothing. I’m drained empty.

All my energies are taken up by getting myself through the day to day and keeping things running in my professional life business as usual. So no, I’m sorry, but right now, I can’t meet you for you coffee, I can’t critique your blog post, I can’t tell you where you should live in Santiago, I can’t help you with your Lightroom settings…please don’t ask me for anything, I can’t help, I don’t have it in me.

My heart breaks me over and over and over again. I wake up and I roll over and go right back to sleep again because the pain is so strong I can’t bear to stay awake. I cry on a daily basis. I wonder how I can ever get through this. I think about Seba and I wonder how he’s doing and I keep crying. Then I get mad. The emotional roller coaster continues.

But I’m being totally melodramatic right now. Divorce really isn’t the hardest thing that a human being could have to suffer. I’m getting through this.

Photography is such a singular focus for me at the moment. I fall apart…and then I put myself back together and I get shit done. My business keeps me keeping on. I feel hopeful taking pictures of all these beautiful couples that are so in love. They inspire me. The past six months of weddings that you’ve seen on this blog have been almost all either on my own or with a different second shooter, and I think I’m doing better work than ever. If there’s one thing I can be proud of myself for, it’s that. I’ve worked so hard to make sure that my clients are taken care of just as well as they were before and that the photos I deliver are even more than what they expect of me.

So that’s that. I’m getting a divorce. I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. It is what it is, I am what I am, and we are not an us anymore.

I feel a sense of peace. I know we did the right thing. I know this is best for both of us. I know one day we’ll both be whole again. Separate, but whole.

Thanks for your support.

Facebook comments:

Comments

  1. jimmy says:

    Very courageous to write this. I admire what you are doing and for being so honest with the public, the world. Keep being you, and yes, you will get through this. Saludos!

  2. alexbee says:

    I know this post was hard, but I hope it gives you room to heal.

    You are awesome. I can’t wait to see what other crazy adventures you get into. If the world is anyone’s oyster, it’s yours :)

  3. Christy says:

    I’m sorry Kyle. I’ll keep you in my prayers. I know the exact feeling, only b/c I was on the brink of it myself. I noticed something was up, but that’s ok – cry/drink/travel and do what you need to do for you girl.

  4. Erik says:

    I wish you the best. I may be joining you soon. Sounds like similar issues…

    You are a special person with a special gift. Let that gift pull you through this. :-)

  5. Aww girl, been there too! Broke up an eleven year relationship and the things you describe, the daily roller coaster, so true. If you ever need to rant, talk, message me. It sounds like lots of people love you and you’ll get through this. Hugs XX

  6. Emily Wenzel says:

    Kyle, you are strong and beautiful. Heartache is part of life (one of the sucky parts) and I know that you will come out of this stronger than you know.

    Also, as wrong as it is, those fake twitter updates made me snort a little. <3

  7. Sara says:

    I’m very sorry to read this, Kyle. I’ve been there myself (a really traumatic breakup that felt like a divorce because we lived together/had mutual friends) and I posted a lot about it. It was a mistake, for me, because as soon as I gave people that insight, they never forgot it and thought they are owed an opinion about all my choices after that moment. The good news is that it is survivable and gets better over time. I wish you peace and tranquility to heal.

  8. big hugs

  9. Teresa K says:

    Much love for you…you brave, beautiful, funny, talented, sex-kitten you!! The future is bright, so put your sunglasses on (they hide puffy eyes pretty well too). XOXO

  10. Sherry says:

    I’m really sorry, Kyle. I wish you both nothing but love and peace and happiness.

    I’m sure I speak for other readers of your blog when I say it has been hard, wanting to reach out and tell you how much we care and see if there’s anything at all we can do, yet not wanting to seem nosy or bring up potentially painful subjects. And knowing deep down that it is truly none of our business and a private matter for only for you and Seba.

    Sending virtual hugs and fairy dust. and mimosas. lots and lots of mimosas.

  11. Andre says:

    Oh Kyle…
    *holds hand*

  12. Justine says:

    So sorry, Kyle. I’m glad that you have your business to ground you. This, too, shall pass.

  13. Josh Funke says:

    I have followed you since I met you at a wedding in Chile. I dont
    usually read blogs but yours IS like sipping champagne
    In a foreign country. I travel through your work until I can
    travel on my own.
    Thanks,
    Josh Funke

  14. I know you don’t want pity, so no “I’m sorry” here. Just lots of hugs and well wishes across cyberspace. I know you have great things in store for your photography business, and being able to work side by side with your mom will be more helpful than ever (therapeutically), it seems.

  15. Deidre says:

    I cried a bit reading this – you know I adore you…Meeting you was The Highlight of my wedding.

    I don’t have any great words of inspiration – except let yourself be sad sometimes. It’s cool. Don’t share it online maybe (unless you want to).

  16. Lamento mucho lo que están pasando… pero son cabros todavía, tienen el universo delante suyo y sé que encontrarán su espacio en él. Un abrazo y cualquier cosa acá estamos, en Conce! :)

  17. Elissa says:

    I love your strength and your honesty. <3 to you.

  18. Jessica says:

    Beautiful words, Kyle. Your humor and strength come through along with your vulnerability and honesty. Sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts.

  19. Rachel Bustos says:

    Love you Kyle. You are good peeps! #onefreakingstronglady

  20. Alyssa says:

    So many hugs to you, Kyle. You are so strong for writing this. I’ve been a roller coaster of emotions on a daily basis with the end of a much shorter relationship, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’ll be praying for strength and healing for you. You are beautiful and your talent inspires so many. <3

  21. Ayesha says:

    <3 you Kyle!! you are brave and strong and gifted and good-hearted, capable and loving and generous. it's kind of crazy you can know this all about someone you've never met… but look, I'm not the only one :) and the world ain't my oyster so you're gonna have to come to DC sometime lady!!

  22. Sarita says:

    Sorry to hear this, Kyle. I’ve survived an international divorce (4 years later, still doing the paperwork, ugh) so I know how desperate and lost you can feel. The best part is knowing that you made your best effort and that nothing is lost. You will come out of this stronger and wiser. In the meantime, I totally hear you about sowing your wild oats, it’s all part of the healing process. Lots of hugs to you from España, will be thinking of you! xoxo

  23. Petunia says:

    Kyle, so many hugs to you, brave woman. Know that if one of your international destinations happens to be Switzerland, you always have a place to stay and we can even find some of that “Hepp” whiskey to go with our champagne ;)

  24. Amy French says:

    Big hugs to you Kyle. You are very strong and will get through this Xx

  25. … Australia is whispering you … =)

  26. Clare says:

    Hugs. I have nothing else. Lots of hugs and love and the belief that you will get through this.

  27. Steph says:

    such courage <3

  28. Jase says:

    Have this virtual hug from over the pond… *squeeeze*

    And a big manly one for Seba. :)

  29. Trillia says:

    Kyle, this was a brave, bold, and beautiful blog post. Your honesty in this moment of pain and turmoil is truly impressive, and those who read your blog and have come to feel like they know you from afar can deeply appreciate your trust in sharing this story with the world. I’m glad you have photography, travel, and your mom to help you through this. I and so many others are rooting for you. Unconditional besos and abrazos!

    P.S. I think you should totally do the #gettingadivorce hashtags. They rock.
    P.P.S. I adore the umbrella photo!

  30. julianne says:

    You’re awesome Kyle. You were so brave to write this. You’re so inspiring as a photographer and you’re strength as a human being is even more inspiring <3

  31. Cata says:

    You know that I love you and that you have my unconditional support. I will keep writing you emails to bug you and ask you how you are doing and sending u my love! I won’t expect anything in return just that you know that I care for you too much not to say anything!!! And i agree, keep your posts about the positive things in your life. Your tears deserve privacy. You are so brave to write and share this. I’m proud of you! And you made me cry when I read this. I wish I could hug u -or drink one of those glasses of champagne w you!!! Animo que pase lo que pase, todo pasa… Y recuerda esta frase q me ayudo mucho los días q sentía q no podía más: “solo por hoy” el pasado ya paso y el futuro no existe. Te quiero y extraño!

  32. Lori says:

    I’m thinking about you and praying for you through this tough time. Even with all you are going through, you write so beautifully. Hang in there and best wishes for all that is to come in the future.

  33. Ceri says:

    Oh, sweetie. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t wonder if something was up because he’d been really absent from this blog for a while. But you guys have to do what you have to do. No-one’s going to judge you – This is only between you and him, and only you two can know exactly what happened and what’s right for you. I know you’re an incredibly strong woman, Kyle, and I know you’ll come out of this a better person. You’re amazing and I know you’ll be fine. **hugs**

  34. Liz Coleman-Smith says:

    Kyle, you have my empathy and best wishes as you go through this. Yes, as you said, divorce isn’t the worst thing one can go through. However, It IS a difficult thing to go through. The first thing my lawyer said to me was ” there is life after divorce”. And……yes there is. Life just keeps on going. I made a conscious decision not to live as an angry, bitter gal. Life is good. It will be good for you too. You’re an amazing person!!!! Thinking of you!

  35. Kyle, I know we have only met once many years ago with Andrea at a Starbucks after I shortly moved to Chile. I really enjoyed the few hours we shared together and have followed your blog ever since. Although I can’t “know” exactly the range of emotions you are going through, I have been through it myself and know that it can be quite a devastating thing to go through a divorce. I will say that at the lowest of lows, it does get better and you will find your way again. I wrote a few blog posts on my experience if you ever do want to read it.

    http://sarah.cl/post/25372952733/mi-vida

    http://sarah.cl/post/26122916072/divorce-sadness-hope-eat-pray-love

    And of course, when you are ready if you ever want to grab a cup of coffee again, let me know.

  36. Andrea says:

    Well-said my friend. I’m always here if YOU need anything xoxo

  37. carrie says:

    hi kyle, i’m sorry to hear this. as a longtime reader, i wondered what was up, but figured you’d share in time. sending lots of love and light to you and seba both, so you can find your ways in the world apart from each other and to another, new kind of happiness (it will come eventually!)

  38. Leslie says:

    Sending you love! I have complete faith in your strength to build a new life, no matter how many tears, or mimosas, or pictures, or trips, or whatever it takes. I can relate to your comment about being asked for all kinds of things and just not having it in you to devote energy to it all.

    Take care. I’ll be thinking of you!

    *hugs*

  39. Anni says:

    Hugs, Kyle. It must suck to go through this, and to have to constantly answer questions about such a personal thing, as well. I’d buy you a drink in a heartbeat if we were closer. Hope things get better soon! <3

  40. Belinda says:

    Kyle, you’ll be on great new adventures with a happier heart soon. OXOXO. I’ve been where you are – it does get better, I promise. :)

  41. Amanda S. says:

    So many abrazos, amiga.You are so brave for writing this. Thank you for sharing — all of the good and even the tough stuff. Keep your people close and lean on them! (I got that from Grey’s Anatomy.)

  42. Peggy Diego says:

    Wow. Woman, it takes serious guts to pour out your heart like that online. I’m sorry that it got to the point where you felt the need to do that. I know we have never met, and that I don’t really know you at all. Having said that, I will be praying for you to wake up feeling a little lighter every day. Vamos que se puede. Besos!

  43. Melissa Jean says:

    This might be the wrong thing to say – but congratulations. People congratulate you on marriage, but sometimes the decision to get a divorce is so much bigger, and harder and more right than anyone else in the world is aware of. And you should be congratulated for your bravery. It’s a hard thing to do- to live through. Let alone to write about.
    I’m in a very very similar situation, but haven’t come round to making it public yet to my clients. Reading this gave me a sense of peace about doing it. I’m still not sure I will, I may just keep marching on with my head held high and only respond privately when asked, but should it come to stating it publicly, I feel like you’ve given me courage.

  44. Sounds like you’ve got life by the balls Kyle! I have a feeling your life is going to rock so hard in the coming years that this phase will be but a shitty memory.
    So impressed with the honesty! From someone who hasn’t had the guts to do the same thing – huge kudos for this post!
    What Andi said above couldn’t have been better: “Chin up, boobs out!” Best of luck with all the bs you must be having to navigate right about now.

  45. mike says:

    I wish you the best K. It gets better.

  46. Luis says:

    I could easily +1 everyone else. You are an amazing lady. Hugs!!

  47. shue says:

    Kyle, as one of your longtime blog reader & fan of your works, I’ve never felf so near and touched to read your post this time. In one way or another, you ARE a friend to me (and to many other strangers who follow your blog/works/life).funny, cause we never even meet you in person.My heart and thoughts goes out to you, girl. Be strong and may you always be surrounded by love of family & friends – near or far.Please remember that you are loved by many – both known or strangers. Besos!

  48. Mary says:

    Wishing you all the peace, breathing space, hugs and Champagne in the world. Take care of yourself x

  49. Carla says:

    Kyle, I am sorry to hear the news but if this is what you both need to be happy then I admire you for being honest about it. I imagine this post was hard to write, but it was brave for you to share what you are going through. In time the crying and sadness will disappear. You are an amazing woman and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you! If you ever come to Minneapolis you let me know! Oh, and those Arm & Hammer Magic Easers get mascara or any kind of stain out of most fabrics, LOL:) Who knew?!? Not sure if you needed to really know that though? Stay strong lady :)

  50. Heather says:

    Thinking of you as you navigate the weeks ahead and the rollercoaster of emotions. Good on you for sharing as much as you need/want to and not more. We’re sending love, support, and prayers your way <3

  51. For what it’s worth, your recent work has been blowing me away. Like OMG WOWZAS. YOU ARE AMAZING, blown away. Sucks that you are hitting your creative high note during such a low note in your life, but d’ems da breaks, eh? Big hugs going your way.

  52. Hello lady! You know my thoughts on the whole thing already. :-) This is hard but such a great opportunity for you to grow! xo

  53. Lilly says:

    You are a wonder photographer and I hope to be able to hire you someday. I hope your life takes you where you want it go and you see many beautiful sights along the way.

  54. Amanda says:

    Kyle–I dropped in today to see how you are doing, and I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through so much pain right now. My thoughts are with you and I wish you and Seba peace.

  55. passerby says:

    I hope you are able to get through these tough times. Always remember that talking to people (including professionals) is really helpful. Taking the time to think through everything will be important for you. Best of luck.

  56. Marmo says:

    Probablemente no leas esto, pero quería decirte que acabo de leer este post, y me dio mucha pena saber lo que les está ocurriendo. No los conozco en persona, pero en todo el tiempo que llevo leyendo tu blog, siento como que les tengo alguna forma de cariño, y por lo mismo, de verdad espero que puedan, o puedas resistir este mal momento. He estado en medio de muchos divorcios, por mi profesión, y estas separaciones son tan variadas como variada es la gente.
    Siempre he creído que eres una persona muy fuerte y valiente, por el hecho de ser tan joven y haberte ido a vivir tan lejos de tu hogar anterior, y por eso sé que podrás superar esto. Me alegra que tu labor como fotógrafa profesional siga mejorando y te mantenga enfocada. Eventualmente, el dolor termina, o al menos se hace tolerable.
    Ya pasará esto.
    Un abrazo.

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